The Perfect Indulgence

“I’m not trying to fix anything—I’m uncovering the real me. You must think it’s possible to change or you wouldn’t have brought Luke here.”

“Luke is trying to change his perspective and his circumstances. Not who he is.”

Chris bristled. “I’m not even sure who I am. The real me has been blocked my whole life, and I’m only just getting at her. You can’t claim to know her and what she needs better than I do.”

“No, of course not.”

Chris struggled to relax. Darn it, Zac had gotten to her again. “All I know is that I have felt charged up and mildly panicked my whole life, and now I feel I can be free of that. How can that be wrong?”

“It’s not. I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. If this program is making life better for you, that’s a good thing.”

Chris waited, a piece of chocolate held so close to her mouth that her salivary glands activated. Was he really as sincere as he sounded, or was he making fun of her again?

He seemed calm.

Yeah, big surprise.

She ate the chocolate, feeling oddly cheated by his surrender, which was crazy. The last thing she needed was more arguing.

“Okay, so now we’ve discussed our evenings and what we’ve done for the past few months.” Zac shifted on the blanket. “I get to ask. Are you going to see Gus again? Are you going to have dinner with Bodie?”

Chris frowned. “Why do you want to know?”

“Jeez, Chris.” Zac exhaled impatiently. “Why do you think?”

Another one of those pesky thrills chased around her body. Was he saying he was interested? Jealous, maybe? Stop. At the center she’d identified this crazy-making habit of projecting her own thoughts onto other people and had sworn to avoid it, even if it meant putting herself in awkward or potentially vulnerable situations. From now on, communication had to be honest and clean, always. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Okay, I will.” He wrapped his arms around his knees. “Because Gus is interested only in surfing and himself and Bodie is interested only in surfing and himself, plus getting laid as often as possible. Gus will treat you like crap because he doesn’t know any better, and Bodie will treat you like crap because at heart he’s a misogynist.”

Chris straightened, annoyed by his response. He sounded like a big brother trying to keep his naive little sister from dating the school bad boy. “I’m not planning to marry either of them.”

“Good.” Her response clearly annoyed him, too. “You’ll get along fine, then.”

Chris retreated into silence, totally aggravated by the tension that had ruined the mood of their evening. And aggravated that she was aggravated because she’d spent so many months deliciously calm. Who cared what Zac thought of her love life? He was—

Stop again. Another old pattern—coming up with an outraged defense to distract herself from the truth. Truth always needed admitting and facing, no matter how hard.

Okay. Truth time. Zac’s big-brother answer to her charged question had pricked her ego. Deep down she’d wanted him to say he was jealous of her dating other men. Because...

Because...

Because she was attracted to him.

The minute she admitted the truth, she felt the aggravation draining away, giving her a moment of relief before it was replaced by the almost worse panic of vulnerability.