Penguin Pandemonium - The Wild Beast

“Yes, there is,” insisted Ursie, “it’s pointing at the penguins instead of the bears. We’re far more entertaining – we sing, we dance, we tinkle on the ivories.”

Rory’s beak fell open.

“You tinkle on the what? Can’t you go behind a bush like everyone else?”

The bears looked at him blankly, then, realising he’d misunderstood the phrase, they slapped their furry thighs and guffawed.

“Oooh… I’m laughing so hard, I’ve tinkled on my ivories!” snorted Ursie, stuffing his paws between his legs.

“Me too!” said Orson. “Just goes to show how little penguins know about entertainment. Fancy not knowing that tinkling the ivories is showbiz for playing the piano.”

The bears could be very irritating and Rory was beginning to lose his temper.

“You haven’t got a piano!” he yelled.

“No, but if we did, it would be a good way to lure the visitors back,” said Orson, pretending to play a few imaginary chords. “No one’s coming to see us either. Do you know why?”

Rory scratched his head. “Maybe it’s the weather.”

“I bet Rory’s right,” said Blue. “Maybe people can’t get to the zoo because of the snow.”

Orson shook his head.

“Wrong! There are more visitors than ever, aren’t there, Ursie?”

“Record numbers,” agreed Ursie, “but they’re not coming to see you or us because of You Know Who.”

“What’s You Know Who, Rory?” whispered Blue.

“You know,” he said casually. He had no idea who Ursie was talking about either, but he wasn’t going to admit that to the bears – he was hoping that one of them might let it out of the bag without him having to ask. By now, both bears had climbed up their tree to get a better look.

“You should see the queue for the new enclosure below yours,” said Orson. “It’s enormous!”

“Rory, Orson said it was enormous,” hissed Blue. “Maybe it’s a new kind of elephant.”

Rory shrugged. “I thought he was talking about the queue. Or the enclosure.”

Blue spoke to him behind her flipper so the bears couldn’t hear. “If it’s an enormous enclosure, whatever is in there must be huge, mustn’t it, Rory.”

Before he could answer, Muriel waddled over with her girly gang of fairy penguins and demanded to know what was going on.

“I hope you’re not talking about me behind my back, Bloop,” she said. “It’s very rude to whisper.”

She prodded the smaller of her two friends in the tummy. “Brenda, isn’t it rude to whisper?”

“Y…es?” whispered Brenda.

Muriel was very bossy and Brenda found it much easier to agree with everything she said, even if she didn’t.

“Actually, Muriel, we’ve got better things to talk about than you,” said Blue.

Muriel preened herself and did a little shimmy.

“Really? I don’t think so. What could possibly be better than me?”

Blue pointed down below. “There’s a new animal in there. We’re not sure what it is, but we think it’s very large.”

Muriel put both flippers round the tubbier member of her gang and measured her chubby waistline. “What? Larger than Hatty?”

“I’m big-boned,” wailed Hatty.

“Much larger than Hatty,” said Blue. “And let’s hope it’s not as mean as you are.”

Muriel twisted her beak into a sneer and was trying to think of a witty reply when Orson and Ursie burst into song.

“What is the terrible beast in the zoo?

Nobody knows and we haven’t a clue.

A hippophant, maybe? A rhinoceroo?

What is it? Why is it? How is it? Who?

Maybe it’s an Elephong covered in hairs,

A great woolly mammoth – like anyone cares.

Whatever it is that lives under the stairs,

It can’t be as fabulous as the brown bears!”

Whatever it was, the crowd below had grown bigger. Even the singing bears couldn’t draw their attention away from the mysterious new exhibit. Muriel went over to the viewing grille in the wall of the penguin enclosure, poked her beak through and looked down on to the rows of heads below.

“What’s the big attraction?” she screeched. “What are you looking at? You should be looking at me!”

Not one person turned round and if there was one thing Muriel hated, it was being ignored.

“I’m not standing for this, are we, Hatty and Brenda!” she raged, grabbing them both by the flippers. “Come along, we’re going to teach those visitors to look up to the penguins.”

“How?” said Hatty. “Are we going to sing a song?”

“Are we going to do a cute group hug in front of them?” wondered Brenda.

Muriel put her flipper down her throat and gagged.

“No, I’m sick of cute, they’re sick of cute. We’re going to have to play dirty… Poop, poop!”

She marched them over to the viewing grille, sat down and pushed her tail through the hole above the crowd.