Chocolate Busters: The Easy Way to Kick It!

You may feel that all the advertising, brainwashing, conditioning, trips around Chocolate World and text campaigns have got nothing to do with why you eat chocolate. You may simply believe that the only reason you eat it is because it’s sooooooo blooming lovely. You may also feel that it is fair game for Cadbury and the rest of the chocolate gang to aim their adverts at children. You may strongly think: ‘We’re not talking cigarettes here Jason, it’s only a bit of chocolate’. If that’s the case, I shouldn’t think you’re on your own there; after all, it takes a very open mind to be alive to the possibility that we could have been manipulated on a mental and physical level to this extent, to the possibility that mass-market chocolate could in any way be as harmful for us as cigarettes. However, for you to truly break free you must at least be open to the possibility that conditioning has played a massive part in your apparent decision to buy chocolate. After all, you don’t see the average badger yelping for a Yorkie, no matter what time of the month it is, nor what mood it’s in!

There is, of course, more to it than just mental conditioning, and one thing I cannot argue with is that like most people reading this book you will firmly believe that you love the taste of the stuff and that life without feeling a cold piece of chocolate melting on your tongue simply would ‘not be worth living’. However, please expand your mind as we well and truly strip away this layer by …

4 Licking The Taste! (#ulink_eec311e2-e265-5f7e-925b-13661d41a863)

I mentioned at the start that in order to break free from chocolate you will need an extremely open mind. Well, if you can I need you to open your mind even wider for this next revelation – CHOCOLATE TASTES DISGUSTING! Now hang on, before you throw the book in the bin, thinking I’m a few Cadbury’s Buttons short of a full jacket, please hear me out. I’m not saying for one second that you don’t like the taste of your favourite brand of chocolate, because clearly you do, but what I am saying is that chocolate, in its unsweetened state is about as appealing on the taste front as a clip around the ear with a wet kipper. Actually, it’s much worse than that. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the misfortune to taste unsweetened cocoa, but trust me it’s just not worth it! While researching for this book I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake of getting Cadbury to send me some unsweetened cocoa beans. I decided to conduct my own taste survey amongst my friends – well, when I say friends, after my little experiment they may be ex-friends! I managed to convince 20 people, many of whom describe themselves as ‘chocolate lovers’, to try these not-so-tasty treats. The results were pretty conclusive – 95% of the people surveyed spat out the bean and were nearly physically sick. There was only one person who managed to eat and swallow it, but even then she thought it tasted like crap.

If you’re in any doubt at all and think I may be exaggerating for effect, please pop along to Cadbury World and ask them if you can taste one of their ‘unsweetened’ cocoa beans (oh, and don’t forget your bucket!). Or if you can’t make it there, go on the hunt for some high percentage cocoa chocolate. Now when I say high percentage, I’m not talking 70% dark chocolate bars – these have still been heavily sweetened with sugar – no, I’m talking 95–99% chocolate solids (once again make sure there’s a toilet near by). This is because, as I will continue to say, chocolate in its unsweetened state is revolting. Actually, revolting is being rather nice! As I write this chapter I’ve just had another unsweetened cocoa bean to fully associate with what I’m trying to get across – and what I have just tasted is almost indescribable and in my mind I’ve only ever tasted one other thing which is worse. Have you ever woken up from a party and felt so thirsty that you reached for the nearest can of whatever to quench your thirst, only to discover (too late) it contained cigarette ash? Well, that’s what we’re talking about here!

