Penguin Pandemonium

They were sprat eyes. Big Paulie, who was the best-groomed penguin in the zoo, had spilled fish down himself. It seemed he hadn’t bothered to preen before hitting the nest and had fallen asleep in his day feathers. His eyes were bright red and though that was the natural colour for a rockhopper, emperor penguins had brown eyes. Maybe Paulie had been peeling onions – but where would he get them from? Whatever the cause, he wasn’t himself at all.

“Tell Paulie the bad news, Rory,” prompted Muriel.

Rory took a deep breath and was about to speak when Paulie held up a flipper for silence.

“I don’t wanna know. I’m up to here with bad news.”

He waved them away irritably and turned to go inside.

“Say something, Rory,” urged Blue.

Rory plucked up all his courage.

“Paulie? This is serious. The zoo is going to close!”

One toe at a time, as if in great pain, Big Paulie shuffled round to face him again. Rory was expecting to be shouted at but Paulie just gazed at him glumly.

“So? Whadda you gonna do?”

“Me?” said Rory. “But you’re the boss, Paulie. I… or rather, we… thought you might do something…”

Paulie stared into the distance as if he had nothing more to say, so Rory tried again.

“If they close this zoo, you might end up in a tiny tank in Sea World. Wouldn’t that make you mad, Paulie?”

The boss made circles with his head as if he was trying to get rid of a wasp.

“Rory, Rory, whaddo I care? I’m mad with grief already. Yesterday, a migrating seagull told me that my best friend, Chubby O’Neil, was eaten by a leopard seal in the Arctic Ocean. That penguin was like a brother to me. The zoo shuts, whaddo I care? It won’t bring Chubby back, may he rest in pieces.”

He put his head under his wing. Rory gulped and cleared his throat.

“Paulie, you have to help us! Penguins who have been friends for life will be separated forever, cast out into the wilderness to be eaten by fierce koalas…”

Paulie whipped his head out from under his wing.

“You dare to guilt-trip me about being separated from friends when my best friend Chubby is lost at sea for all eternity?”

“How could you, Rory,” interrupted Muriel. “You are so insensitive.”

But Paulie hadn’t finished.

“You dare to lecture me about the dangers of the wild when Chubby just became a seal snack? I couldn’t save him, I can’t save you.”

“C— could you at least try?” stammered Rory. “For… Chubby’s sake?”

The mere mention of Chubby’s name made Paulie wince and clutch at his heart.

“Cheap shot, Rory. Life ain’t a bucket of caviar. Deal with it.”

He kicked the door shut and the penguins scattered, apart from Muriel, who felt it was her moral duty to make Rory look like a loser in front of Blue.

“Well, you stuffed that up like a kipper,” she smirked. “I can’t wait to hear your ‘amazing’ plan to save the zoo – what was it again?”

“Just you wait and see!” said Rory with great bravado.

But he was bluffing. He still didn’t have a plan, let alone an amazing one, and deep-down he was afraid that Muriel would have to wait rather a long time.

id I handle Paulie that badly?” sighed Rory as they waddled slowly back to the penguin pool. Blue shook her head.

“Take no notice of Muriel, she’s all beak. You were brave and brilliant.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” he grinned, then he threw his flippers up in frustration. “But I still can’t think of a way to save the zoo. Maybe it’s because I’ve got a bird brain. I wish I was a great ape, they’re almost as intelligent as humans.”

“I heard more so,” said Blue. “But it’s not the size of your brain that counts, Rory. Little heads can have big thoughts. Let’s go swimming. Maybe something will come to you in the deep end.”

“Oh what, like a leopard seal?” said Rory sarcastically.

“I was only trying to help, squid breath!” said Blue. “Got a better idea?”

“Yes, we could go to the gift shop and buy mints,” huffed Rory. “You’re squiddy too, you know.”

As they arrived at the pool, their argument was suddenly cut short. There was a strange metal object on a pole in the penguin enclosure and it was pointing straight at them.

“Duck!” hissed Rory.

“Chicken!” pouted Blue.

“No… duck! Keep your head down,” whispered Rory, pulling her behind the nearest rock.

“It’s a gun! They aren’t going to release us into the wild, they’re going to shoot us!”

For some while, the two of them huddled together quivering, waiting for the bullets to start. They might have stayed there all day if Muriel hadn’t wandered over with Hatty and Brenda and got the wrong idea.

“Ooh, look girls!” she sang. “Ro-ry and Bloopy sitting in a tree, K. I. S. S. I. N. G.! It’s not even breeding season.”

“We are not sitting in a tree!” insisted Rory. “Get down before they blow your heads off.”

Muriel preened herself and didn’t move.

“Oh my cod, he’s been drinking seawater,” she sneered. “He’s gone crazy.”

She looked down her beak at Rory.

“Bloop, why are you even hanging out with a boy?”

“I’m not ‘hanging out’,” said Blue. “I just don’t want to be shot by that gun.”

Muriel, Hatty and Brenda threw up their flippers and cackled.