Confidence

“Ah well, that ‘s knocked on the head! From the way you speak of it, I think you would come after us; and the more I think of that, the more I see it would n’t do. But we have got to go to some southern place, because I am very unwell. I have n’t the least idea what ‘s the matter with me, and neither has any one else; but that does n’t make any difference. It ‘s settled that I am out of health. One might as well be out of it as in it, for all the advantage it is. If you are out of health, at any rate you can come abroad. It was Gordon’s discovery—he ‘s always making discoveries. You see it ‘s because I ‘m so silly; he can always put it down to my being an invalid. What I should like to do, Mrs. Vivian, would be to spend the winter with you—just sitting on the sofa beside you and holding your hand. It would be rather tiresome for you; but I really think it would be better for me than anything else. I have never forgotten how kind you were to me before my marriage—that summer at Baden. You were everything to me—you and Captain Lovelock. I am sure I should be happy if I never went out of this lovely room. You have got it so beautifully arranged—I mean to do my own room just like it when I go home. And you have got such lovely clothes. You never used to say anything about it, but you and Angela always had better clothes than I. Are you always so quiet and serious—never talking about chiffons—always reading some wonderful book? I wish you would let me come and stay with you. If you only ask me, Gordon would be too delighted. He would n’t have to trouble about me any more. He could go and live over in the Latin Quarter—that ‘s the desire of his heart—and think of nothing but old bottles. I know it is n’t very good manners to beg for an invitation,” Blanche went on, smiling with a gentler radiance; “but when it ‘s a question of one’s health. One wants to keep one’s self alive—does n’t one? One wants to keep one’s self going. It would be so good for me, Mrs. Vivian; it would really be very good for me!”

She had turned round more and more to her hostess as she talked; and at last she had given both her hands to Mrs. Vivian, and sat looking at her with a singular mixture of earnestness and jocosity. It was hard to know whether Blanche were expressing a real desire or a momentary caprice, and whether this abrupt little petition were to be taken seriously, or treated merely as a dramatic pose in a series of more or less effective attitudes. Her smile had become almost a grimace, she was flushed, she showed her pretty teeth; but there was a little passionate quiver in her voice.

“My dear child,” said Mrs. Vivian, “we should be delighted to have you pay us a visit, and we should be so happy if we could do you any good. But I am afraid you would very soon get tired of us, and I ought to tell you, frankly, that our little home is to be—a broken up. You know there is to be a—a change,” the good lady continued, with a hesitation which apparently came from a sense of walking on uncertain ground, while she glanced with a smile at Bernard and Angela.

Blanche sat there with her little excited, yet innocent—too innocent—stare; her eyes followed Mrs. Vivian’s. They met Bernard’s for an instant, and for some reason, at this moment, Bernard flushed.

He rose quickly and walked away to the window where he stood looking out into the darkness. “The devil—the devil!” he murmured to himself; “she does n’t even know we are to be married—Gordon has n’t been able to trust himself to tell her!” And this fact seemed pregnant with evidence as to Gordon’s state of mind; it did not appear to simplify the situation. After a moment, while Bernard stood there with his back turned—he felt rather awkward and foolish—he heard Blanche begin with her little surprised voice.

“Ah, you are going away? You are going to travel? But that ‘s charming; we can travel together. You are not going to travel? What then are you going to do? You are going back to America? Ah, but you must n’t do that, as soon as I come abroad; that ‘s not nice or friendly, Mrs. Vivian, to your poor little old Blanche. You are not going back to America? Ah, then, I give it up! What ‘s the great mystery? Is it something about Angela? There was always a mystery about Angela. I hope you won’t mind my saying it, my dear; but I was always afraid of you. My husband—he admires you so much, you know—has often tried to explain you to me; but I have never understood. What are you going to do now? Are you going into a convent? Are you going to be—A-a-h!”

And, suddenly, quickly, interrupting herself, Mrs. Gordon gave a long, wondering cry. Bernard heard her spring to her feet, and the two other ladies rise from their seats. Captain Lovelock got up as well; Bernard heard him knock over his little gilded chair. There was a pause, during which Blanche went through a little mute exhibition of amazement and pleasure. Bernard turned round, to receive half a dozen quick questions.

“What are you hiding away for? What are you blushing for? I never saw you do anything like that before! Why do you look so strange, and what are you making me say? Angela, is it true—is there something like that?” Without waiting for the answer to this last question, Blanche threw herself upon Mrs. Vivian. “My own Mrs. Vivian,” she cried, “is she married?”