The main ingredient which causes the foul taste is a naturally occurring powerful heart stimulant called theobromine. Theobromine is incredibly bitter and the darker the chocolate, the more ‘real chocolate’ it contains and the worse it tastes. Our taste buds are designed to warn us of poisons – if something tastes bitter it usually means that nature never intended us to eat it. Chocolate has always tasted as bitter as a winter’s night in Scotland and has always been sweetened to make it palatable. When the Aztec civilizations of Central America first started using chocolate a couple of thousand years ago (depending on what you read!) it was nothing like the chocolate we get today. Firstly, they only drank it, the chocolate ‘bar’ only came in around 1847 when Joseph Fry (as in Fry’s Chocolate) discovered that by adding chocolate liquor and sugar to cocoa butter he could produce a solid chocolate. And the drinking chocolate they had then was certainly a few chemicals and spoonfuls of sugar short of the hot cocoa your parents used to tuck you up in bed with, that’s for sure. Back then the drink was extremely bitter and spicy, thickened with maize and flavoured with vanilla, ginger and even chilli and turmeric (yum, yum!). But the Aztecs didn’t go to all this trouble because they thought drinking it helped with the stresses and strains of life or because they thought it was something they could ‘have in-between meals without ruining their appetite’ or because they thought it tasted good! No, they only started drinking it because they thought they were honouring their principle God, Quetzalcoatl-Tlahuizcalpanticutli (the God of light), in much the same way some Christians take bread and wine at communion, the Aztecs honestly thought the pods were gifts from God, hence their naming the cocoa the food of the Gods’. The name of the tree from which the beans come from is Theobroma cacao, which literally translates as ‘god food’.

MONEY TO BURN

This belief led to the beans being held in very high esteem, so much so that in the land of the Aztecs, the beans were more precious than gold. Cocoa beans were literally their currency and were exchanged for many goods and services. But because the beans were not only as good as money, but in those days were money, only the very wealthiest of people could roast and drink them. In fact, it was only those who literally had ‘money to burn’ who ever got to taste drinking chocolate (and that’s where the saying comes from!).

For the Aztecs, drinking chocolate was never about ‘Having A Break’ and it certainly wasn’t about the taste – it was about honouring their God, ceremonial occasions, religious beliefs and showing great wealth. It seems funny that in those days they made the ‘sacrifice’ of drinking this muck in order to honour their God and show off – now we have a nation that feels that they would be making a sacrifice by not having it. That’s because what we have today and what they had then are not remotely the same thing. But if you still feel that back then it could have been all about the taste, then this should seal it. In Aztecs times, priests would mix cocoa with the blood of human sacrifices and force their victims to drink it. Even now there are Italian villagers who make a concoction called ‘sanguinaccio’ which is a wonderful dish of stewed pig’s blood, numerous other ingredients and, of course, some grated black chocolate (‘see the face you love, and throw up’ springs to mind).

While we are talking about the taste of chocolate, it’s worth knowing that the Aztecs ‘special drink’ was called ‘chocolatl’ – literally meaning ‘bitter water’. Just to make this point crystal clear, the only reason they drank this incredibly bitter concoction was because they strongly believed it brought universal wisdom and knowledge which continued into the afterlife. It certainly wasn’t because of the taste! (Glad that’s now clear.) But even when the chocolate ‘bar’ was eventually born, and the vast majority of people had stopped mixing blood with their cocoa (good move!), it still needed heavily sweetening to gain universal appeal.

MANIPULATING YOUR TASTE BUDS

There are some people who love the taste of very dark chocolate and there are a few weird people who even like the unsweetened cocoa bean. But then let’s not forget, there are some people who say they like the taste of cigarettes and yet they never eat them and there is even a group of people in the world who drink their own urine. However, just because this floats the boat for a few people, I don’t believe this shows that it is a genuinely lovely taste and something we should all be doing!

