Fiance Wanted Fast!

‘Apparently I am completely unable to “commit” or to “relate”.’ Gib hooked his fingers in the air to add sarcastic emphasis to the inverted commas. ‘According to Mallory, I just thought of her as part of some kind of smorgasbord of women!’

Josh looked blank. ‘A smorgasbord?’

‘You know, one of those buffet affairs where all the dishes are set out along a big table and you go round to help yourself to whatever you fancy.’

‘Right,’ said Josh, none the wiser.

‘Mallory’s theory is that I treat women like so many different dishes, so that even if I find one I really like, I won’t be content to stick with one because I’ll always be wondering if there might not be one I might like even better further along the table.’ Gib gave an exclamation of disgust. ‘Don’t you hate it when women analyse you?’

Josh didn’t answer directly. Behind the dark glasses that protected his eyes from the glare, his expression was unreadable as he studied the view and considered Mallory’s theory.

‘She’s right, though, isn’t she?’ he said at last.

‘Listen, whose side are you on?’ demanded Gib.

‘You’re the one who said that she’s a smart lady.’

‘I just happen to like women,’ said Gib defensively. ‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Nothing.’

‘And women like me.’ He scowled. ‘I love women! It’s ridiculous to say that I can’t relate to them properly!’

‘Is that what Mallory says?’

‘She says I’ve got no idea how to be friends with a woman.’ Gib sounded outraged. ‘Can you believe that?’

‘Yes.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, taken aback by the typically quiet, uncompromising reply. Josh was so…so…so British…sometimes!

Josh was checking the ropes. ‘Have you ever had a platonic relationship with a woman? A good one?’

‘Sure.’

‘When?’

‘When? Well, let’s see…when…when…’ Gib searched his mind frantically. ‘OK, I can’t think of anyone right this moment,’ he was forced to acknowledge, ‘but I’m sure there must have been someone. I bet you can’t think of anyone either,’ he added, going on the offensive.

It didn’t faze Josh. ‘Yes I can,’ he said calmly. ‘Bella is one of my best friends, probably the best friend I’ve got, in fact. We were students together, and we’ve been close ever since.’

‘And you’ve never slept with her?’

‘No.’

‘I bet you wanted to!’

Josh shook his head. ‘No, that would spoil our friendship. Bella’s always got some man in tow, and I have girlfriends, but it’s different with her. I prefer what we’ve got. I can talk to Bella in a way I can’t talk to anyone else. We understand each other.

‘It’s nothing to do with sex,’ he went on. ‘You could never be friends with a woman in the same way.’

‘Want a bet?’ said Gib, ruffled.

‘OK.’

‘OK?’

Josh tied off the end of the rope and sat back against the rock. ‘I’ll bet you…let’s say ten thousand dollars?…to the charity of your choice that you can’t be friends with a woman.’

Gib laughed. ‘Ten thousand dollars? You’re kidding, right?’

‘You can afford it.’

‘Yeah, but can you?’

‘I don’t think I will have to,’ said Josh with annoying calm.

Well, Gib wasn’t a man who could turn down a challenge like that! His eyes narrowed.

‘Being friends is a bit subjective, isn’t it? How would we decide if I’d succeeded or not?’

Josh unwrapped an energy bar and chewed meditatively for a while. ‘How would you feel about spending a few weeks in London?’ he asked at last.

‘It wouldn’t be a problem, I guess,’ said Gib, a bit thrown by the apparent non sequitur. ‘It’s easy enough to keep in touch with what’s happening here wherever I am.’

Absently he took the bar Josh handed him out of his rucksack. ‘As a matter of fact,’ he went on slowly, ‘it might suit me quite well. I’ve been thinking about developing more European connections and with this whole Mallory thing, I wouldn’t mind leaving the country for a while. I could do without all those scenes about who takes what!’

‘OK.’ Josh nodded briskly. ‘Here’s the deal. Bella shares a house in south London with three other girls, but one of them is getting married soon, so they’re going to have a spare room. I reckon I could arrange it for you to live with them for a while.’ He grinned. ‘I think it would be a real test for you! If at the end of six weeks Bella and Kate and Phoebe all describe you to me as a real friend, you name the charity and I’ll send the cheque!’

‘Hhmmnn.’ Gib looked a bit dubious. ‘What are these girls like?’

‘They’re just three very nice, very ordinary English girls.’

‘And that’s it? I just live with them for six weeks and be their friend?’

‘There’s one more condition,’ said Josh. ‘You have to go incognito. You’ve had too many attractive, successful women falling over themselves for you here. Mallory’s a psychologist and before that there was the TV presenter and that model…what was her name? The one with the legs up to her armpits?’

‘Verona?’

‘That’s the one.’ Josh allowed himself to remember her legs for a moment. They really had been spectacular.

‘Anyway, the point is, you’re spoilt!’ he went on. ‘It’ll be different in London. The girls won’t know anything about you, so you won’t be able to buy their affection or impress them the way you do here. You’ll just have to be yourself and if you can’t be friends with them under those circumstances then you’ll just have to accept that Mallory is right!’

Gib’s face was inscrutable behind the dark glasses that cut out the mountain glare as he studied the horizon.

He was thinking about his father, who was now on his fourth wife. Gib got on with his father fine, but he didn’t want to be like him. He had seen too many women in tears because his father’s idea of commitment turned out to be very different from theirs.

Gib, on the other hand, prided himself on never making promises he couldn’t fulfil. He always made it clear to girlfriends that he wasn’t offering happy ever after, and frankly couldn’t see what was so wrong with being honest about wanting to live in the present without tying yourself to a future you weren’t ready for.