“My dear Blanche,” said Bernard, coming forward, “has not Gordon told you? Angela and I are not married, but we hope to be before long. Gordon only knew it this morning; we ourselves have only known it a short time. There is no mystery about it, and we only want your congratulations.”

“Well, I must say you have been very quiet about it!” cried Blanche. “When I was engaged, I wrote you all a letter.”

“By Jove, she wrote to me!” observed Captain Lovelock.

Angela went to her and kissed her.

“Your husband does n’t seem to have explained me very successfully!”

Mrs. Gordon held Bernard’s intended for a moment at arm’s length, with both her hands, looking at her with eyes of real excitement and wonder. Then she folded her in a prolonged, an exaggerated, embrace.

“Why did n’t he tell me—why did n’t he tell me?” she presently began. “He has had all day to tell me, and it was very cruel of him to let me come here without knowing it. Could anything be more absurd—more awkward? You don’t think it ‘s awkward—you don’t mind it? Ah well, you are very good! But I like it, Angela—I like it extremely, immensely. I think it ‘s delightful, and I wonder it never occurred to me. Has it been going on long? Ah, of course, it has been going on! Did n’t it begin at Baden, and did n’t I see it there? Do you mind my alluding to that? At Baden we were all so mixed up that one could n’t tell who was attentive to whom! But Bernard has been very faithful, my dear; I can assure you of that. When he was in America he would n’t look at another woman. I know something about that! He stayed three months in my house and he never spoke to me. Now I know why, Mr. Bernard; but you might have told me at the time. The reason was certainly good enough. I always want to know why, you know. Why Gordon never told me, for instance; that ‘s what I want to know!”

Blanche refused to sit down again; she declared that she was so agitated by this charming news that she could not be quiet, and that she must presently take her departure. Meanwhile she congratulated each of her friends half a dozen times; she kissed Mrs. Vivian again, she almost kissed Bernard; she inquired about details; she longed to hear all about Angela’s “things.” Of course they would stop for the wedding; but meantime she must be very discreet; she must not intrude too much. Captain Lovelock addressed to Angela a few fragmentary, but well-intentioned sentences, pulling his beard and fixing his eyes on the door-knob—an implement which presently turned in his manly fist, as he opened the door for his companion to withdraw. Blanche went away in a flutter of ejaculations and protestations which left our three friends in Mrs. Vivian’s little drawing-room standing looking at each other as the door closed behind her.

“It certainly would have been better taste in him to tell her,” said Bernard, frowning, “and not let other people see how little communication there is between them. It has mortified her.”

“Poor Mr. Wright had his reasons,” Mrs. Vivian suggested, and then she ventured to explain: “He still cares for Angela, and it was painful to him to talk about her marrying some one else.”

This had been Bernard’s own reflection, and it was no more agreeable as Mrs. Vivian presented it; though Angela herself seemed indifferent to it—seemed, indeed, not to hear it, as if she were thinking of something else.

“We must simply marry as soon as possible; to-morrow, if necessary,” said Bernard, with some causticity. “That ‘s the best thing we can do for every one. When once Angela is married, Gordon will stop thinking of her. He will never permit his imagination to hover about a married woman; I am very sure of that. He does n’t approve of that sort of thing, and he has the same law for himself as for other people.”

“It does n’t matter,” said Angela, simply.

“How do you mean, my daughter, it does n’t matter?”

“I don’t feel obliged to feel so sorry for him now.”

“Now? Pray, what has happened? I am more sorry than ever, since I have heard poor Blanche’s dreadful tone about him.”

The girl was silent a moment; then she shook her head, lightly.

“Her tone—her tone? Dearest mother, don’t you see? She is intensely in love with him!”

CHAPTER XXVIII

This observation struck Bernard as extremely ingenious and worthy of his mistress’s fine intelligence; he greeted it with enthusiasm, and thought of it for the next twelve hours. The more he thought of it the more felicitous it seemed to him, and he went to Mrs. Vivian’s the next day almost for the express purpose of saying to Angela that, decidedly, she was right. He was admitted by his old friend, the little femme de chambre, who had long since bestowed upon him, definitively, her confidence; and as in the ante-chamber he heard the voice of a gentleman raised and talking with some emphasis, come to him from the salon, he paused a moment, looking at her with an interrogative eye.

“Yes,” said Mrs. Vivian’s attendant, “I must tell Monsieur frankly that another gentleman is there. Moreover, what does it matter? Monsieur would perceive it for himself!”

“Has he been here long?” asked Bernard.

“A quarter of an hour. It probably does n’t seem long to the gentleman!”

“Is he alone with Mademoiselle?”