Our taste buds, just like our minds, can easily be moulded and conditioned. As part of our natural survival mechanism, our taste buds are designed to adapt to any foods we are presented with on a regular basis. This is why, just like our minds, they can easily be fooled. For example, when you had your first alcoholic drink, did you jump for joy exclaiming, ‘Where have you been all my life?’ I don’t think so! The vast majority of children/teenagers simply think, ‘What the hell is this rubbish, give me an orange juice.’ Yet, as we persevered with the taste of a particular brand we gradually acquired a liking for it. But even then, we’re not actually enjoying the taste of the alcohol itself. Neat alcohol not only feels like you’ve just set fire to your mouth, but it can kill you instantly! What you enjoy is a mixture of added flavours and chemicals which are there to try and mask the taste of alcohol. Now don’t panic, this book isn’t about getting rid of alcohol (phew!), I just wanted to point out that cocoa is similar in terms of taste. In its neat form its taste is awful so it needs to be covered up, otherwise there would be no GODS and no ‘love’ of chocolate. In the case of alcohol we have products such as alcopops. One of the reasons for their success is because they don’t taste of alcohol at all; instead they have been designed to taste like orange, lemon, blackberry, etc, so slowly but surely manipulating the taste buds.

The difference with alcohol and chocolate is that you don’t have your first shot of alcohol when you are still in a buggy! This is why the alcohol companies have to work harder initially to manipulate our minds, and then do the same with our taste buds as most have been developed by the time we have our first hit. But with chocolate it’s a whole different kettle of creme eggs. It seems perfectly normal and natural to mix in some chocolate powder with a baby’s milk before they’ve even learnt to pronounce ‘Ovaltine’, let alone make a conscious decision to make some for themselves. If you were fed ‘neat’ cocoa as a child you would spit it out since your body’s natural defence mechanism would kick in and scream, ‘This is a type of poison – stop doing it’. If you’re in any doubt, give your dog high percentage cocoa-rich chocolates, second thoughts don’t as you would run a considerable risk of killing them – yes, killing them! The high concentrations of theobromine found in dark chocolate can easily send the heart of your dog racing so fast that it has an attack. Humans are more robust when it comes to this heart stimulant, but the natural tendency to spit out neat cocoa should still tell us that it is not good for us. However, if all you were presented with on a regular basis was neat cocoa powder, your body would eventually adapt and you would end up acquiring a taste for the ‘hard stuff of the chocolate world. This is why people can end up believing they like the taste of cigarettes – proof in itself that our amazing survival mechanisms and taste buds can adjust to just about anything (except Brussels sprouts – I don’t think they fall into this category!)

So considering that the chocolate we were presented with as kids had already been ‘alcopop-ed’ as it were, with sugar, chemicals and artificial flavourings, and since we were given these bars/boxs/slabs by way of a ‘reward’ at times when we were feeling good anyway, is it any wonder that the vast majority of people acquire a relationship and taste for the stuff?

Because our taste buds are conditioned to what we are presented with over and over and over again, the relationship built up with chocolate will depend on the culture in which you are brought up. The British tend to like the caramelized flavour of Cadbury’s, the Swiss prefer milkier chocolate such as Lindt and Toblerone, the Italians prefer the darker bitter creamier chocolate such as Baci and the US like Hershey chocolate – a brand that just doesn’t cut the nougat overseas with a taste that’s been described as ‘burned leaves and toasted rubber’. In fact, to the pretentious chocolate connoisseurs, Hershey chocolate is considered ‘offensive’ if not completely ‘inedible’. Hans Schu, a Swiss national, goes one further by saying, ‘Milton Hershey completely ruined the American palate with his sour, gritty chocolate … he had no idea what he was doing. Who in their right mind would set out to produce such a sour chocolate?’ A friend of mine who travels to the States on a regular basis said that ‘Hershey chocolate tastes like sick.’ However, to the chocolate-loving people in the US, Hershey chocolate tastes blooming lovely, thank you very much. It’s only the European chocolate ‘connoisseurs’ who profess that it doesn’t taste as chocolate should – but how should chocolate taste? Well, in reality no one knows.

