Secrets and Dreams

“Have you both had time to think?” said Mum.

“I didn’t have to think,” boasted Nat. “I already knew!”

“What about Zoe?”

I said, “Yes, I’ve decided.”

“Well, that was quick,” said Mum. “OK, if you’re sure, let’s get started. Your dad first!”

I know Dad was every bit as excited as the rest of us. He is just not the sort of person to show his emotions. But even he couldn’t stop a big grin engulfing his face. He told us that he had already handed his notice in.

“Couldn’t do it fast enough!”

Dad had never really cared for his job. He was always telling me and Nat how important it was, if you possibly could, to find work that gives you satisfaction.

“But he’s not going to be a gentleman of leisure,” said Mum. “Are you?”

She looked across at Dad like she was really proud of him. Dad, suddenly going all bashful and un-Dad-like, agreed that he wasn’t.

“Wouldn’t suit me, sitting around doing nothing.” He said he was going to carry on working, but not for the council. “For myself!”

“He’s going to start up his own business,” said Mum. “Mr Bird, the Handyman.”

“What do you reckon?” said Dad. “Catchy?”

“Brilliant,” I said.

“We’ll get a nice new van,” said Mum, “have it all painted up.”

“And a car,” said Dad. “About time we had a proper car.”

“Now that we’re rich,” said Nat.

Mum frowned.

I said, “That is so not cool!”

“Well, but we are,” said Nat. “We are,” she insisted, “aren’t we?”

“I prefer to think of it as no longer being chronically hard up,” said Mum.

Dad chuckled. “Tell them what you’ve decided on!”

Mum said that what she wanted was to move to a house – “Somewhere nice” – with lots of rooms and a large garden. No surprise there!

“Now ask me,” said Nat. “Ask me what I want!”

“We know what you want,” I said.

“No, you don’t! I want a dog—”

“You already told us that.”

“And a pony!”

She announced it with a triumphant flourish. Dad blinked, but even the pony wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Two summers ago we’d gone on a camping holiday to Devon and Nat had done some riding at a local stable. We both had, but Nat had become, like, obsessed for a while. I thought she’d forgotten it. Obviously not!

Mum said that if Nat really and truly wanted her own pony then she supposed she could have one.

“So long as you’d be prepared to look after it properly. Not just leave it to other people.”

Nat said, “Mum, of course I’d look after it!”

Nat is always saying of course she will do things and then never doing them, but I think in this case we all believed her. She is really into animals.

“Right,” said Mum. “So what about Zoe? What has she decided?”

I took a breath. A really deep one. Right down to the bottom of my lungs.

“Well?” said Dad.

“I’d like to go to boarding school!”

The words came spurting out of me. It was the only way I could do it. All in a rush, before I got cold feet.

There was this long, shocked pause while they all gaped at me; then Dad said, “Boarding school?”

I appealed to Mum. “You know I always wanted to!”

“Well – yes,” agreed Mum, sounding rather shaken. “I suppose you did.”

“I did! I always did!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Dad. “She can’t go to boarding school!”

“She’s mad,” said Nat.

“You do realise,” warned Mum, “that it wouldn’t be like it is in Gran’s books?”

“I know that,” I said. I wasn’t stupid! I could tell the difference between stories and real life. “Mum, I really do want to go!”

“But what about all your friends?” spluttered Dad.

“I’ll just make more,” I said.

I don’t have any problems making friends; I’m what Mum calls “an easy mixer.” I hadn’t exactly been moping around since Sophie left. But there wasn’t anyone special. No one that could replace Sophie. I was looking forward to meeting new people.

Dad was frowning at me like I was being really disloyal, but I think Mum understood how I felt. She knew how close me and Soph had been.