“He asked for Mademoiselle only. I introduced him into the salon, and Mademoiselle, after conversing a little while with Madame, consented to receive him. They have been alone together, as I have told Monsieur, since about three o’clock. Madame is in her own apartment. The position of Monsieur,” added this discriminating woman, “certainly justifies him in entering the salon.”

Bernard was quite of this opinion, and in a moment more he had crossed the threshold of the little drawing-room and closed the door behind him.

Angela sat there on a sofa, leaning back with her hands clasped in her lap and her eyes fixed upon Gordon Wright, who stood squarely before her, as if he had been making her a resolute speech. Her face wore a look of distress, almost of alarm; she kept her place, but her eyes gave Bernard a mute welcome. Gordon turned and looked at him slowly from head to foot. Bernard remembered, with a good deal of vividness, the last look his friend had given him in the Champs Elysees the day before; and he saw with some satisfaction that this was not exactly a repetition of that expression of cold horror. It was a question, however, whether the horror were changed for the better. Poor Gordon looked intensely sad and grievously wronged. The keen resentment had faded from his face, but an immense reproach was there—a heavy, helpless, appealing reproach. Bernard saw that he had not a scene of violence to dread—and yet, when he perceived what was coming, he would almost have preferred violence. Gordon did not offer him his hand, and before Bernard had had time to say anything, began to speak again, as if he were going on with what he had been saying to Angela.

“You have done me a great wrong—you have done me a cruel wrong! I have been telling it to Miss Vivian; I came on purpose to tell her. I can’t really tell her; I can’t tell her the details; it ‘s too painful! But you know what I mean! I could n’t stand it any longer. I thought of going away—but I could n’t do that. I must come and say what I feel. I can’t bear it now.”

This outbreak of a passionate sense of injury in a man habitually so undemonstrative, so little disposed to call attention to himself, had in it something at once of the touching and the terrible. Bernard, for an instant, felt almost bewildered; he asked himself whether he had not, after all, been a monster of duplicity. He was guilty of the weakness of taking refuge in what is called, I believe, in legal phrase, a side-issue.

“Don’t say all this before Angela!” he exclaimed, with a kind of artificial energy. “You know she is not in the least at fault, and that it can only give her pain. The thing is between ourselves.”

Angela was sitting there, looking up at both the men. “I like to hear it,” she said.

“You have a singular taste!” Bernard declared.

“I know it ‘s between ourselves,” cried Gordon, “and that Miss Vivian is not at fault. She is only too lovely, too wise, too good! It is you and I that are at fault—horribly at fault! You see I admit it, and you don’t. I never dreamed that I should live to say such things as this to you; but I never dreamed you would do what you have done! It ‘s horrible, most horrible, that such a difference as this should come between two men who believed themselves—or whom I believed, at least—the best friends in the world. For it is a difference—it ‘s a great gulf, and nothing will ever fill it up. I must say so; I can’t help it. You know I don’t express myself easily; so, if I break out this way, you may know what I feel. I know it is a pain to Miss Vivian, and I beg her to forgive me. She has so much to forgive that she can forgive that, too. I can’t pretend to accept it; I can’t sit down and let it pass. And then, it is n’t only my feelings; it ‘s the right; it ‘s the justice. I must say to her that you have no right to marry her; and beg of her to listen to me and let you go.”

“My dear Gordon, are you crazy?” Bernard demanded, with an energy which, this time at least, was sufficiently real.

“Very likely I am crazy. I am crazy with disappointment and the bitterness of what I have lost. Add to that the wretchedness of what I have found!”

“Ah, don’t say that, Mr. Wright,” Angela begged.

He stood for an instant looking at her, but not heeding her words. “Will you listen to me again? Will you forget the wrong I did you?—my stupidity and folly and unworthiness? Will you blot out the past and let me begin again. I see you as clearly now as the light of that window. Will you give me another chance?”

Angela turned away her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “You do pain me!” she murmured.

“You go too far,” said Bernard. “To what position does your extraordinary proposal relegate your wife?”

Gordon turned his pleading eyes on his old friend without a ray of concession; but for a moment he hesitated. “Don’t speak to me of my wife. I have no wife.”

“Ah, poor girl!” said Angela, springing up from the sofa.

“I am perfectly serious,” Gordon went on, addressing himself again to her. “No, after all, I am not crazy; I see only too clearly—I see what should be; when people see that, you call them crazy. Bernard has no right—he must give you up. If you really care for him, you should help him. He is in a very false position; you should n’t wish to see him in such a position. I can’t explain to you—if it were even for my own sake. But Bernard must have told you; it is not possible that he has not told you?”