Robert Falconer

‘Now you’ll think me a fool, Robert, if I tell you why.’

‘Far be it frae me to daur think sic a word, Mr. Ericson!’ said Robert devoutly.

‘Well, I’ll tell you, whether or not,’ returned Ericson. ‘I could, I believe, amputate a living limb with considerable coolness; but put a knife in a dead body I could not.’

‘I think I know what you mean. Then you must be a lawyer.’

‘A lawyer! O Lord!’ said Ericson.

‘Why not?’ asked Robert, in some wonderment; for he could not imagine Ericson acting from mere popular prejudice or fancy.

‘Just think of spending one’s life in an atmosphere of squabbles. It’s all very well when one gets to be a judge and dispense justice; but—well, it’s not for me. I could not do the best for my clients. And a lawyer has nothing to do with the kingdom of heaven—only with his clients. He must be a party-man. He must secure for one so often at the loss of the rest. My duty and my conscience would always be at strife.’

‘Then what will you be, Mr. Ericson?’

‘To tell the truth, I would rather be a watchmaker than anything else I know. I might make one watch that would go right, I suppose, if I lived long enough. But no one would take an apprentice of my age. So I suppose I must be a tutor, knocked about from one house to another, patronized by ex-pupils, and smiled upon as harmless by mammas and sisters to the end of the chapter. And then something of a pauper’s burial, I suppose. Che sara sara.’

Ericson had sunk into one of his worst moods. But when he saw Robert looking unhappy, he changed his tone, and would be—what he could not be—merry.

‘But what’s the use of talking about it?’ he said. ‘Get your fiddle, man, and play The Wind that Shakes the Barley.’

‘No, Mr. Ericson,’ answered Robert; ‘I have no heart for the fiddle. I would rather have some poetry.’

‘Oh!—Poetry!’ returned Ericson, in a tone of contempt—yet not very hearty contempt.

‘We’re gaein’ awa’, Mr. Ericson,’ said Robert; ‘an’ the Lord ‘at we ken naething aboot alane kens whether we’ll ever meet again i’ this place. And sae—’

‘True enough, my boy,’ interrupted Ericson. ‘I have no need to trouble myself about the future. I believe that is the real secret of it after all. I shall never want a profession or anything else.’

‘What do you mean, Mr. Ericson?’ asked Robert, in half-defined terror.

‘I mean, my boy, that I shall not live long. I know that—thank God!’

‘How do you know it?’

‘My father died at thirty, and my mother at six-and-twenty, both of the same disease. But that’s not how I know it.’

‘How do you know it then?’

Ericson returned no answer. He only said—

‘Death will be better than life. One thing I don’t like about it though,’ he added, ‘is the coming on of unconsciousness. I cannot bear to lose my consciousness even in sleep. It is such a terrible thing!’

‘I suppose that’s ane o’ the reasons that we canna be content withoot a God,’ responded Robert. ‘It’s dreidfu’ to think even o’ fa’in’ asleep withoot some ane greater an’ nearer than the me watchin’ ower ‘t. But I’m jist sayin’ ower again what I hae read in ane o’ your papers, Mr. Ericson. Jist lat me luik.’

Venturing more than he had ever yet ventured, Robert rose and went to the cupboard where Ericson’s papers lay. His friend did not check him. On the contrary, he took the papers from his hand, and searched for the poem indicated.

‘I’m not in the way of doing this sort of thing, Robert,’ he said.

‘I know that,’ answered Robert.

And Ericson read.

SLEEP

Oh, is it Death that comes
To have a foretaste of the whole?
To-night the planets and the stars
Will glimmer through my window-bars,
But will not shine upon my soul.

For I shall lie as dead,
Though yet I am above the ground;
All passionless, with scarce a breath,
With hands of rest and eyes of death,
I shall be carried swiftly round.

Or if my life should break
The idle night with doubtful gleams
Through mossy arches will I go,
Through arches ruinous and low,
And chase the true and false in dreams.

Why should I fall asleep?
When I am still upon my bed,
The moon will shine, the winds will rise,
And all around and through the skies
The light clouds travel o’er my head.

O, busy, busy things!
Ye mock me with your ceaseless life;
For all the hidden springs will flow,
And all the blades of grass will grow,
When I have neither peace nor strife.

And all the long night through,
The restless streams will hurry by;
And round the lands, with endless roar,
The white waves fall upon the shore,
And bit by bit devour the dry.

Even thus, but silently,
Eternity, thy tide shall flow—
And side by side with every star
Thy long-drawn swell shall bear me far,
An idle boat with none to row.

My senses fail with sleep;