Unlike other ‘foods’, chocolate doesn’t have an official ‘chocolate taste’. Strawberry is strawberry, orange is orange, and lemon is lemon no matter where you go in the world, but chocolate is always a little different. This is because each variety of cocoa bean produces its own unique perfume and each results in a different chocolate taste. Also, each different method, different milk and different chemical used in the making of chocolate produces different flavours. So, it is not the taste of ‘chocolate’ you love, as all chocolate tastes different, it is the taste of the variety you are used to, the variety that was fed to you before your taste buds had a personality of their own. And the chances are, unless you are one of the rare few who like only 99% cocoa solid chocolate (which I doubt, as you wouldn’t be ‘hooked’ so you wouldn’t even be reading this book), then you don’t actually like the taste of chocolate at all. What you have been conditioned to like is some bitter tasting powder that’s been covered and processed with all kinds of addictive rubbish to make it taste sweet and creamy.

‘BUT JASON – EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S BETTER THAN SEX’

Even though the mass-market sweetened, chemically-driven chocolates, taste much, much better than high percentage cocoa solids, I would still argue that the whole ‘delicious … unique … orgasmic’ taste thing is one massive exaggerated story. Think about it – we all have stories where we have exaggerated them slightly to give it a little more spark. Now sometimes we say the same story so often that in the end even we end up believing it. Is it possible that exactly the same thing could have happened with the ‘taste’ and ‘feelings’ of chocolate? Is it possible that all this ‘Oh, the way it melts in your mouth’ or ‘It’s simply orgasmic, better than sex’ is in reality a load of old tosh?

Like so many things in life, the idea of having it is much better than the reality and what we must realize is that the idea of the fabulous taste of chocolate is constantly being perpetuated by the media, advertising, the GODS and, funny enough, by ourselves! Haven’t you been out for meal and tried to sell the idea of a chocolate dessert to others so you were not alone in your drug-food moment. And didn’t you exaggerate it, oh so slightly? You know, ‘Go on, how about some delicious, ice-cool chocolate ice-cream?’ or ‘They do a devilishly gorgeous full chocolate gateau – go on, you only live once.’ In truth, once the GODS have got us, they might as well save their money on advertising – we end up doing it for them for free! But why? What is sooooooo special about the taste? Show me one person who actually puts a piece of chocolate into their mouth slowly, lets it melt slowly, and slowly savours the flavours, and I’ll drink some of that sanguinaccio! The truth is we’re on to the next chocolate or bite of bar before the first has had a chance to hit the sides. All this stuff we expound – ’It’s simply heaven’, ‘It’s better than sex’ – in truth (excuse my French), it’s all bollocks, isn’t it? It’s stuff we’ve said and heard said over the years and it’s a neat way, if we’re honest (?), of helping to justify our intake.

Let’s look at the Flake ad again. There she is, a beautiful, slim woman, not a care in the world, in a bathroom that’s bigger than my flat. She is orally, seductively having a Flake in the bath.

Impression – it’s better than sex! Have you ever actually tried eating a Flake in the bath? You get bits stuck on the roof of your mouth, bits in the bath and you never really know what to do with those bits left in the wrapper. You make a sort of funnel with the wrapper, place one end in your mouth and turn yourself into a human chute, praying you don’t get it everywhere. You then say, ‘Oh, I wish I hadn’t had that’ – funny how you don’t see this on the Flake ad, isn’t it? Britney Spears was once quoted as saying, ‘Chocolate for me is just like an orgasm’ (she needs to get out more!). Having a bar of chocolate is not better than sex, no matter how often people say it. However, if you actually do believe that, then instead of eating more, trying to attain that pleasure, may I make a suggestion – CHANGE YOUR PARTNER! (or buy some chocolate love toys.)

DAYLIGHT SNOBBERY

The taste thing has, like with wine, got completely out of hand. Now there are even professional chocolate tasters and official chocolate connoisseurs – once again the word ‘bollocks’ springs to mind. At Mars’ chocolate-making plant in the US, a panel of professional chocolate tasters meet every day to taste the goods. You may think that this sounds like the best job in the world, but like wine tasters, they’re not allowed to swallow, and the chocolate they taste hasn’t even been sweetened. So if you think about the roasted cocoa beans from Cadbury and my friends wanting to be sick, all of a sudden the job doesn’t sound so dreamy.

