Feels So Right

“I guess.” He pulled a pink rose out of a nearby bucket and handed it to her. “For you.”

“Awww, thanks, Seth.” She made a big show of rolling her eyes, cursing her traitor heart for beating the tiniest bit faster when he handed her the flower.

“I was thinking …”

She snorted. “Don’t strain anything.”

“I have the perfect Christmas present for you.”

Bonnie stiffened. Oh, no. He was not going to start with this seduction crap again, was he? Not that it mattered. She had Don to think about now, to fantasize about, to talk to and confide in. His profile had said he was looking for marriage, right there in black and white, and wow, men could do that? In every way he was better for her than Seth Blackstone, no matter the size of Seth’s … trust fund.

“That idea Angela had, about the Come to Your Senses holiday promotional? I can pay your share of the group advertising.” He shrugged. “No wrapping or ribbon, but I thought you might like that.”

She put the pink rose back into its bucket, incredibly touched, and yes, feeling guilty for assuming Seth had been about to bribe her with some expensive gift. Instead, he was trying to help out, knowing she struggled to keep up with expenses others could take on without blinking. “Seth. That is so sweet. But I can’t let you—”

“Hey, this is a present.” He gave her a severe look, which made him so fiercely sexy she wanted to attack him. But, being newly-in-control Bonnie, she didn’t. “Very rude to turn it down.”

“How about a loan?”

“How about a gift?”

“How about half of the cost?”

“How about all of the cost?” He put a finger to her lips as she was about to speak again. She tried very hard not to shiver, and nearly succeeded. “Look, Bonnie, I have unfair amounts of money, you’re struggling right now, this would make me happy, and it would make it possible for you to be part of the Come to Your Senses special, which you should be because it makes brilliant business sense. So stuff the pride down your pants and say, ‘Seth, you utterly astounding man, I bow to your mind-blowing brilliance and accept.’”

Bonnie bit her lip, thinking it over. If the group did a lot of advertising, which they should, the costs would probably add up to the total of what she had in her savings account. A loan would help. An outright gift would help even more. Seth had offered financial assistance several times and she’d always turned him down, but she did desperately want to be part of the event. “How about a simple thank-you?”

“Hmm.” He pretended to consider. “So a blow job is out of the question?”

“Seth!” She cracked up, knowing he was kidding, pushing away the image of that incredibly sexy look he got on his face when she—”It is most definitely out of the question.”

“Okay, okay.” He grinned, which turned him instantly from bad boy to farm boy, a transition that never stopped amazing her. “I’m glad you’ll let me help.”

“I’m really grateful, Seth. You know I am.”

“Yeah …” He dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck, which meant he had something emotionally risky or otherwise difficult to say. “So you seeing that Don guy again?”

“I am.” Sadness started building in her chest just when she most wanted to feel happy. She turned away, moved to a bucket of gerbera daisies, unable to face him. “We’re going out to dinner tonight.”

“That’s fast. Didn’t you just have a first date with him?”

“Fast?” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “You and I were in bed within a week.”

“Geez, Bon.” His voice was tight. “You’re going to sleep with him?”

Bonnie’s throat cramped. Ironic that she so hated causing him pain, since he’d caused her so damn much so many times.

“Seth.” She turned to find he’d come up behind her much closer than she expected. With buckets at her back, she couldn’t move away, had to tip her head to meet his gray eyes, which showed a flash of entirely uncharacteristic vulnerability. “I am a grown woman who has met a man I really like. If I continue to really like him then yes. Sleeping together is a natural progression.”

The second the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. No, not quite regretted. She’d spoken the truth. But this was Seth. A man she cared for … had cared for very, very much. And the way his beautiful tough-guy eyes had just gone dead and his strong jaw had turned to stone, she knew she was hurting him. But since, in his typically caveman way, he was having trouble accepting the idea of Bonnie with someone else, she might as well be blunt, even if it seemed cruel.

And frankly, she’d spent the better part of the past nearly two years since moving into this building watching Seth parade around with one stunning woman after another, so she couldn’t say she was totally dying of sympathy. Maybe now he’d start cluing into what her life had been like so many times after he left her. Not that she’d ever want to be vindictive about this. Just pay him back a little. Which was different. Sort of.

“I was wondering.” He had his hands in his pockets and was looking down at her with that magnetic gaze that used to regularly set her on fire. “If you wanted to have dinner sometime. Maybe Friday? Either out or at my place?”

She gaped at him, heat flooding her face. Never in the five years since they’d broken up had he ever issued an advance invitation like this, as if he was asking her on a formal date. In fact, not even while they were dating. Their plans were always made last-minute. Hey, let’s do this, let’s do that, here’s what I feel like, how about you?

“Wow. Seth, that is really sweet. And you are the world’s greatest cook. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?” He put his hands on his hips, which seemed to broaden his chest, make his proximity even more intimate. “Did you and Don agree not to see other people?”

“No, no.” She laughed nervously. “A little too soon for that.”

“So you’re open to dating other men?”

“Well, yes, but, Seth—”

“Am I not a man?” He glanced down at his pants suspiciously. “I’m pretty sure I qualify.”

Did he ever. “Seth, come on. It’s different with you and me.”

“How about if it wasn’t?”

She frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath, clearly struggling. “How about if we erased everything and started over? You and me. A first date.”

She narrowed her eyes. What was this about? He’d told her a couple of months ago that he was starting therapy, to learn why he was resisting her. Had his invitation evolved from that process?

“I’m sorry, Seth, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“You afraid?” His eyebrow quirked; he was already gaining confidence, knowing how much she hated that particular taunt.

“Of you?” She threw out a loud and unconvincing “Ha!”

“Prove it. Have dinner with me.” He was too close, the pull of his body undeniable. “Upstairs, my place, Friday night.”

He was right. She was afraid. Terribly afraid. Afraid of falling for him again. Afraid of being hurt. She’d come such a long way, had worked so hard to be at peace around him. No way was she going back to vulnerability and pain. He and his therapist might like the idea of starting over, but you couldn’t chuck as much baggage as they had just by wanting to.

“Sorry, can’t.”

“You mean won’t?”

Bonnie nodded brusquely, lump the size of Cleveland in her throat, wanting to have dinner with him, hating that she did and that he was making her choose yet again. “Won’t.”

“I was planning to make shepherd’s pie. With chocolate hazelnut cheesecake for dessert.”

She glared at him. “You like to fight dirty.”