The Accidental Life Swap

*

‘Have you tried the pub?’

‘The pub?’ I sit down on the bottom step of the grand staircase and try to stop my teeth from chattering. It really is bloody freezing in this house.

‘Maybe they’ve gone for a skive since they’re unsupervised?’ Emma gives a throaty laugh down the phoneline. ‘I know I’d slope off for a gin if I could get away with it. Instead, I’m stuck at this reception desk as usual. I almost wish I could swap places with you.’

I’ve been in Little Heaton for over an hour and apart from the vans still parked in the driveway and a small digital radio perched on the cistern in the main bathroom on the first floor, there hasn’t been the tiniest hint of the builders.

‘Believe me, you don’t want to trade places with me.’ I rub at my nose. It’s so cold, it’s hurting. ‘It took forever to get here. I’m definitely staying here for the duration.’ If I can stand the cold, that is. Vanessa mentioned a guesthouse; I hope it has some sort of heating system installed. ‘Anyway, I’d better go and find the pub and see if they’re in there. We passed a couple on the way, so hopefully your hunch is right.’ And if not, I can at least warm up for a bit.

Pushing the phone into my pocket, I make my way out of the house, locking up even though there’s only a paint-splattered radio to nick. It actually feels a little bit warmer outside with the sunshine and the brisk walk to the nearest pub. I manage to find the Farmer’s Arms quite easily by retracing my steps over the footbridge. Being the middle of the afternoon, I expect the pub to be quiet, empty even, but I’m blasted by noise as soon as I push the door open. The jukebox is playing a George Ezra track, interrupted by the clunk of pool balls colliding, and there’s the general murmur of conversation. Emma was right. The builders are here, enjoying a day off by the looks of it as they sip pints around the pool table. There are three of them; one older, maybe mid-forties, one who must be early thirties, and a baby-faced kid who has to be late teens at the most. I obviously don’t know for sure that these are Vanessa’s builders – or builders at all – but with their heavy-duty boots and plaster-ingrained jeans, I highly suspect they are. Emma is a genius who is wasted behind that reception desk. She definitely deserves that gin.

‘Everything okay over there, duck?’

I’m still hovering by the door, but I make my way over to the barmaid, whose face breaks out into a friendly smile as I clamber onto one of the high stools at the bar.

‘What can I get you?’ The barmaid places her hands on the bar, displaying a rainbow of fingernails as each one is painted a different colour. I’m tempted to order something large and lethal, but I still have a job to do.

‘Just a diet coke please.’ I sneak a look at the builders as I reach into my bag for my purse. They’re still playing pool, ribbing each other as tricky shots are missed, completely unaware that I’m here. I should probably march up to them and demand they get back to work (after ascertaining that they are, in fact, Vanessa’s builders) but I find myself furtively observing them as I sip at my drink. The older one claps the youngest on the back before he ambles towards the bar, his hand fumbling in his pocket for change. He orders a round of pints before counting out the pound coins in his fist.

‘Won the jackpot earlier.’ He nods towards the fruit machine and my cheeks burst into flames. I hadn’t realised I’d been staring.

‘Well done.’ I offer a tiny congratulatory smile before I turn away completely, concentrating on my drink and willing my face to cool down. Just minutes ago I’d been about to succumb to frostbite and now I may as well be sunning myself on a Mexican beach in the midst of a heatwave. I should introduce myself, let him know the impromptu day off has come to an abrupt end. But I don’t. I sit and stare at my diet coke.

‘You’re new around here.’ The barmaid gives a statement rather than poses a question as she sets the first pint down. ‘Sorry.’ She gives a one-shouldered shrug and grabs another glass. ‘It’s a small place.’

‘It’s okay. I’ve only just got here.’ I sneak a look at the builder as I continue. ‘I’m here to take over as project manager for the refurbishment on Arthur’s Pass.’

If I had any doubts that these guys were my team of builders, they disappear as the eyes before me widen to unnatural proportions.

‘You’re taking over? What happened to Nic?’ He shoots a look over his shoulder, where the others are still playing pool. The younger one is swaggering towards the table, slowly chalking the end of his cue, while the other is shaking his head and telling him he doesn’t stand a chance, but in much more colourful language.

