The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too

We tend to take the fact that we have skin as it's, well, just always been there. If you take a minute to look at your skin in a slightly different light you will realize what an important part it can play when it comes to both solo and partnered sex.

Exercise:

In blind people, the brain's visual cortex is rewired to respond to stimuli received via touch and hearing. This allows the blind person to actually ‘see’ the world through touch and sound. If you don't believe me, try this simple experiment and 'see' the world and your skin in a different light.

Begin by either turning the lights off or simply placing a blindfold over your eyes, making sure you really can't peek out. Now take some time exploring your own skin. Notice the touches you make. What do you see? By applying more or less pressure you can experiment with the results of one study that revealed that the Meissner corpuscles – touch receptors that are concentrated in the fingertips and palms, lips and tongue, nipples, penis and clitoris – respond to a pressure of just 20 milligrams, or the weight of a fly. Science is amazing, isn't it?

Hair

As silly as it might sound, your hair is an important part of your identity and though we rarely think of it as being sexy, nothing could be further from the truth. We tend to think of hair and sex in terms of partnered sex, but it doesn't have to be that way. Try this simple exercise to see what I mean:

Experiment:

Take a small clump of hair and run your fingers through it, over it, and even give it a gentle tug. Now do this with your eyes closed and see if the feelings it produces change. I'm willing to bet that it will. The chances are it became much more sexual when you closed your eyes than when they were open.

Ears

We rarely think of our ears in terms of sexuality, but the truth is your ears can be a huge part of your solo sex repertoire if only you would let them. Some women can get turned on simply by touching their own ears, but this is not true in all cases. However, it's worth trying, as they say – nothing ventured nothing gained – and the outcome might surprise you. Of course, the thing we generally use our ears for is to hear what is around us. The things that surround us can often be surprisingly sexual, if only we listen to them.

Exercise:

If you watch porn, start by finding your favorite scene. Now watch it without the sound. Now watch it again with the sound on and your eyes closed. Notice the differences between the experiences. You could also try investing in an audio erotic book and listen to it with your eyes shut (unless, of course, you happen to be driving at the time of listening.)

Lips

Our lips are packed with nerve ending that send many signals to our brains – some sexual and others not. It's not easy to kiss yourself, but it's not impossible, if you think about it. You can kiss your own hand – you can even kiss your own breasts if the mood so takes you. After all, it's your body and you are free to explore it any way you like.

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Try simply running your tongue over your lips: slowly, now very slowly. Notice the way your body reacts as you do this. Does it turn you on or have no effect? Everyone has different reactions to everything and especially to the way you touch it.

Tongue

We are what we eat, as they say, and eating something can be a very sexy experience. Our tongues are packed with taste buds that allow us to feel and interrupt the sensations caused by sweetness, bitterness, saltiness, sourness, and umami. Different tastes can, in fact, cause our bodies to react in sexual ways. I'm sure you are familiar with the saying ‘sex is better than chocolate’, but are all too aware that there are times when the opposite is true. By discovering which tastes you enjoy when you are solo it is possible to turn what you eat into a sexual experience.

Exercise:

Try eating some ice cream. Pick a flavor that you know you enjoy, or if you are feeling a little more adventurous, pick one that you have never tried. Now settle down and use a spoon – feed yourself that ice cream, slowly…very slowly. Concentrate on the sensations that the taste produces within you. You are likely to react to the coolness of the ice cream at first, but now try licking the ice cream from the back of the spoon. Again, move slowly and deliberately. It may help if you close your eyes as you concentrate solely on the sensations. I've had some great solo ice-cream escapades over the years. It's all about changing your perception of what you are doing. You're not just eating, you're tasting, enjoying, and – most of all – feeling.

Neck

There are times when I swear my neck is in some way directly connected to my vulva and clitoris. Whether I'm simply touching it gently with my hand or my partner is with their lips or hand, I can't help but get a little moister between my thighs and my thoughts turn to sex. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this connection, and you can find out whether your neck reacts the same way as mine does by trying this simple but effective exercise.

Exercise:

Try running your fingertips across the nape of your neck. Vary the pressure you use as you explore this often-neglected part of your body. You can try experimenting by using various objects such as silk scarves, feathers, and anything else you have at hand – to see the effects the sensations have on you. They might just surprise you!

Shoulders and Arms

Both of these items are rarely thought of as sexy, but they should never be discounted as such when it comes to solo sex.

Exercise:

Try touching your shoulder and arms with either your opposite hand or a variety of objects. These objects can run the gamut from silk scarves to pieces of wood. Try varying the force or pressure that you apply to these areas and spend some time noticing how your body reacts to them.

Hands

If there is one area of your body that you might want to start thinking of in terms of a sexual tool,it would likely be your hands. Yes, you read that right! Take a second to think this through if this fact is throwing you off. Your hands touch, your hands feel, your hands are amazing. Even if you choose to use a sexual toy or tool, you will likely have to hold it with, well, your hand – or hands. Hopefully you are starting to see what I mean, here. The great thing about your hands is that they cost nothing, are always – ermmm – handy, and have the ability to bring you lots of sexual pleasure, if you would only let them.

Exercise:

We tend to think of sexual touch in terms of fingertips, when we can, and probably should, be using the entire surface of our hands. You can apply this logic to any of the exercises and techniques that are included in this book. If a technique calls for you to use your fingertips, there are no rules to say you can't try the same thing with the palm of your hands, be it a movement or applying pressure.

Breasts

For most women, and, let’s face it, men, breasts are something that hold a special place in their hearts when it comes to sex. Breasts are made up of mostly fatty and connective tissue. Just like most other body parts, breasts come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors. They can be the same size and shape, but oftentimes one breast may look a little different than the other. The breasts and nipples may enlarge in the days prior to a woman’s period and may grow extra sensitive during this time – as well as during (and after) pregnancy.

In other words, breasts are somewhat complicated and then you can add in the fact that according to one study around 50 per cent of women enjoy breast stimulation, whilst the others simply tolerate it to please a partner. The good news here is we are talking about solo sex and there is no one else to please but you! According to studies conducted by Masters and Johnson and the Kinsey Institute, a small percentage of women can actually have an orgasm from breast stimulation alone. Interestingly enough, in a Kinsey Institute experiment on 8,000 women, only 11 per cent said they stimulated their own breasts during masturbation. I say that it's time we changed that percentage and I wish more women would explore their breasts as well as the rest of their bodies during a masturbation session.

Exercise:

Start out by touching your breasts using long, circular strokes, starting at the bottom of your breasts. Slowly graze your skin with your fingers as you circle the outer perimeter of your breasts. With each revolution of your breast, move just a little closer to the center of your breast, spiraling inward ever so slightly. For every two movements closer to your breasts, take one small movement outward. Continue with slow, spiraling strokes toward your nipples. As you near the nipple with one hand, stop and begin the same process with your other one. Take your time touching your breasts – make this whole process take at least 10 to15 minutes. When you do finally get to your nipple, you may well find yourself in ecstasy.

Nipples

Did you know that it's possible for a woman to achieve orgasm solely through nipple play? It's true! This doesn't happen for every woman, but certain women can have genital orgasms that are caused by intense nipple stimulation. About one in 18 people are born with a third nipple and during the Middle Ages if you did have a third nipple you would have been branded a witch, which would likely have meant you would have been burned at the stake. Fortunately we live in the 21

century and those days are done. That said, many people still have many misconceptions about their nipples, so let's try to put them to rest, shall we?

In case you aren't aware, the circular pigmented area around your nipple is called the ‘aureola’. They range in color from pale yellow to almost black, and are always darker than the skin that makes up the breast. This is so it's easier for a baby to locate them. Generally the older you are the bigger your aureolas will be. Hairs do not grow on your actual nipple, preferring to grow on your aureola, and are not bad. Whilst an erect nipple can be a sign that you are feeling sexually aroused there are other reasons they may become erect, including the fact that it's darn cold.

Exercise:

Lube the tips of the thumb and index finger of your dominant hand. If you don't have any lube handy, you can simply lick your fingers to moisten them before beginning. Now place your fingers directly across from each other on opposite ends of the outer aureola. Start at the outer part of the aureola and move your finger and thumb toward each other. As they reach the nipple, roll the nipple in a twirling motion between your fingertip and the tip of your thumb. Now, repeat the technique, starting at a different spot on the outside of the aureola. This will tease the nipple by creating anticipation and desire. Where you take things from here is, well, in your own hands.

Stomach or Belly

In men, this area is often referred to as the ‘treasure trail’, and this is the way I like to think of it when it comes to solo sex. Some women will find that when they are sexually aroused their stomach, or belly, area becomes too sensitive to touch, whilst others enjoy exploring this area and view it as foreplay before they reach the promised land of their mons, or the top of their vulva.

Exercise:

Spend some time playing with your belly once you are sexually aroused. Does it feel good as you allow your hand to travel downward toward your mons or does it have the opposite effect? Try varying the pressure, direction, and width of your touch and see if that makes a difference.

The Mons Veneris

Your Mons Veneris is located below your abdomen or belly, but above your vulva. It's the area of fatty tissue that covers your pubic bone and is designed to cushion/protect your pubic bone from the impact of intercourse. You might find it to be very sensitive when you are aroused, but this is not always the case. In its natural state it is covered by pubic hair, which is believed to trap the natural aroma of your vagina. Of course, if you've shaved it, this area will be clear of pubic hair.

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