Evan Harrington. Complete

‘I asked you for the bill of the month,’ said the old gentleman, with an irritated voice and a twinkle in his eye.

Jonathan bowed; but his aspect betrayed perplexity, and that perplexity was soon shared by the landlady for Jonathan said, he was convinced the old gentleman intended to pay for sixteen days, and the landlady could not bring her hand to charge him for more than two. Here was the dilemma foreseen by the old gentleman, and it added vastly to the flavour of the Port.

Pleasantly tickled, he sat gazing at his glass, and let the minutes fly. He knew the part he would act in his little farce. If charged for the whole month, he would peruse the bill deliberately, and perhaps cry out ‘Hulloa?’ and then snap at Jonathan for the interposition of a remark. But if charged for two days, he would wish to be told whether they were demented, those people outside, and scornfully return the bill to Jonathan.

A slap on the shoulder, and a voice: ‘Found you at last, Tom!’ violently shattered the excellent plot, and made the old gentleman start. He beheld Mr. Andrew Cogglesby.

‘Drinking Port, Tom?’ said Mr. Andrew. ‘I ‘ll join you’: and he sat down opposite to him, rubbing his hands and pushing back his hair.

Jonathan entering briskly with the bill, fell back a step, in alarm. The old gentleman, whose inviolacy was thus rudely assailed, sat staring at the intruder, his mouth compressed, and three fingers round his glass, which it’ was doubtful whether he was not going to hurl at him.

‘Waiter!’ Mr. Andrew carelessly hailed, ‘a pint of this Port, if you please.’

Jonathan sought the countenance of the old gentleman.

‘Do you hear, sir?’ cried the latter, turning his wrath on him. ‘Another pint!’ He added: ‘Take back the bill’; and away went Jonathan to relate fresh marvels to his mistress.

Mr. Andrew then addressed the old gentleman in the most audacious manner.

‘Astonished to see me here, Tom? Dare say you are. I knew you came somewhere in this neighbourhood, and, as I wanted to speak to you very particularly, and you wouldn’t be visible till Monday, why, I spied into two or three places, and here I am.’

You might see they were brothers. They had the same bushy eyebrows, the same healthy colour in their cheeks, the same thick shoulders, and brisk way of speaking, and clear, sharp, though kindly, eyes; only Tom was cast in larger proportions than Andrew, and had gotten the grey furniture of Time for his natural wear. Perhaps, too, a cross in early life had a little twisted him, and set his mouth in a rueful bunch, out of which occasionally came biting things. Mr. Andrew carried his head up, and eyed every man living with the benevolence of a patriarch, dashed with the impudence of a London sparrow. Tom had a nagging air, and a trifle of acridity on his broad features. Still, any one at a glance could have sworn they were brothers, and Jonathan unhesitatingly proclaimed it at the Aurora bar.

Mr. Andrew’s hands were working together, and at them, and at his face, the old gentleman continued to look with a firmly interrogating air.

‘Want to know what brings me, Tom? I’ll tell you presently. Hot,—isn’t it?’

‘What the deuce are you taking exercise for?’ the old gentleman burst out, and having unlocked his mouth, he began to puff and alter his posture.

‘There you are, thawed in a minute!’ said Mr. Andrew. ‘What’s an eccentric? a child grown grey. It isn’t mine; I read it somewhere. Ah, here’s the Port! good, I’ll warrant.’

Jonathan deferentially uncorked, excessive composure on his visage. He arranged the table-cloth to a nicety, fixed the bottle with exactness, and was only sent scudding by the old gentleman’s muttering of: ‘Eavesdropping pie!’ followed by a short, ‘Go!’ and even then he must delay to sweep off a particular crumb.

‘Good it is!’ said Mr. Andrew, rolling the flavour on his lips, as he put down his glass. ‘I follow you in Port, Tom. Elder brother!’

The old gentleman also drank, and was mollified enough to reply: ‘Shan’t follow you in Parliament.’

‘Haven’t forgiven that yet, Tom?’

‘No great harm done when you’re silent.’

‘Capital Port!’ said Mr. Andrew, replenishing the glasses. ‘I ought to have inquired where they kept the best Port. I might have known you’d stick by it. By the way, talking of Parliament, there’s talk of a new election for Fallow field. You have a vote there. Will you give it to Jocelyn? There’s talk of his standing.

‘If he’ll wear petticoats, I’ll give him my vote.’

‘There you go, Tom!’

‘I hate masquerades. You’re penny trumpets of the women. That tattle comes from the bed-curtains. When a petticoat steps forward I give it my vote, or else I button it up in my pocket.’

This was probably one of the longest speeches he had ever delivered at the Aurora. There was extra Port in it. Jonathan, who from his place of observation noted the length of time it occupied, though he was unable to gather the context, glanced at Mr. Andrew with a sly satisfaction. Mr. Andrew, laughing, signalled for another pint.

‘So you’ve come here for my vote, have you?’ said Mr. Tom.

‘Why, no; not exactly that,’ Mr. Andrew answered, blinking and passing it by.

Jonathan brought the fresh pint, and Tom filled for himself, drank, and said emphatically, and with a confounding voice:

‘Your women have been setting you on me, sir!’

Andrew protested that he was entirely mistaken.

‘You’re the puppet of your women!’

‘Well, Tom, not in this instance. Here’s to the bachelors, and brother Tom at their head!’

It seemed to be Andrew’s object to help his companion to carry a certain quantity of Port, as if he knew a virtue it had to subdue him, and to have fixed on a particular measure that he should hold before he addressed him specially. Arrived at this, he said:

‘Look here, Tom. I know your ways. I shouldn’t have bothered you here; I never have before; but we couldn’t very well talk it over in business hours; and besides you’re never at the Brewery till Monday, and the matter’s rather urgent.’

‘Why don’t you speak like that in Parliament?’ the old man interposed.

‘Because Parliament isn’t my brother,’ replied Mr. Andrew. ‘You know, Tom, you never quite took to my wife’s family.’

‘I’m not a match for fine ladies, Nan.’

‘Well, Harriet would have taken to you, Tom, and will now, if you ‘ll let her. Of course, it ‘s a pity if she ‘s ashamed of—hem! You found it out about the Lymport people, Tom, and, you’ve kept the secret and respected her feelings, and I thank you for it. Women are odd in those things, you know. She mustn’t imagine I ‘ve heard a whisper. I believe it would kill her.’

The old gentleman shook silently.

‘Do you want me to travel over the kingdom, hawking her for the daughter of a marquis?’

‘Now, don’t joke, Tom. I’m serious. Are you not a Radical at heart? Why do you make such a set against the poor women? What do we spring from?’

‘I take off my hat, Nan, when I see a cobbler’s stall.’

‘And I, Tom, don’t care a rush who knows it. Homo—something; but we never had much schooling. We ‘ve thriven, and should help those we can. We’ve got on in the world…’

‘Wife come back from Lymport?’ sneered Tom.

Andrew hurriedly, and with some confusion, explained that she had not been able to go, on account of the child.

‘Account of the child!’ his brother repeated, working his chin contemptuously. ‘Sisters gone?’

‘They’re stopping with us,’ said Andrew, reddening.

‘So the tailor was left to the kites and the crows. Ah! hum!’ and Tom chuckled.

‘You’re angry with me, Tom, for coming here,’ said Andrew. ‘I see what it is. Thought how it would be! You’re offended, old Tom.’