‘There was an accident.’ I hold up a hand as his eyes widen again. ‘Nicole’s okay. Hurt, but she’ll recover.’ I slide off the stool and hold out a hand. ‘I’m Vanessa Whitely’s PA.’ There’s a roar from the pool table as the never-gonna-happen shot does indeed happen. The young lad is jumping around giving a victorious cry, while the older one, still shaking his head, flails his arms around as he tries to convince his pal that it was a complete fluke (again, with more colourful language).

‘You’re Vanessa?’ The builder’s eyes are like saucers as he turns back to me after the interruption. ‘It’s so good to finally meet you after all those emails early on.’ He takes my hand and pumps it up and down, his eyes still very much rabbits-in-headlights wide. ‘You’re probably wondering what we’re doing here, right?’ He gives a chuckle while I simply frown back at him. He thinks I’m Vanessa? The bellowing from his team obviously cut off the end of my introduction, so I’ve been inadvertently upgraded from PA to the boss herself. I’m jolted by the realisation that I was supposed to get in touch with this guy to explain about the Nicole situation and how I – Rebecca – would be replacing her for the last few weeks of the project. Bugger. I never forget to carry out tasks set by Vanessa – I’d be a pretty poor PA if I did – but I did forget to do this during the panic and disorder of the morning. I need to rectify this, and fast.

The laughter dies as the builder lets go of my hand. ‘We’re not slacking off or anything. We went to the house. Waited ages. Even phoned Nic, but there was no answer. So we came here to wait for her. No key, you see. There isn’t much we can do without access.’ He chuckles again, but it’s much weaker this time and he turns towards the pool table. ‘Hey, guys. Get over here.’

‘Run out of cash already?’ The older of the two stops his tirade so he can turn to his boss with a smirk. ‘I’m skint, pal. You don’t pay me enough.’

‘Did you see that shot?’ The other builder grins, his whole face lighting up and somehow making him look even younger.

‘That was nothing.’ The smirk falls from the older builder’s face as he leans over the table with his cue. ‘Check this out.’

I reach out to touch the head builder’s arm lightly, the frown still furrowing my brow. ‘Excuse me, but there’s been some sort of misunderstanding. I’m not …’ My words are swallowed as another roar goes up from the pool table, but instead of victorious, this roar is of the mocking variety. The older builder is elbowed playfully in the ribs as his mate falls about laughing at his terrible shot.

‘Guys! Seriously, get over here.’ The head builder flashes me an apologetic smile. I open my mouth to try to explain who I am – or rather who I’m not – but he’s already turned back to the lads. ‘Come and meet Vanessa Whitely.’ I see his eyes bulge as he attempts to convey the importance of his words. It works like magic. The lads stop mucking about, their faces turning to stone as they stand upright and rush towards the bar, each thrusting their hand at me to shake in turn.

‘Hi Vanessa. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Harvey.’ The older of the two pool-playing builders is acting as spokesman as he points out his workmate. ‘And this is Todd.’

‘And I’m Vincent Mancini, obviously.’ The boss shakes my hand again and I see his forehead is starting to shine with sweat. ‘I should have said that earlier. Sorry. You can call me Vince. If you want to, that is.’ He chuckles, though the sound is strained rather than joyful. ‘I’ll answer to anything, really.’

I’m astonished by the reaction my mere presence has caused. Or rather, the reaction Vanessa’s presence has caused. I should clarify who I am, but I’m rather enjoying the power Vanessa clearly holds, so I keep it zipped. I’ll tell them later, obviously, but not until I’ve chivvied them along and got them back to work.

‘Shall we get going then?’ I tap my watch in a way I’ve witnessed Vanessa do many times. ‘We’ve lost half the day already.’

‘But my pint …’ Todd, the youngest builder, looks longingly at the bar. I could relent, let them finish their drinks, but I feel a surge of authority shoot through me, straightening my spine and raising my chin.

‘You can have a pint on your own time, not mine.’

