Earth Girl

Despite Dalmora’s best efforts, conversation was a little sluggish after that. Everyone was relieved when Lecturer Playdon stood up again.

‘I think it’s time for lunch.’ His eyes turned to me. ‘Jarra, I’m sure you won’t mind me calling on you to help with your Military skills from time to time. Perhaps you can show the class how to use the food dispensers?’

‘Yes, sir.’ I stopped myself in mid salute. No, seriously, I wasn’t faking it. I’d watched so many info vids, and Jarra Military kid was so real in my head, that the ‘yes, sir’ and salute came automatically. The pupils at Military schools were cadets, and would salute their officer teachers.

The rest of the class seemed convinced, even impressed, as I marched over to the food dispensers and started demonstrating them. The Military me was in charge, but the real me was lurking somewhere on the mental sidelines and throwing a fit of the panics. I’d been in domes just like this on school history club trips, and I knew the food dispensers, but I’d clearly heard the message in Playdon’s words. I’d publicly claimed to be Military. He couldn’t call me a liar, but he was going to keep challenging me to prove my Military knowledge. I could get the food dispensers right, I could get a hundred things right, but just one mistake could ruin me. If I once showed that I wasn’t Military, everyone would start asking what I really was. I didn’t want them to find out the answer to that. Not yet. I wanted them to fully accept me, and to show them I was just as good as they were.

Having got my lunch, I left the choosier students complaining about reconstituted food, sat down at a table and started eating.

‘Excuse me,’ said a voice.

I looked up and recognised the Deltan boy, Fian. I remembered his name, when most of the others were a blur, because he seemed intelligent about history, and …

All right, I admit that was a lie. I could remember Fian’s name because he had long blond hair and nice legs, rather like Arrack San Domex.

‘I’m asking very politely if I can sit next to you,’ Fian said. ‘If you say no, then I’ll leave quietly. There’s absolutely no need for violence.’

I had to grin. ‘Of course.’

He put his tray on the table and sat down. ‘I’m hoping you’ll defend me from Lolia.’

He wasn’t the only one. Within thirty seconds, the remaining six seats at the table had been taken by other boys. There was silence for a while as everyone either ate, or prodded the food with a fork in the hope it would make it taste better.

‘What are those Betans doing here anyway?’ grumbled one of the boys from Gamma. ‘Since when did Beta sector have any interest in history?’

I moved on from my unappetizing main course to my cake. I’d told the class that cake survives the reconstitution process better than most things, so they’d all wisely gone for cake as well.

‘If we’re lucky they’ll leave soon,’ I said. ‘I doubt they have the faintest idea of what life on a pre-history dig site will be like. I’m just waiting to see if they scream when we go outside.’

One or two of the faces round the table looked worried. ‘Is it that bad?’ one of the Gamman boys asked. ‘I went on a dig last summer. We were excavating the remains of one of the first settlements on Asgard. It’s incredibly slow work of course, moving the soil away with tiny brushes, but we spent a lot of time sunbathing and we had picnics and …’

His words trailed off as he saw the look on my face. I didn’t believe it. I really didn’t believe it. By now, I was expecting complete ignorance from the Betans, but this was totally amaz! This lot had signed up for pre-history, and they had absolutely no idea what they were letting themselves in for. I couldn’t help myself. I laughed helplessly.

After lunch, Playdon got us to shift the tables out of the way, and set up the chairs in rows ready for our first class. We settled down in our seats and looked expectantly at him.

‘I realize you’ve come from a lot of different time zones,’ said Playdon, ‘so all I’m doing today is giving my standard introduction to the course. You’re here to learn about pre-history. This is a huge and largely neglected subject. Schools tend to focus on modern history, sometimes restricting their view even more narrowly to their own sector and planet history. Pre-history covers the whole of humanity’s history until when exactly?’

He looked expectantly at the class. I thought it was best if I kept quiet and didn’t attract attention.

Several voices muttered about Wallam-Crane inventing the portal.

‘Wrong,’ said Playdon.

Someone mentioned the first interstellar portal.

‘Wrong again,’ said Playdon.

‘The opening of the first Alpha sector planets to civilian settlement at the start of the Exodus century,’ said a voice from behind me. It sounded like Fian.

‘Correct,’ said Playdon. ‘Until that moment, humanity had effectively existed on only one world. That is the moment when pre-history ends and modern history begins. I normally give a brief introduction to the methods of the Planet First programme now, but since it’s a Military operation, I think we should hear about it from Jarra.’

Well, I could obviously forget the tactic of keeping quiet and not attracting attention. Playdon was going to give me every opportunity to make a fool of myself. He took a seat in the front row, and watched as I stood up and went to the front of the hall.

I’d scanned a lot of vids on Planet First in the last month. I summoned up those memories, took a deep breath, and let my Military alter ego take over.

‘Planet First Approach, Assessment, Screening, Control and Handover methods began with those used right at the end of pre-history on the Alpha planets. Of course, they’ve been improved hugely over the centuries, adding things like the Colony Ten phase. Every time something went wrong, the Military tried to build on the experience and make sure it could never happen again. One Thetis was more than enough.’

The whole class nodded at that, even the Betans. The ent vid channels were always showing horror vids, set in the Thetis chaos year, with celebrity casts struggling to survive and dying heroic deaths in ghastly detail.

‘The first approach to a new star system is with an unmanned probe sent through a five second, drop portal,’ I continued. ‘It sits there passively assessing planets and looking for signs of intelligent alien life. Eventually, it tries sending out a whole series of mathematical and other greets. If there’s still no sign of intelligence, then it moves in towards the most habitable planet, stops, passively monitors again for a spell, and then starts active sensor scans.’

