Diagnosis: Daddy

“’Night,” she said again.

It was a start, Mia figured. With a little nod to Connor, she turned and walked with Alexis out of the room.

Alexis looked even smaller in the big bed with the dark linens around her. They were definitely going to have to lighten things up in here, Mia decided, thinking a shopping trip was in order at the earliest opportunity. “Which book would you like to hear tonight?”

Without even stopping to consider, Alexis replied, “Green Eggs and Ham.”

“That sounds good.” Mia plucked the book from the stack and stretched out beside the girl. Alexis rested her head trustingly against Mia’s arm as she began to read, holding the book so Alexis could see the pictures. She read in a quiet, soothing tone, and Alexis was almost asleep by the time the story ended.

Sliding off the bed, Mia tucked the covers snugly around the child and her treasured stuffed cat. “I’ll be sleeping right next door if you need anything tonight,” she reminded her. “Just call out or come get me.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to leave the night-light on?” She’d brought the night-light herself, a whimsical little glass unicorn that plugged into an outlet and glowed a soothing blue. It had been a gift from one of her students last year and she’d thought a child would appreciate the soft illumination in a strange place.

“Yes, please. And could you leave the door open so you can hear me if I call you?”

“Of course I will.” Leaning over the bed, Mia pressed a kiss to Alexis’s cheek. “Good night, sweetie.”

Alexis surprised her by wrapping her arms around her neck and giving her a quick hug. “Good night, Mia.”

Touched, Mia straightened and tucked the covers in again. After hesitating only a moment, she turned and left the room, leaving the door an inch ajar, just as Alexis had requested.

Connor wasn’t on the couch when Mia walked into the living room. Looking around for him, she found him standing at the window, staring out into the night. Judging from his expression, she doubted that he saw a thing beyond the glass. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, and they were apparently somber ones.

“Connor?”

He hadn’t heard her come in, which was only further indication of how distracted he’d been. He turned quickly. “Oh. Mia.”

She smiled. “You were expecting someone else?”

“No, I just…” He pushed a hand through his hair. “Did you get her tucked in okay?”

“Yes. She was so tired, I think she’ll sleep soundly.”

“I hope so.”

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

He started to shake his head, then stopped himself and raised his hands in a gesture of bewilderment. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

She knew exactly what he was going through now. And because she did, she placed a hand on his forearm and smiled encouragingly up at him. “I understand. It’s terrifying, isn’t it?”

He covered her hand with his and his fingers felt cold. “That’s exactly what it is.”

“She’s a sweet little girl, Connor. Very well-behaved.”

“Yeah, I know. I can’t help but wonder if she’s a little too well-behaved. Did that seem normal to you?”

She shook her head in exasperation. “First you were worried that she would be a terror and now you’re worried that she’s too good?”

“I know, it seems crazy,” he admitted. “But I just got the feeling that she’s repressing a lot.”

“Of course she is. How could she not be with all that’s happened to her lately?”

“Maybe she needs to be in counseling or something. I mean, I’m certainly no expert on kids and grief. I don’t have the slightest clue what I should be doing with her.”

“I’m no expert either, but I know that children need love and acceptance. You can give her that.”

“Can I?” His eyes looked tortured. “I don’t even know what I feel right now. I look at her and I think, this is my daughter. My little girl. And yet I don’t know her. I don’t know her favorite foods, or colors, or what she’s thinking when she looks back at me so seriously.”

“Those things will come with time, for both of you. She doesn’t know you either,” she reminded him. “But she seems willing to give you a chance.”

“She needs someone who can spend time with her. Who really has the time to get to know her. Someone who isn’t studying sixteen hours a day and worrying about studying the other eight hours.”

“That’s why I’m here. When you’re busy, I’ll take care of her. I’ll help you get to know her.”

His fingers tightened over hers. “I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you.”

She shrugged a little. “You’d have managed.”

But probably not without quitting medical school, she thought. Not without giving up his dream. How could she not do everything she could to prevent that? She loved him—as a dear friend, of course. She wanted him to have it all. Didn’t everyone want that for their closest friends? She was sure he felt the same way about her, even if there hadn’t been an occasion for him to prove it the way she was for him.

He searched her face. “This doesn’t scare you at all?”

Her laugh was shakier than she would have liked. “Come on, you know me better than that. I had a moment of panic in her bedroom. I came very close to bolting and telling you you’re on your own, pal. She just looked so darned vulnerable and tiny.”

For some reason, her confession actually seemed to help him relax a little. Maybe he’d just needed to know that his fears were reasonable. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“We can do this, Connor,” she said, pulling her hand away with a last bracing pat to his arm. “You’re going to be a good father to her, and I’ll figure out how to be a nanny until she’s all settled in. By the time I’m ready to start grad school, you and she will be very comfortable with each other, and she’ll have a ton of new friends at school and she’ll be old enough to leave with a part-time caretaker after school and on weekends. You aren’t the only single parent in medical school, I bet. Somehow or other, it will work out.”

She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to remind him—maybe both of them—that this arrangement was only temporary. He frowned for a moment, then moistened his lips and nodded. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Any time. Now, why don’t I make you some hot tea? It’ll help you relax while you get back to your studying.”

He leaned over to brush his lips across her cheek, much the same way he had with Alexis. “Thanks, Mia. That sounds great.”

Resisting an impulse to press her hand to the spot his lips had touched, she nodded and moved toward the kitchen without saying anything more.

Something woke Mia in the middle of the night. She opened her eyes and squinted into the darkness, trying to decide what it had been. Was she still adjusting to her new surroundings? Hearing the creaks of an unfamiliar house? Or had there been something else?

Hearing a sound again, she slid her feet out of the bed. She thought it had come from Alexis’s room.

Without bothering to don a robe over her brushed satin pajamas, she walked barefoot through her door and into the hallway. She pushed open the door to Alexis’s room quietly and peeked inside, trying to identify the sound that had awakened her. Was the child having a bad dream? That would certainly be understandable.

The sound came again, and she recognized it this time with a pang through her heart. Alexis was crying softly into her pillow.

“Oh, baby, it’s okay,” she said, hurrying across the room to gather the little girl into her arms. “Everything’s going to be all right, I promise.”