But it is the pretentious so-called connoisseurs of chocolate who really expose this taste sensation nonsense for what it is. Just like their ‘look at me, I’ve got an education’ wine tasting cousins, these choco-connoisseurs come out with the biggest load of bullshit in order to make themselves sound important. If you think wine tasters sound pathetic as they drink some gone-off fruit and fermented vegetation while proclaiming to the world that it has a good nose, full body and is ‘somewhat mysterious’ before spitting it into a bucket, that is nothing compared to the chocolate gang. There they are at the annual chocolate tasting convention (yes, there is such a thing) putting pieces of chocolate on their tongues, letting it melt slightly, then spitting it out – while proclaiming, no doubt, that it has a ‘distinctive West African gusto’, a ‘1945 Swiss feel about it’ and, once again, it probably is ‘somewhat mysterious’. The mystery is how these people get the vote! Do you think they’ve been saying this sort of stuff for so long that they now believe what they’re saying?

CHOCOLATE THERAPY

If you think that’s barking, then what do you think of this next chap? His name is Murray Langham, author of the book ChocolateTherapy: Unwrap the Secrets of Your Inner Self. I was once on a radio programme with this guy when he was launching his book in the UK – he was on the phone from the States and I was in a BBC studio here in England. I don’t want to mock but ‘HELLO, IS THERE ANYBODY HOME?’ He claims that depending on the taste and shape of the chocolate you like, it not only determines part of your future but also tells you the kind of person you are. For example, if you like the taste of chocolate, ‘you are part of the advancement of the human race, looking to the future. You’re a pro-active person who respects other people’s points of view …’ and so it goes on. He then says that if you don’t like chocolate then ‘… perhaps you need to see a chocolate therapist.’ Now I realize that most people haven’t advanced to this level of far-out theory to sell the idea of chocolate to themselves and others, but you may not be lagging that far behind!

CONFECTIONERY

The fact is, you are not addicted because of the taste. You have certainly acquired a taste for it, there’s no question of that, and, yes, possibly you do now love the flavour of your favourite ‘brand’ of chocolate. But what must be clear is that is not why you find it hard to stop eating it. I love freshly picked strawberries. I love the texture, the look, the taste, the way a cool strawberry on a hot summer’s day feels in the mouth. I love the way that once in the mouth it begins to soften and melt, the flavours slowly trickling down my throat. I love all of that, but after I’ve had one I don’t have to ‘hammer the rest home’ until I feel sick; I don’t have to try and sell them to myself with provocative words or get people to ‘join me’ without feeling guilty. And if they were making me fat, ill, miserable and spotty I certainly wouldn’t have to buy a book on how to stop eating them! I don’t mean to shout but this point must be clear before we move on:

YOU ARE NOT ADDICTED BECAUSE OF THE TASTE!

You need to understand the reason for the ‘hook’ isn’t simply down to a very clever manipulating and manufactured taste, but the whole brainwashing package. And it’s the brainwashing package that needs looking at most of all. Taste clearly does come into it, I’m not saying for one second it doesn’t, and like I say you have indeed acquired more than a simple taste that you possibly now like very much, but you need to realize even the taste is a con. Not only are there professionals who are paid massive amounts of money to trick your taste buds and who can literally make anything taste of anything. Taste technology is now so advanced that they can make an artificial taste of vanilla if they so wish. Every aspect of the ‘taste sensation’ has been cleverly designed to trick you and, more importantly, to make sure that you come back for more. You need to realize that the chemicals and other apparent ‘foods’ they use to cover up the foul taste of cocoa also create part of the mental hook. The reason? Some are highly addictive!

We have seen already that there are many layers to this chocolate wolf – advertising, conditioning, brainwashing and taste. But each segment has its own layer and each one needs stripping fully before you can even begin to make the mental shift to freedom. Remember, I don’t expect you to get rid of chocolate yet, please tuck in if you want to throughout your reading of this book. We need to remove every layer and then give you the mental guidance before you can make the jump (glad that’s clear!).

