Odd Laws

‘One for the road’ always seemed to be such a friendly farewell, at least before the drink driving laws were enforced. In fact, the phrase has a much more sinister meaning, originating from the days of public hangings. When a condemned prisoner left Newgate Prison on his way to the gibbet, he would be put on a cart which would stop at every pub along the route. Each publican would give the prisoner a free drink – One for the Road. Usually by the time the gibbet and the hangman came into view, the condemned man was far too drunk to care about his fate.

Love-struck drivers beware: the lawmakers have considered you when devising codes for the roads. Drivers in Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, for example, are prohibited from kissing a companion while driving on winding roads – obviously you’re safe to snog as long as the road ahead is straight! In Detroit, Michigan, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on the couple’s own property, while taxi drivers who have sex in the front seat of their vehicles during their working shifts are breaking the law in Springfield, Massachusetts.

In Bologna, Italy, a special law applies to prostitutes who drive. It states that a prostitute can, ‘drive a car carefully and at the same time lead a scandalous life’.

Bologna isn’t the only city to concern itself with the decency of its drivers. In Athens it is illegal to operate a motor vehicle on public roads if you are ‘poorly dressed’ or ‘un-bathed’. The lawmakers of Pocatello, Idaho, have taken things one step further, issuing a law that reads: ‘It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavourably upon the city’s reputation.’

In Springfield, Ohio, it is unlawful to clean and dust the interior of a car while it is being driven down a city street.

You can always trust an Irishman to come up with a good excuse. One gentleman from Galway failed to show up in court after being caught travelling at seventy-seven m.p.h. down a quiet country road. When tracked down, he claimed that the summons got lost in the wash. While the judge sympathetically agreed that it could happen to anyone, it didn’t stop her finding him guilty.

Englishman Barry Saville went one better when he was taken to court for driving over the limit. He claimed it was the paraffin he used in his stage act as a fire-eater that caused the positive reaction in the breathalyser, not alcohol at all. Magistrates adjourned the case to allow him to recreate his act at a London Hospital and prove his innocence.

Double parking in Minneapolis, Minnesota, could be just the ticket if you are trying to lose weight. The legal punishment is time on a chain gang, being fed only bread and water. Or you could take a walk across the street in Swat, in the Himalayas, where jaywalkers are forced to run along the road until they fall over from exhaustion. But if you’re really desperate, try visiting Hammond, Indiana, where the automatic penalty for littering the street is one good dose of castor oil to be administered by the police department. A punishment sure to get criminals on the run!

Most countries take driving while drunk seriously, but the punishments can vary enormously. In Turkey, a drunk driver can be driven twenty miles outside the town, then forced to walk back to town under the supervision of police officers.

In Switzerland, if you wear glasses, it is mandatory to keep an extra pair in the car at all times. If, however, they are reading glasses, they will be useless in Norman, Oklahoma, where it is illegal to read a comic while driving a car.

When Patricia Wakelin advertised her Ford Fiesta for sale, she ended up with more than she bargained for. A man arrived to see the car, apologising for bringing his grandmother with him. He took the car for a test drive, leaving his Skoda and his granny behind as collateral – and never came back. When the police investigated, they found that the Skoda was stolen, and the lady was from a nearby old people’s home. She thought she was being taken out for a drive by a friendly young gentleman called Dave whom she had never seen before.

Drivers in Pennsylvania had better be well equipped. The law states: ‘Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait ten minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and then continue … Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming towards him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.’

If you’re driving through Pleasantville, Iowa, at night, be sure your car is preceded by a man carrying a red lantern or you will be breaking the law.

A New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law makes the following bewildering pronouncement: ‘Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite directions shall have the right of way.’

An Oklahoma law reads: ‘The driver of any vehicle involved in an accident resulting in death shall immediately stop and give his name and address to the person struck.’

‘Whoever operates an automobile or motorcycle on any public way – laid out under authority of law recklessly or while under the influence of liquor shall be punished,’ states a law in Massachusetts, thereby imposing upon the poor motorist the duty of finding out whether the workers who built the road he intends to use were drunk or careless.

Perhaps the American lawmakers should take a leaf out of the book of the Lebanese and make their road laws a bit more reader-friendly … No harsh words of warning there, the road signs are wonderfully polite. Take this speed restriction, for example: ‘Proceed Most Awfully Slowly – Fifteen Miles to the Hour’. In Tokyo they even provide a translation of the rules of the road for English-speaking drivers. ‘When a passenger of the foot moves into sight,’ states one such translation, ‘tootie the horn trumpet. If he still obstacles your passage, tootie him with vigour and express by word of mouth warning, “Hi!”.’

When a lorry overturned in Hampshire, the local police found a novel way of cooling the heated tempers of the drivers stuck in the ensuing traffic jam. They handed out tubs of ice cream – the overturned lorry was carrying seven tons of the stuff.

Taxi drivers may think they are above the law but they had better not keep their passengers above them in Youngstown, Ohio, where it is illegal for a taxi to carry passengers on the roof.

A taxi driver in Prague who turns the meter rate to level three (three times faster than the legal rate of one) is breaking the law UNLESS the ride is taking place following a nuclear explosion. Then the sazba, or rate, of three is officially sanctioned by the Government.

Road hogs aren’t the only animals to avoid on the highway. In Utah, a local edict allows birds the right of way on all streets. Dogs cannot ride in ambulances in Westport, Massachusetts, however, while in Missouri it is illegal for uncaged bears to ride in a car or be carried in the boot.

