The Beautiful Widow

With him? This was getting worse. ‘I’ve got my ticket—’

‘I’m going to call the hospital for an update and then a cab, OK? I have never yet left any young woman I was responsible for to make her own way home, and I don’t intend to start with you, Toni.’

She stared at him. ‘You’re not responsible for me.’

‘You came here early this evening because I asked you to and you stayed for a meal for the same reason. It is now—’ he consulted his watch ‘—getting on for eleven, and soon all the gremlins and goblins come out to play. Indulge me.’

He was light-hearted, casual, but she couldn’t rise to the humour. ‘Really, there’s no need.’

‘Yes, there is.’ The silver eyes fixed her determinedly.

Oh, for goodness’ sake! ‘Thank you,’ she said. Not.

‘I’d drive myself but I’ve had a drink,’ he added, rising to his feet as though the matter was settled. ‘Now come along.’

Toni stood up. She felt she couldn’t do anything else but she found she really didn’t want to ride home with him in a taxi. They’d shared a meal, admittedly, but on opposite sides of the table. A taxi was altogether more … She baulked at the word intimate and substituted cosy.

Fifteen minutes later she was sitting in a cab on her way home to Finsbury clutching her portfolio to her chest. Steel was sprawled beside her taking a good two-thirds of the seat, his long legs stretched in front of him and his whole persona one of lazy relaxation as he went over a few key points of the project.

Toni tried to concentrate, she really did, but she was acutely aware of a hard male thigh against hers, the five-o’clock stubble on his chin, which accentuated his brand of aggressive masculinity tenfold, and, not least, the bigness of him. The hard muscled shoulders were broad in keeping with his height, but it was more the overall virility of the man that was so disturbing. And attractive. And definitely scary.

Oh, she didn’t doubt those worldly, sophisticated women a man like Steel would date would be able to handle his fascination just fine. But she was neither worldly nor sophisticated, she admitted feverishly, wishing the journey would end. Before Richard she had never slept with a man before. Lots of her boyfriends had tried to go all the way, of course, but that wasn’t how she had been brought up. She hadn’t minded kissing and petting, she was as red-blooded as the next woman, but she’d always known she would need to be in love before she committed herself body, soul and spirit. It was just the way she was made and that was that. She’d done apologising for the fact long before Richard had come across the horizon. It hadn’t taken her long to understand that the male sex worked on quite another agenda, however. Most of them didn’t need to do more than like a woman before they indulged in anything and everything, no holds barred. And some of them simply refused to compute the word no.

But Richard had been understanding and prepared to wait. He’d assured her that one-night stands and casual sex weren’t on his agenda either, and he had charmed her down the aisle before she had recognised he was essentially a terribly weak and flawed individual. But even then, when her love had turned to lukewarm affection and she had realised she was always going to have to be the strong one in the relationship, the one who carried the family and made all the important decisions, she still hadn’t known about his addiction. He had been cunning enough to keep that dark side of his life from her completely, so maybe he had been stronger than she’d thought?

To her acute discomfort she came out of the maelstrom of memories to find Steel was watching her with eyes like polished, razor-sharp crystal. ‘I’m sorry?’ Too late she realised he was waiting for an answer to a question she hadn’t heard. Wonderful. Just the way to show a new boss you were on the ball.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ He brushed away whatever he’d said with an inclination of his head, but his gaze didn’t leave her face as he continued, ‘What were you thinking about just now?’

She had only known him a matter of hours but she already knew prevarication wasn’t an option. Deciding a half-truth would carry the weight she needed, she said quietly, ‘I was thinking how someone’s life can be turned around in an hour or two. When I came to see you tonight the future looked like an uphill struggle I might never get control of, but now, now I feel I’ve been given my life back. Richard left us in a terrible mess and it was hard to come to terms with the fact I’d never really known him in spite of being married for four years. But that is the past and I have to look to the future for me and the girls. I can do that now.’

He was still watching her closely but his tone was light when he said, ‘What would you have done if I hadn’t offered you the job?’

She shrugged. ‘Picked myself up and carried on.’

‘The English bulldog we-will-not-be-beaten spirit?’

It was faintly mocking and, as had happened more than once that evening, he’d caught her on the raw. ‘No,’ she answered steadily, ‘just the spirit of a mother who is determined to make a good life for her children, that’s all. Whatever it takes.’

‘A mother.’ His eyes ran over her for a second, and although she had her coat on she felt her breasts tingle as though he had reached out and touched her. ‘I find it difficult to see you as a mother. Not that I doubt you’re a very good one,’ he added hastily, ‘but you look so young and—’ his tone changed, becoming self-derisive ‘—untouched.’

‘Looks are deceptive.’ His brief inspection had left her feeling panicky and afraid of something she couldn’t put a name to. And it was because of this she felt compelled to add, ‘I am totally a mother; Amelia and Daisy are the only people who really matter to me and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on. We don’t need anyone else.’