Erotica Romana

I helped to make it myself: diligent in my own grief.
"Well, now his wish is fulfilled. The old gardner's most dissolute crow has
Left on this day unscathed nice little garden and niece."

XX

While there is many an unpleasant sound, I hate to hear barking
Worse than anything else. Bellowing dogs split my ears.
Nevertheless I do like to hear, and take pleasure in listening
To the loud howl of the dog raised from a pup next door.
That is the dog that so bayed one time at my girl that he almost
Gave our secret away (when she was visiting me).
Now, when I hear the dog barking I think my beloved is coming —
Or I remember the time, when long awaited she came.

XXI

I can tell not only about a discomfort far greater than others,
But of a horror besides, thinking of which will arouse
Every fiber in me to revulsion. My friends, I confess it:
Great displeasure I take lying alone in my bed.
But it's a horror to fear on the pathways of love you'll discover
Snakes and their venom beneath roses of eager desire —
That at the moment supreme, when I'm yielding to pleasure so fully,
Right at my head as it droops, hissing disease may approach.
That's why Faustina as my companion in bed makes me happy:
Loving she always remains faithful, as I am to her.
Young men are aroused in their passions by obstacles and by excitement;
I prefer to go slow, savoring pleasures secure.
Is it not bliss to exchange tender kisses containing no dangers,
Sucking into our lungs, carefree, our partner's own life?
That is the way our long nights of enjoyment are passed. We listen,
Breast against breast, to the storm, pouring down rain in the wind
Morning begins to dawn, we expect from these hours approaching
Blossoms that will adorn festive the coming new day.
Quirites, permit me the joy, and may this, of all pleasures on earth the
First and the last, be vouchsafed all of mankind by the god.

XXII

Ah, to uphold one's respectable name is not easy. The Lady
Fame has an ancient foe: Cupid, my master and lord.
Oh, by the way, have you heard of the cause of their mutual hatred?
It's an old story, I think – Let me just tell it again.
Powerful ever the goddess, but nevertheless to her fellows
Overbearing and rude, quite unendurable. She
Had by the gods since time out of mind at their banquets been dreaded,
Yelling with brassiest voice orders to great and to small.
Once, in her arrogance even maintained that she had subjected
To her own will, as her slave, Jove's most illustrious son.
"One of these days, O father of deities," cried she in triumph,
"I shall be bringing you my – Hercules, as if new born.
Don't think that Hercules be still that boy whom Alcmene once bore you;
His adulation of me makes him now god upon earth.
When toward Olympus he gazes, I've no doubt you hope that he's looking
Piously toward your knees. Hardly. He's looking for me.
Worthiest man! O the vision of winning my favor makes easy
Hitherto unexplored paths, under that powerful foot.
I do my part, for I meet him halfway and proclaim his adventures
Praising his name in advance, even before he's begun.
One day you'll wed me to Hercules.  Hero who Amazons conquered
That day will overwhelm me. Happily I'll call him:  spouse."
All of the gods kept their counsel, and none would reply to the braggart,
Lest in a pique she devise vengeance against one of them.
Cupid, escaping attention, slipped off to enslave, however, her hero:
Artlessly conquering by – force of a beautiful girl,
Afterward decked out his couple in mute masquerade:  lionskin
Over her shoulders, the club leaned (by much toil) at her side;
Wiry stiff hair of the hero larded with blossoms, a distaff
Laid in his fist, to conform strength to the dalliance of love.
Scene now completed and ready to tease, he goes scampering, shouting
For all Olympus to hear: "Come, see these glorious deeds!
Heaven and Earth and the Sun on his indefatigable journey
Over that infinite path never did witness the like!"
Everyone hastened, gulled by the dissolute boy, who feigning
Earnest, had summoned them all (Fame by no means lagged behind).
Which of the gods will now smile in sweet condescension on Cupid?
– Juno! delighted, of course, seeing a man humbled so.
Fame, on the other hand, stood there ashamed, embarrassed, despairing.
First she just laughed, saying: "Gods, be not deceived. It's a masque.
I know my hero too well to be fooled by disguises of actors."
Soon, though, in pain she perceived: Hercules, none but he.
(Vulcan had not been one thousandth so vexed to discover his playmate
Under his meshes ensnared, caught with his own lusty friend,
Lying just as the wiles of the net at the most crucial moment
Deftly embraced their embrace, trapping their instant of joy.
How those boys, Bacchus and Mercury, guffawed, and freely admitted:
Sweet must be the repose, lying on bosom so fine
Of this magnificent woman. They turned to Vulcan entreating:
"Do not release them just yet. Let us inspect them once more."
And the old cuckold was cuckold enough to comply with their wishes.)
As for poor Fame, in all haste, burning with wrath she must flee.
Since then no armistice has been proclaimed to the feuding between them.
Let her but favor a man, hot in pursuit is the boy.
He whom Fame honors most can least defend against Cupid,
And her most dang'rous attacks strike the most morally proud.
Whoever tries to escape him is dragged down from bad deeds to worse ones.
Yes, he will offer you girls – if like a fool you despise
These, only then do you feel from his bow the arrows most vicious:
Heat of man's love for man, ardent desires toward beasts.