Indigo Bloome Collection: The Avalon Trilogy: Destined to Play, Destined to Feel, Destined to Fly

I feel exhausted, numb.

Alive.

Calm.

Intense.

Light.

Energised.

Overwhelmed.

Frightened.

Lustful.

Special.

***

I lie down on my back with my elbows propping me up. Jeremy offers me some water. Basic needs become an urgent priority as I realise just how thirsty I am. I splash it down my throat and gulp and gulp and gulp.

‘Thank you.’

‘Are you hungry?’

‘I’m not sure.’ He hands me a sandwich and I take a bite. ‘Hmm, maybe I am.’

We eat and chat and chat. And chat and eat and drink as the wall I have carefully constructed to protect me from my feelings for him over the past decade crumbles more completely.

‘Can I ask you something?’ the voice beside me says.

A flash of anxiety passes through me for a millisecond and I send it away.

‘Sure. What would you like to ask me?’

‘Do you ever do it back there, any more?’ I must have looked as confused as I felt because his hand slips under my crotch and gives a little push toward my butt. ‘You know, back there.’

‘Of all the things to ask! No, I don’t. Not since you anyway,’ I explain, not in the least expecting this change in topic.

My arsehole must remember the feelings of the first time as it starts to react to our discussion.

‘Why not?’

‘Why should I?’

‘Alex,’ he says flatly.

‘This question thing is ridiculous!’

He returns to the subject he wants to discuss. ‘But you loved it.’

‘You loved it and that’s why you did it. You were obsessed with it, ever since the butt plug night and still are by the sounds of it,’ I add.

‘But your body loved it.’

‘I’m not so sure …’

‘Oh, but yes it did. Your body loved it a lot.’

He rolls me over on to my stomach and simply cups his hand over my leathered behind. Tingles immediately zap through my body as if to prove the point.

‘Well, it may have, eventually, but I didn’t,’ I say quickly, attempting to close the topic. Why is he talking about this?

‘Isn’t it one and the same?’

‘Obviously not,’ I reply.

‘Really? So you are actually admitting that your mind and body might be thinking and feeling different things?’ Oh, here we go, our age-old discussion …

‘Why are you trying to trap me with your words, Jeremy? Honestly, you are making me doubt every assumption I’ve ever made in my life this weekend. It is really disturbing me.’

‘Ah, this just keeps getting more perfect by the hour,’ he says, laughing with confidence.

‘I don’t find it even vaguely amusing, actually.’ I say nothing more in the hope that he will move on to another topic of conversation.

‘I’m only asking because I’m involved in some research that deals with exactly this issue.’

‘What, arseholes? And back door entry?’ Now it is my turn to chuckle as I consider exactly what this sort of research might have involved back at uni. No doubt Jeremy would have eagerly volunteered.

‘No, not arseholes, Alex,’ he says more seriously, then jokes, ‘Well, not yet anyway, but I am happy to experiment with yours whenever you’re ready.’ He strategically strokes my leathered behind. ‘More about that later. Right now, we need to get going.’

‘Oh, do we have to? The sun feels so good it would be lovely just to stay here a little longer and have a siesta, don’t you think?’ I settle into a sideways sleeping position.

‘It would be, but it is not going to happen. I’m not wasting my hours with you sleeping when we are on a time limit. I am making the most of every minute.’

‘How much more can we fit in, Jeremy? Drinks, baths, dinner, dancing, singing, sex, orgasms, breakfast, bike riding, coffee, skydiving’ — I say with great emphasis — ‘and now a picnic. Isn’t that enough for a week, let alone one day? We’ve already done everything. Let’s rest a little, just half an hour or so. There’s still plenty of time.’ I say the words although I’ve no idea how much time is left or where we are. I place my hand out to try to find him and pull him toward me but he has moved.

‘You haven’t changed, have you? There’s so much more to experience, to awaken within you and so little time.’

‘Isn’t skydiving the ultimate experience? I promise you, Jeremy, I feel well and truly awakened, probably more so than I have for many decades.’ My mind wanders back to this morning and the pulsing sensation reignites in my groin from the memories.

‘I can assure you, sweetheart, I have barely begun.’ He strokes my cheeks and lightly kisses my lips. Shit! Barely begun? What more is there? My heart starts racing — again.

‘There is an amazing innocence about you, Alexa, even after all these years.’

I’m not sure whether to be offended or not.