So Now You're Back

‘“Prick” being the operative word.’ She made a grab for the bottle again and missed by about twenty nautical miles, her coordination skills—along with her dignity—now completely shot.

‘Why do you need this stuff anyway?’

Why was he looking at her like that—all stern and concerned? And why couldn’t she remember how to speak?

The plane made a lumbering turn onto the runway, then gathered speed. Her stomach lurched up to slam into her larynx. She gripped the armrest hard enough to fracture granite, her nails gouging the leather.

Flying is safe. Remember Rain Man. You are not going to die.

‘Dammit, Hal, since when have you been scared of flying?’

She would have shot him another give-me-a-bloody-break look but she was far too busy clinging on for dear life.

‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’ he added.

Because it’s stupid and irrational and humiliating and I’d rather lose a limb than admit a weakness to you.

‘I’m not scared of flying,’ she said, her fingers now fused with the leather. ‘I just have issues with the whole concept.’

‘What issues, exactly?’

He wanted to have a conversation about this now? When they were both about to die?

Extreme exasperation got the better of her terror for a second. ‘Gravitational issues,’ she snapped. ‘Such as, how does a huge metal box that weighs several tons stay airborne?’

The plane tore away from the runway and her stomach—and the last of her courage—went into free fall.

Please don’t let me start whimpering. Or puking.

‘Hal, it’s called aerodynamics,’ he said, all knowledge and reason when she was embarking on a major panic attack.

His pure blue eyes blurred round the edges as she struggled to make sense of the statement. Her stomach rocked against her ribs as the plane banked. She caught a glimpse of chequerboard fields and ribbon roads dotted with toy cars through the window and slammed her eyes shut.

Do. Not. Look. Down. The first rule of upchuck avoidance.

‘Excuse me if I’m not convinced by your knowledge of aerodynamics,’ she hissed through clenched teeth. ‘I happen to know you bunked off every physics lesson you ever had.’

‘I did an article on the aerospace industry for a tech website last year.’

A weak scoffing sound was all she could manage, the rumbling thud of the plane’s undercarriage lifting into the fuselage echoing in her stomach.

‘And, by the way, this plane is mostly made out of carbon fibre, not metal, if that helps.’

It didn’t. She couldn’t compute his words any more. Her head tipped back, anchored to the seat, as she ground her teeth hard enough to crack a molar.

‘Oh, God.’ She panted, hyperventilation the only way to keep breathing as the plane lifted into the cloud bank. Her stomach levitated into her throat. She swallowed convulsively to stop it vomiting out of her mouth. ‘I’m not ready to die.’

That would be whimpering.

A warm palm covered the hand she had superglued to the armrest.

‘You’re not going to die. You’re indestructible.’ His palm curled over her whitening knuckles and his thumb stroked the small scar on her wrist left by the burn he’d noticed in Paris. ‘If we crash, you’ll bounce.’

She wanted to tell him he was right, she was indestructible, because she’d had to be. But she didn’t feel indestructible. And she had lost the ability to talk, every single muscle and sinew in her jaw and neck having atrophied.

‘I need a pill,’ she finally managed to squeak. ‘Please.’ The begging would have embarrassed her, but in the grand apocalyptic scheme of things, having Luke smirk at her while she died didn’t seem like such a big deal any more.

‘Is everything OK, Ms Best?’

Halle prised open an eyelid to find the stewardess looking down at their joined hands with a benevolent smile.

‘I’m fine.’ Her whole body shuddered like an alcoholic recovering from an all-night bender. The stewardess didn’t look convinced. ‘If I could just …’

‘For Chrissake, Hal.’ Luke’s grip on her hand tightened. ‘You’re freaking out. There’s no shame in admitting it. Loads of people don’t like flying.’

‘I a-a-am not freaking out.’ She never freaked out. She happened to be a champion coper—even if her chattering teeth weren’t helping to emphasise the point.

‘Let go of the chair,’ he ordered. ‘You’re about to break your fingernails.’

‘If I let go, I’ll fall.’ The plaintive plea sounded childish, even to her.

‘You’re strapped in, Hal. You’re not going anywhere.’

‘You won’t fall, Ms Best. This is an Airbus 380, the newest and best-designed plane in our fleet.’ The stewardess’s soothing tone managed to be even more annoying than Luke’s condescension.

‘You don’t know that,’ she whimpered.

Luke’s thumb caressed the web of flesh between her thumb and forefinger. ‘I do. Now let go, I’ve got you.’ He massaged into the pressure point. And her fingers released instinctively.

He threaded his fingers through hers and held on to her, just as he’d promised. ‘See, you didn’t fall.’

She rolled her head towards him, which wasn’t easy given that the sinews in her neck had about as much give in them as steel suspension cables. And managed a small nod.

‘Now breathe,’ he commanded.

Air swelled into her lungs and gushed out as the plane’s nose dipped to level off to their cruising altitude.

‘That’s it, keep doing what you’re doing,’ he prompted.

She concentrated on taking deep, even breaths, willing her lungs to cooperate. But continued to cling to his hand. The seat-belt sign pinged off and the purser’s reassuring voice droned on about their cruising altitude and flight path. Her gaze drifted to the fluffed cloudscape floating beneath them outside the window. The panic settled to purr under her breastbone, like a sleeping tiger ready to snarl at the first sign of danger, but subdued enough not to bite off her head at the slightest bump.

Luke squeezed her hand. ‘You OK?’

‘Yes,’ she croaked, her throat sore as her neck muscles relaxed.

‘You sure? You still look pretty spooked.’ He searched her face.

She took another careful breath, sighed when it didn’t hurt. ‘The take-off’s always the worse bit. I’ll be OK now.’ The Xanax must have finally kicked in, because she was starting to feel pleasantly numb.