On the taste front, we now know that neat cocoa tastes awful. In order to make it taste good the GODS have had to apply several different layers in order to make it edible and appealing for the mass market. The taste of cocoa is bitter, so therefore easily resistible. To help make it apparently ‘irresistible’, combinations of different confectioneries are made. It’s worth knowing that the word ‘confection’ originally referred to a ‘medicine’ made palatable with the addition of spices and sugar, hence, in my book – confection. Yes, even back in the 18th century, long before the chocolate bar was upon us and long before the GODS were doing the manipulating, doctors, along with priests, were preaching the ‘benefits’ of the bitter chocolate brew and were calling it a medicine. And how do we get the medicine to go down? A spoonful of sugar, of course! Now call me Mr Cynical, but it comes as no great surprise to me that doctors and priests were celebrating the virtues of this confection. Yep, you guessed it: the main manufacturers of chocolate brew were … priests and doctors! The GODS, of course, have gone a lot further than this with the addition of chemicals and all kinds of other ‘goodies’. However, there is one thing which hasn’t changed since the birth of the chocolate bar. There are a few substances in mass-market chocolate which hold your taste buds hostage, but make no mistake, none have the same power as this next layer. Yes, willpower doesn’t stand a chance, as your taste buds cry …

5 Sweet, Sweet Surrender (#ulink_40251cd0-a75d-5a6a-9e93-75b374c9c183)

It has been described as, ‘Pure, White and Deadly’, ‘The Cocaine of the Food World’ and is known to be responsible for more cases of obesity and diabetes than any other single ‘food’ product on the planet – yes, we’re talking sugar. Not just any old sugar you understand, we’re talking pure white refined sugar. Make no mistake, without the addition of this empty drug food the chances are you wouldn’t even be reading this book. This is the stuff which covers the bitter taste of cocoa and at the same time turns an otherwise fairly innocent bean into a very, very addictive substance.

SIMPLE UNNATURAL GLUCOSE, ADDICTIVE AND REFINED

William Duffy was one of the first to warn of the dangers and addictive nature of this substance in his excellent book SugarBlues. Since then there have been many more books warning of the dangers of this apparent ‘sweet and innocent’ food, and if there’s one ingredient in chocolate which I feel more passionate about than any other it is white refined sugar. If you get nothing else from this book, I truly hope that you leave it understanding the full implications of putting white refined sugar into your bloodstream on a regular basis.

The chocolate industry is fully aware of the horrific consequences which can easily come about as a direct result of refined sugar consumption/addiction – consequences which go way, way beyond losing the odd tooth or twenty. Yet despite knowing this, it doesn’t stop them lacing their ‘aimed-at-children’ products with tonnes of the white stuff. As a group, chocolate companies are one of the largest buyers of sugar in the world and they are more than aware of its addictive nature. According to the official BBC website,

‘All modern commercial chocolate products contain substantial amounts of sugar, a fact which may partly explain chocolate’s supposed addictive properties.’

The BBC have it right on the Cadbury button. Cadbury alone get through a massive 150 tonnes of sugar EVERY DAY! That’s a whopping 540,000 tonnes of white refined sugar entering just the Cadbury UK chocolate chain every year. With Cadbury chocolate plants in much of the Commonwealth, the collective Cadbury sugar consumption must easily reach millions of tonnes every year. But this enormous figure no doubt pales into insignificance compared to what the Mars boys and girls must get through. I say ‘no doubt’ because trying to get any information from Mars (or Master Foods, as they’re known) is harder then getting close to an elephant’s scrotum. One thing is sure, though: with an average mass-market chocolate bar containing a massive 40% sugar, you can be George Bernard Shaw that the annual amount if piled high would probably reach the planet Mars itself. And it is not just Master Foods – the entire chocolate industry plays down the amount of sugar in their products and they have every reason to. They will also use any other word they possibly can on their labels instead of actually saying ‘sugar’. Here’s what the label says on a Mars Bar wrapper in 2003: