Mood Swing

“I hope not. It’s weird when she’s here.”

Susan had to agree with that.

Lani hopped back down to the gym floor to warm up with her teammates. Susan had thought when she signed those divorce papers it meant she was no longer her husband’s keeper, but somehow it hadn’t turned out that way. She stuck all the stuff she’d unloaded from her purse back into it again.

“Hello, Susan.”

At the sound of the woman’s voice, Susan turned around to see Linda Markham sitting down next to her. Please. Not her. Not now. Not anytime.

“I just wanted to thank you for the pound cake you sent for Teacher Appreciation Day,” Linda said.

Which had been a while back, so what did she really want? “You’re welcome.”

“I think on the whole the teachers enjoyed it, even though it wasn’t homemade.”

Speaking of not homemade, you came this close to getting a box of Ding Dongs. “Oh, I’m so glad,” Susan said. “I’m just so rushed some days that it’s hard to fit everything in.”

“I’m sure it is. If you’d like, I can recommend a wonderful time-management course. Why don’t I e-mail you the information?”

Why don’t you shove the information? “How sweet of you, Linda. I’d really appreciate that.”

“And next time, just let me know if you don’t have a Bundt cake pan. I have three. I’d be happy to let you borrow one.”

She gave Susan an angelic little smile, but Susan was sure she could see horns sprouting from the top of her head. Linda was one of those insidious women who masked their condescending nature with just enough cutesy smiles and sweet words that you couldn’t come back at them without looking like an ungrateful bitch. Susan’s theory was that motherhood was the only identity Linda had, so becoming queen bee of Parker Heights Middle School was her pinnacle of success. She’d guilt-tripped all the mothers into following after her like a bunch of mind-numbed minions, but still Susan wondered… If one of them ever got up the nerve to toss a bucket of water on Linda, would the others cheer as she melted?

Then Linda put her hand on Susan’s arm and dropped her voice. “Tell me, Susan. How are things since the divorce? Lani seems to be holding up well, but how are you?”

“It’s been a year and a half,” Susan said. “I’m good. But thank you so much for asking.”

“I know how difficult it can be. Not personally, of course. But I’ve had acquaintances who were divorced. It’s such a traumatic thing.”

Then she leaned in and spoke softly. “Is it true what I hear? That Don is getting married again?”

“Yes. It’s true.”

“So how do you feel about that?”

How do I feel about it? As if I’m losing some kind of race I never wanted to enter in the first place. That’s how I feel.

“His fiancée is a nice person,” Susan said. “I’m sure they’ll be very happy together.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Linda said, patting Susan’s arm. “You’re so brave.”

Susan had discovered that wrapping her hand around the neck of somebody who was bugging her didn’t make her feel that bad, and right now making history repeat itself was a pretty tantalizing thought.

Linda’s gaze drifted to one side. “Oh, I suppose I’d better hush. There’s Don.”

Susan turned, relieved to see her ex coming up the stairs. As Linda scurried away, Don sat down beside Susan, one of Lani’s textbooks under his arm.

“You were talking to Linda Markham?” he said.

“Yeah. Didn’t you know? We’re best friends.”

“Right.” He shook his head. “I always wondered what it would be like to be married to a woman who was that uptight. She probably keeps her vagina under lock and key.”

Susan blinked with astonishment.

“What?” Don said.

“Do you know that in all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never once heard you utter the word vagina?”

He shrugged. “I always thought it would embarrass you.”

Right. She was an E.R. nurse. She blushed at the mere mention of genitalia.

No. If anybody had been embarrassed by the word vagina, it had been Don. He’d been the “lights out, no talking” kind of lover who would flatline any woman’s libido. But given the glow that seemed to surround Marla these days, evidently Don had gotten a whole new attitude where sex was concerned. They weren’t actually living together, which relieved Susan from having to deal with Lani’s feelings about that issue, but “not living together” didn’t mean “not having sex.”

Or maybe he’d finally found a woman who actually turned him on.

“Lani’s math textbook,” Don said, handing her the book under his arm. “She left it at my house yesterday.”

Susan took the book with a sigh. “What are we going to do about her forgetting stuff?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should talk to her.”

“I have talked to her, Don. About a dozen times.”

“She’ll grow out of it.”

Yes, and in the meantime Lani would continue to get zeros on assignments she left at home. Thanks for the insight, Don.

Susan asked “So where’s Marla?”

“Late getting off work. She’ll be here soon.”

Susan didn’t know how she felt about Marla being so diligent about coming with Don to Lani’s games. Nice Susan thought it was a good thing to do, particularly since she and Don were getting married. But Bitter Susan was getting a little tired of Marla being so sweet and kind. Damn it, just once couldn’t she do something rotten and bitchy?

“There’s something I need to talk to you about,” Don said. “Marla and I are going away for the three-day weekend coming up, so I won’t be able to see Lani.”

“Going away? Where to?”

“San Francisco.”

Susan looked at him dumbly. “You’re flying to San Francisco for the weekend?”

“It’s kind of a spur of the moment thing.” He smiled. “We like being spontaneous.”

No, you don’t. Or, at least, you didn’t. What happened?