Number Nineteen: Ben’s Last Case

But one couldn’t just go on lying and talking to a cat, so after a little while Ben sat up and tried to become practical again. He had not yet paid that return visit to the larder, most unfortunately located in the basement, and his stomach would have no chance of returning to normal until he got something inside it. Before making another descent, however, he had to do a little constructive thinking. He thought aloud, to Sammy.

‘There’s more’n us two in the ’ouse,’ he said. ‘I mean, us three, ’cos we carn’t leave aht Marmerduke. ’Ow are yer, Marmerduke? I ain’t seed yer laitely, but if I went acrorst ter that lookin’-glass I’d find yer was still ’ere! Yus, but besides us three, there’s a fourth in the room with the locked door, the one wot we calls the Stacher. ’E’s got a torch. Wot else ’as ’e got? Wot we’re ’opin’, ain’t we, Sammy and Marmerduke, is that ’e ain’t got a gun. Or a key! We don’t want ’im poppin’ aht on us, do we? Yus, but p’r’aps ’e ain’t got a key? P’r’aps ’e’s a prisoner like, bein’ kep’ locked up? Yus, ’ow abart that?’

Not precisely an exhilarating thought, yet there was some comfort in it.

Turning then from the living to the dead, Ben continued his reflections, while the black cat beside him concentrated on licking its paws smooth.

‘Nah, then. ’Ow abart that corpse? It mikes a cupple, one ahtside on a seat, one inside on the floor. Yus, that bloke on the floor was a deader, no mistike abart it. Bein’ dead ain’t like bein’ asleep. When yer see a deader there’s somethink abart ’em that tells yer they ain’t never comin’ back. Corse, I on’y seed ’im fer a momint when the torch went on ’im. We didn’t waite fer no more, did we, Sammy? Yer ain’t listenin’! Go on, chuck yer paws, they’re orl right, and listen, wot I’m sayin’ is importent. See, nah, Sammy, I’m comin’ ter it! I’m comin’ ter the ’orrerble thort! ’Oo is the corpse? ’Ave you any idea?’

Apparently Sammy had none.

‘Well, ’ow abart you, Marmerduke? Wot’s goin’ on atween your side-whiskers?’

But Marmaduke proved as barren as the cat.

‘A lot o’ good you are, the pair of yer!’ said Ben, disgustedly. But it was nice talking to them, just the same. Not only for the companionship of one’s voice, but also because it gave one a sort of superior feeling. After all, however lowly you are, you’re a cut above a cat and a feller wot ain’t. ‘Orl right, I’ll tell yer ’oo I think ’e might be. Git ready, ’cos this ain’t goin’ ter be nice. ’Ow abart ’im bein’ the larst caretaiker?… Lummy!… See, I’m the nex’!’

Ben rather wished he had not mentioned this thought aloud. It seemed to fix it like. For comfort he added, rather hastily,

‘Corse, it’s on’y an idea, minjer. I may be wrong!’

But he felt uncomfortably sure that he was not wrong. And, even if he were, the man had been dead, hadn’t he? No doubt whatever about that.

Well, there it was, and when he tried to think beyond this he found that he could not. He had come up against a wall in his mind, and partly because it was a very tired mind existing precariously above a very empty stomach, he had to give up any further mental effort. And don’t forget, he excused himself, he’d had a dose of something put inside him not so long ago, and that never did nobody no good, did it?

‘So I’m goin’ dahn ter git me supper, Sammy,’ he said. ‘Jest that, and nothink else. And this time yer’d better stay ’ere and waite fer me. See, if I gits any more shocks I don’t wanter sit dahn on yer agine.’

Sammy, now with green eyes closed, agreed. The cat was far too comfortable to evince any desire to move.

So down Ben went again, putting blinkers on his thoughts, and kept resolutely moving until he found himself once more in the larder.

For twenty minutes life became bearable again. In the bread-bin he found three-quarters of a loaf of bread. One of those nice, easy loaves, with the slices already cut for you. Slices a bit thin, perhaps, for the ideal conception, but if you lumped a couple of thin ones together, that made one thick one. And there was a tin of shrimp paste to use between as glue. The shrimp paste was all right underneath, once you’d scraped off the top layer of green. Then there were two tins of sardines, and one tin of Heinz’s Cooked Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce with Cheese, and one of Heinz’s Cooked Macaroni in Cream Sauce with Cheese. Big ’uns, both. In spite of the cheese, Ben decided on the sardines, because you were supposed to eat sardines cold while Heinz needed to be warmed, and he didn’t want to waste time trying to do any cooking. Tin-opener? Gawd! Suppose there wasn’t one? He searched in a panic, but found the precious implement at last in a drawer in the kitchen table, and opening one of the sardine tins he feasted first his eyes, and then his stomach, on six fat oily little darlings. He ate them straight out of the tin, skin, backbone, oil and all. Saved washin’ up. And, spotting a bottle of Yorkshire Relish after he had got half-way through the contents of the tin, he filled it up again with the sauce, and for two glorious if somewhat startling minutes lived in heaven.

‘It mikes yer sweat,’ he admitted, when he had licked the tin clean, ‘but, lummy, it’s good!’

What happened next was not quite so good. The front-door bell rang.

7 (#ulink_14d422ff-7c25-5743-a907-57dd538b462a)

Conversation on a Doorstep (#ulink_14d422ff-7c25-5743-a907-57dd538b462a)

Ben’s first feeling on hearing the bell was one of resentment. Wasn’t he ever to be let alone? This was what he had meant to safeguard himself against when he had tried to get Mr Smith to define and limit his working hours.

If the person who had rung the front-door bell was a house-hunter, this was a most unreasonable time to call! How can you expect to see a house properly if you’re shown over it by candle-light? On the other hand, if the person were not a house-hunter, then there would probably be other good reasons against answering this late summons.

‘They’ll ’ave ter ring twice,’ decided Ben, ‘if they’re goin’ ter git me!’

They did ring twice, and the second ring was followed by the sound of the door-knocker. Lummy, he s’posed he’d have to go! But if he had any say in the matter, which was of course a moot point, he did not intend to make himself pleasant.

Managing to keep his eyes from straying along the passage towards the room with the locked door—he was trying hard not to think of that—he left the kitchen and mounted the basement stairs, candle held before him, his shadow sliding up behind. When he reached the hall he was tempted to desert his duty and to continue mounting up to the top, but he knew that the candle-light would be betraying its flickering presence in the fanlight above the front door, so he could not pretend that nobody was in the house. Taking a deep breath—it sort of steadied him like—he went to the door, transferred the candlestick from his right hand to his left, grasped the door-knob, paused, then turned the knob quickly and pulled the door open.

His action was so sudden that the feeble flame of the candle failed to survive the draught of air that came through the doorway, and went out. There was no unkind trick that had not been played on Ben in moments of tenseness. He had had even this one before. The dim figure standing before him on the doorstep might be anybody from the Archbishop of Canterbury to a devil with a forked tail. The voice that addressed him, however, clearly came from neither.

‘Perhaps if you relit it,’ said the voice, ‘we could see each other.’

It was a woman’s voice. Apart from a certain strained tenseness in it, it was not unpleasant. Feeling that, so far, things were not as bad as they might have been, and might soon become, Ben fumbled for his matches. Then it occurred to him that after all there might be some advantage in darkness, and it would be as well to delay lighting up.

‘’Oojer want?’ he asked.

‘I prefer to see who I’m talking to,’ came the response.

‘Oh! But if yer’ve come ter the wrong ’ouse—’

‘Isn’t this Number 19?’

‘Well, yus.’

‘Billiter Road?’

That destroyed his happy hope.

‘That’s right,’ he answered. ‘But it’s a bit laite fer callin’, ain’t it?’

‘If it were earlier,’ replied the woman, ‘we would not need that candle to talk by. Aren’t you going to light it?’

He supposed he would have to, and he did so with an inward sigh. He struck a match, applied it to the wick, and the little flame glowed again. By its insufficient illumination Ben saw that the woman was young and rather attractive, if not exactly his meat. He preferred ’em plump and fair, and this ’un was dark and slim. Nice neat dress, anyhow. In fact, you shouldn’t call her a woman, really. She was a lidy.

All at once Ben switched off her on to himself. He stopped thinking of what he was looking at and thought of what she was looking at, and a wave of self-consciousness swept over him. This was the first person, not counting his employer, who had seen him in his new guise, and quite apart from getting used to being seen like he wasn’t, it set up a pretty problem. Should he try and talk like he thought Marmaduke would, or go on being natural like? His natural voice certainly did not fit his neat attire. A cat as audience didn’t matter, but this was a very different cup o’ tea.

‘Thank you, that’s better,’ said the young lady.

‘Don’t menshun,’ returned Ben.

‘Then I won’t.’ There was something odd in her voice, a hardness which somehow Ben did not think natural. Was she playing a part, too? But Ben did not quite believe that, either. Probably there was some other reason, and not a nice one. ‘May I know who you are?’