The Return of Mrs Jones

There was so much she had expunged from her life. Colour, impulsiveness, walking along a beach at dusk with the wind blowing salt-tinged tendrils of hair into her face. Enjoying the here and now.

She might have chosen a controlled, sleek, beige, stone and black existence. It didn’t mean that she hadn’t occasionally hungered after something a little more vibrant. But vibrancy had a price she hadn’t been prepared to pay.

In the end control was worth it. It allowed you to plan, to achieve.

But, damn, the music had felt good. The right here, right now felt good. Even those ridiculously bright cocktails had been—well, not good, exactly but surprisingly palatable. Maybe coming back wasn’t such a terrible thing after all.

‘How are you getting back?’

Lawrie jumped, every sense suddenly on high alert. She didn’t want to look Jonas in the eyes in case he read the conflicting emotions there. There had been a time when he’d been able to read her all too easily.

‘I was planning to walk,’ she said.

‘Alone?’

‘Unless there are suddenly bloodthirsty smugglers patrolling the dark streets of Trengarth I think I’ll manage the mile home okay.’

‘There’s no lighting on your gran’s road. I’d better walk you back.’

Lawrie opened her mouth to refuse—then shut it again, unsure what to say. Whether to make a joke out of it, point out that after negotiating London streets for the past few years she thought she could manage a few twisty Cornish lanes. Whether to just say thank you.

Jonas took her silence for acquiescence and strode off towards the door. Lawrie stood indecisively, torn between a childish need to stand her ground, insist she was fine, and a sudden hankering for company—any company—on the walk back up the steep hill.

She had been all too alone these last weeks.

Without thought, almost impulsively, she followed him.

The night was warm, despite the breeze that blew in from the sea and the lack of cloud, and lit up by stars shining so brightly Lawrie could only stand and stare, her neck tilted back almost to the point of pain as she tried to take in the vast expanse of constellation-strewn night sky.

‘Have you discovered a new planet?’

Lawrie ignored the sarcastic tone. ‘I’m not sure I’d realise if I had,’ she said. ‘It’s just you never see the sky like this in London. I had almost forgotten what it was like.’

Another reclaimed memory to add to the list. Just how much had she shut out over the last nine years?

And how much could she bear to remember? To feel?

The shocking ache of memory—the whispers of ‘what might have been’. If she hadn’t walked in on Hugo she would still be in London, with Trengarth a million miles away from her thoughts, her ambitions, her dreams.

It was all so familiar. The dimly lit windy street, the harbour wall on one side and the shops on the other—a trendy mixture of surf-hire, arty boutiques and posh grub for the upmarket tourists who sailed or stayed in the village throughout the summer.

As they turned up the steep, hilly road that led to Lawrie’s gran’s house the shops became more prosaic: post office, grocer’s, buckets and spades and souvenirs.

She stole a glance at the man strolling along by her side, walking up the hill with ease. He too was still the same in so many ways, and yet there was something harder, edgier. His very silence was spiky, and she had an urge to break it. To soften the mood.

‘So...’ Was that her voice? So tentative? She coughed nervously and tried again—this time loud, abrasive. More suited to a confrontation than casual conversation. ‘Are you married? Any children?’

He didn’t break stride or look at her. Just gave a quick shake of the head. ‘Nope.’

‘Anyone special?’

‘Not at the moment.’

So there had been. What did you expect? she asked herself fiercely. That he’s been living like a monk for the last nine years? Would you even want that?

She wasn’t entirely sure of her answer.

‘A couple of times I thought maybe that there was potential. But it was never quite enough. I’m an old-fashioned guy.’ He slanted a glance at her, cold, unreadable. ‘Marriage should be for ever. Failing once was bad enough...’

‘We didn’t fail.’ But her words had no conviction. Lawrie tried again. ‘We just wanted different things.’

‘If that’s the way you want to remember it.’

Now this was familiar. The flush of anger, the ache of frustration as they stood on either side of a very deep chasm. No, Lawrie told herself. Don’t say anything. What was the point in dredging up old arguments, conflict that should be dead and buried?

Only she had never been able to resist the opportunity to fight her corner.

‘It’s the way it was.’ Cool, calm. As if it didn’t matter. And of course it didn’t. It was history.

Only it was her history. Theirs.

It was her job, knowing when to argue a point, knowing when to let it lie. There was nothing to gain from rehashing the same old themes and yet she felt compelled to go on.

‘There’s no shame in admitting something isn’t working, in moving on,’ she persisted as they reached the top of the hill and turned down the hedge-lined lane that led to the cottage. The bumpy road ahead was hard to make out, lit just by the brilliant stars and the occasional light marking out driveways and gates. ‘I couldn’t stay here, you wouldn’t move—what else could we do? It all seems to have worked out for you, though. You seem to have done well for yourself.’

‘Surprised?’ The mocking tone was back. ‘You always did underestimate me, Lawrie.’

‘I didn’t! I never underestimated you!’ Her whole body flushed, first with embarrassment, then with indignation. ‘We grew apart, that’s all. I didn’t think...’

‘Didn’t think what?’

How could those smooth, cream-rich tones turn so icy?

‘That I was too naïve, too small-town for your new Oxbridge friends?’

‘Wow—way to rewrite history! You hated Oxford, hated London, disliked my friends, and refused to even consider moving away from Cornwall. It wasn’t all me, Jonas. You wouldn’t compromise on anything.’

He laughed softly. ‘Compromise suggests some kind of give and take, Lawrie. Remind me again what you were willing to give up for me?’

‘That’s unfair.’ She felt tired, defeated. She had just presided over the death of one relationship—did she really have to do the post mortem on this one too?

‘Is it?’

The worst part was how uninterested he sounded. As if they were talking about complete strangers and not their hopeful younger selves.

‘Actually, I should thank you.’

She peered at him through the star-lit darkness. ‘Thank me?’