‘It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town,’ cautions an ordinance in Tacoma, Washington.

A traffic warden in Southsea, Hampshire, has been awarded a police commendation certificate, normally reserved for officers who have performed acts of bravery. So what did Angela Hallam do to deserve such an award? Had she tackled armed robbers, or saved the life of a drowning man? No, nothing so mundane. She was honoured for issuing 4,071 fixed penalty fines in one year. Local drivers celebrated by parking on yellow lines while the wonder warden was attending the presentation ceremony.

Perhaps they should send her on a long vacation. How about Milwaukee, where a car parked for more than two hours must be securely tied to a horse?

Elephants tied to parking meters in Orlando, Florida, must feed the meter the same parking fee as that required for an automobile. Mrs Silvia Matos could have bought several elephants with the amount of parking meter fines she paid in New York City. Between 1985 and 1988 she received 2,800 parking tickets, resulting in penalties totalling $150,000.

Here’s a statistic for British women drivers to memorise: ninety-two per cent of drivers driving recklessly, causing death or bodily harm, driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, breaking speed limits, causing accidents, neglecting signs, directions or pedestrian rights, or driving carelessly, are … male.

Everybody hates a back-seat driver, but in London they can actually be prosecuted, since there is a law stating that drivers must be sitting in the front seat whilst driving.

Adam Greenwood of Burnley, Lancashire, went on a night’s drinking binge and stole a twenty-five-tonne mechanical excavator because he missed the last bus home. Unable to drive the huge vehicle with any semblance of control, he caused over £50,000 worth of damage, destroying a twenty-tonne weigh-bridge, two offices and several trees.

No clever cycling stunts in Denver, Colorado, please! It is illegal to lift your feet higher than the front of the bicycle when riding down this city’s streets.

The first ever speed traps were set up in England in 1902. Police would hide behind hedges with a bicycle and stopwatch, ready to jump out and pursue errant drivers. One of the earliest offenders was Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, who was caught going more than twelve m.p.h.

California’s El Dorado County had a rather peculiar attitude towards speeding. Legislation written in 1907 stated: ‘Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a drink in thirty days, then the driver will be permitted to make what he can.’

Diving and/or fishing from a motor-boat while driving down a city street is illegal in Brewton, Alabama.

A hearse driver was arrested for speeding and dangerous driving in Foligno, Italy. The funeral procession was forced to follow as he sped to the church with the coffin bouncing up and down behind. The undertaker said he wanted to unload the body and get to a football match.

In Memphis, Tennessee, it is forbidden to drive a car while the driver is asleep, while in South Dakota and Oklahoma it illegal to sleep in the middle of the road.

Firemen going to or from a fire on a bicycle in Hiawatha, Kansas, have right of way on the pavement.

Perhaps the most sensible driving ordinance is that enforced in Birmingham, Alabama, where it is illegal to drive a car while blindfolded.

The Malaysians obviously believe that women drive their men to drink, since the innocent wife of a drunk driver faces a jail sentence there.

Suspicious police in Jackson, Mississippi, stopped a car that was being driven erratically and discovered the driver was blind. There was, however, a simple explanation – he was being directed by his friend sitting in the passenger seat who admitted he was too drunk to drive himself.

CHAPTER 2 (#ulink_96c783da-8839-52a7-8a80-f2c691e9355b)

The Eye Of The Beholder (#ulink_96c783da-8839-52a7-8a80-f2c691e9355b)

In some places, just being overweight or ugly is likely to cause a brush with the law. In Tropea, Italy, for instance, women are not allowed to appear nude on a beach if they are ‘fat, ugly, or generally unattractive’. The law specifies that nude sunbathing is permitted only by ‘young women capable of exalting the beauty of the female body’.

The lawmakers of Kentucky have decreed that: ‘No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within the Commonwealth of Kentucky unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.’ A subsequent amendment states: ‘… the provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than ninety pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds nor shall it apply to female horses.’

Richard Plant, twenty-nine, was charged with indecency by police in Johannesburg. He was arrested by traffic police who found him undressed from the waist down, but he was acquitted after he explained that his girlfriend was sitting on his lap at the time, and was therefore hiding his nudity.

Women in Gurnee, Illinois weighing fourteen stone or more cannot wear shorts when riding a horse.

In Palermo, Italy, it is the men who have to be careful – women can sunbathe nude in public whenever they want, but men are subject to a fine. The law states: ‘The male anatomical conformation can become obscene, even unconsciously.’

Until 1936 it was illegal for men to wear topless bathing suits in New York. In 1934, eight men were fined $1 each for topless bathing at Coney Island! In 1935 there was a mass arrest of forty-two topless male bathers in Atlantic City.

CHAPTER 3 (#ulink_a12206d9-6fbb-5bd9-a52d-2f9e376e94b8)

Love And Marriage … (#ulink_a12206d9-6fbb-5bd9-a52d-2f9e376e94b8)

A Greek man cannot promise to marry a girl in order to seduce her. If this happens, the man must compensate the girl for the loss of her virginity.

The well-dressed Roman bride would not want to be seen with anything on her head – except cake! The custom of breaking the wedding cake over the bride’s head was an essential part of the ceremony as, by law, only children born of a bride who took part in this would be eligible in later life to assume high office.