This was just like lecturing to my class at school. I was starting to enjoy myself. They didn’t let me lecture my class at school very often. I always had lots of interesting things to say, but my school friends were reluctant to listen.

Having got over my initial nerves, I risked trying some humour. ‘If, at any point, a sign of intelligent alien life is found then the probe sends alarm calls, Alien Contact programme activates, and thousands of specialist people will get an emergency mail calling them up for instant duty. You may know that hasn’t happened yet.’

There was encouraging laughter from the class.

‘We have however had two near misses, and those worlds are under quarantine to allow those neo-intelligent races to continue their normal evolution. If the issue of intelligent aliens doesn’t arise, and the sensor scans show the planet is suitable for human life, the planet moves into Planet First stage 2. We have a lot of conditions on climate and other things, and we want a sizeable continent that satisfies them. There are plenty of planets around and we can afford to be choosy. There are checks for any number of hazards, stellar radiation, solar storm strength. You name it, we check it.

‘If the planet still looks good, then it moves into the process people really think of as Planet First. Stage 3 is where the Military go planetside on our chosen continent, and this is where it gets dangerous. Almost every planet capable of sustaining life has already evolved its own eco system. The Military have to find and analyse every form of animal, plant, insect, fish, bacteria or other life. They have to discover and assess every possible threat, or we end up with another Thetis. If any of those life forms cannot either be controlled or eliminated then the planet is abandoned.’

Playdon had an odd expression on his face now. I couldn’t work out what it meant, so I tried to ignore it. ‘Stage 4 of Planet First is cleansing the continent of anything harmful. Creatures are either culled, or relocated on other land masses to keep the ecologists happy. Finally, we think things are safe. The planet then moves from Planet First into Colony Ten, and is handed over to the first stage colonists. They can’t leave for ten years, unless they find something dangerous that the earlier stages missed. That’s only happened half a dozen times, but when it did things got nasty. At the end of the ten years, the colonists get paid a fortune, plus bonuses for every child born, and the planet is opened for habitation as part of the newest sector, currently Kappa.’

I looked round at my audience. They still seemed awake, so I added a bit from a Military public information vid I’d seen. ‘It’s worth remembering that every new planet opened up for humanity costs not only a lot of credits, but is also paid for in human blood. Not a single one of the planets has been opened up without at least one member of the Military dying to make it safe for you.’

I went to sit down, and was startled by a round of applause.

Playdon stood up again. ‘Well, thank you for that very eloquent explanation, Jarra. I expect you’re all sitting there wondering what that had to do with pre-history. The answer is this. Only one inhabited planet has never been through Planet First screening, and that’s Earth. If it had been assessed by Planet First, it would have failed. It suffers from too many solar storms, its moon is too large, it’s too close to an asteroid belt. It has five inhabited continents and none of them satisfy the climate conditions for Stage 2. Even if you overlook that, all of them contain plant and animal life that would never be allowed through Stage 3. This planet is dangerous. It was dangerous in pre-history, and it’s a lot more dangerous now.’

‘But the apes live here without any problems,’ a dark haired Gamman boy objected. I was somehow glad Fian hadn’t said that.

‘The settlements are safe, Krath, protected by shields from wild animals, but those are a very small part of the planet,’ said Playdon. I noticed he’d objected to Lolia using the butt word, but didn’t comment on the word ‘ape’. ‘You won’t get eaten by anything hostile wandering round a terminal or a shop, but most dig sites are outside the shields in long abandoned areas.’

He gave a grim smile. ‘You’re here to experience pre-history in a way that you can’t by just scanning vids, so you’re going to the old ruined cities. They are extremely hazardous. There are animals, plants and insects that can and will kill you given the chance. The ruins you’re studying can also be lethal. Humanity had this planet pretty well tamed before Exodus century, but it still had its dangerous areas. Now it’s not tame at all. If you didn’t realize it before, realize it now.’

He looked round the class. ‘I draw your attention one final time to the conditions you agreed to when joining this course. I hope you bothered to scan them. University Asgard will make every effort to ensure your safety, but has absolutely no liability for any death or injury that occurs. This is a legal warning and is on record. If you don’t accept the conditions, then portal out now.’

Several of the class looked hopefully at the Betans, but sadly they showed no sign of leaving. I expect they thought Playdon was exaggerating. Maybe they would think again when they found out he wasn’t.

‘That’s all for today,’ said Playdon. ‘I suggest you rest and try and get yourselves acclimatized to this time zone. Tomorrow we start work at nine.’

5

I tried to call Issette later on and just got the ‘not available’ message. Then I tried to send her a mail, but gave up in the end. I couldn’t work out what to say about the exos on my course. The Betans were ghastly, Krath was an idiot, and the Alphan girl was too sickeningly perfect, but the others seemed normal. I don’t mean normal rather than Handicapped, I mean they were ordinary people.

I was feeling pretty weird to be honest. In amongst the hate thing I felt for the norms, there was some guilt about the lies, and the whole Jarra Military kid fantasy was getting disturbingly real. I went to bed in a bad mood, and had a dream where I really was JMK. I was living her life on a Military base, my Military parents were back on leave and …

I woke up early, feeling confused and disoriented after that crazy dream, and found a mail waiting for me from Issette. A long one, where she chattered away with the flushed, happy, excited look that I knew so well, telling me all about how she’d been at her evening student meet and greet when I tried to call her, and how wonderful it had been. I wanted to call her back and talk properly, but she’d be in classes. The five hour time difference between our continents didn’t sound much but it was a real communication problem.