I have no idea where those words came from, but I quite like the firm, assertive tone they’re accompanied by, and I get a real kick when the builders march out of the pub instead of snubbing my request. Being Vanessa is strangely satisfying.

Chapter 7 (#ulink_9831824d-8619-567b-bd9d-87cb7a3c668a)

‘I’m afraid I don’t have any of Nicole’s paperwork yet and she’s too poorly for a catch up, so if you could give me a brief rundown of where we’re up to with the project?’

We’re trooping through the village, Vincent and I walking side-by-side while Harvey and Todd are just ahead, having some sort of friendly disagreement that involves a lot of nudging and an attempted wedgie. I’ve explained about Nicole’s condition as best as I can, but now we must get down to business. My career depends on keeping this project on track.

‘Once the plastering’s finished, we’re going to crack on with the fixed flooring. There’s only the hallway, kitchen and the family bathroom on the first floor to do, and we would have made a start already, but like I said, with no access …’ Vincent scratches the back of his neck as we reach the footbridge across the canal.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Having worked with Vanessa for three years, I know she wouldn’t have appreciated the lack of work, no matter the circumstances, but I really don’t see what he could have done, other than break into the property. ‘We’ve still got a few hours left of the day, so I’m sure you and the lads will do your best to catch up.’

‘Oh, yes. Absolutely.’ Vincent bobs his head up and down rigorously and I realise my words came out with a vaguely threatening tone rather than the placatory one I’d been aiming for. Perhaps being Vanessa has gone to my head a bit. ‘And we’ll put in a few more hours to make up for it.’

‘There’s really no need for that,’ I say, but my words are swallowed by the griping up ahead as both Todd and Harvey put their cases across as to why that won’t be possible. Harvey, it seems, has football training (he plays five-a-side at the park at weekends if I fancy being his cheerleader – short skirt and pom-poms most definitely required) while Todd needs to take his gran to bingo.

Harvey snorts. ‘It’s the other way around, more like.’ He hooks an arm around Todd’s neck and pulls him close before running his knuckles over his scalp. ‘Didn’t your mum get you a personalised bingo dabber for your birthday?’

‘Gerroff.’ Todd wrestles himself free and tries to smooth down his ruffed-up hair. ‘And no, she didn’t. It was from my gran. She’s got one herself.’

Shaking his head, Harvey gives Todd a gentle shove. ‘You’re such a loser.’

I think it’s quite sweet, but I don’t voice my opinion as matching bingo dabbers definitely isn’t something Vanessa would appreciate.

‘You can both stay behind.’ With his shoulders thrown back, Vincent starts to stride ahead across the bridge. ‘Oliver too.’

‘Who’s Oliver?’ I quicken my step, scuttling after Vincent over the wooden boards as he overtakes Harvey and Todd. Vanessa would never scuttle after anybody but I don’t want to lag behind.

‘He’s the other builder.’ Todd waves a hand in the general direction of the house. ‘But he’s fixing his sister’s fence. Ow!’ He rubs his arm, where Harvey has just thumped him.

Vincent holds up a hand, silencing his teammates as they start to squabble. ‘He hasn’t got time to be messing around with Stacey’s fence. We need to get on with the plastering.’ He sneaks a glance at me and lifts his chin. ‘Get on the phone to him and tell him to get his butt back to the house, pronto.’

Todd is still rubbing his arm as Harvey makes the phone call, singing the nursey rhyme about a man with a dog named Bingo as he waits for the other builder to answer. They’re acting as I assume brothers would growing up. Not that I’d know. I only have one sibling, an older sister, and we were never close growing up. Kate and I barely speak even now we’re adults, and we meet up even less. Being a doctor, she has a busy life that I just can’t seem to fit into. Besides, we have nothing in common other than shared parentage.

‘Did you have a look at the house earlier?’ Vincent asks as we make our way along Arthur’s Pass. ‘I know it probably doesn’t look like much has happened since you were last here, but we’ve had to gut the place and start again.’ He’s scratching his neck again and I want to pull at his arm to stop him.

‘It looks great, honestly, and I’m sure it’ll start to look more homely soon.’