The Soldier's Holiday Vow

“You have family coming for you?” The sunlight from the window spilled over him, gilding him. With his muscled frame straight and strong, he resembled the noble warrior he was.

And exactly why was she noticing that? She had no interest in love anymore. She would never fall for another soldier. It was that simple. She stared hard at a fraying thread in the hem of the blanket covering her instead of meeting his gaze. “My sister is running late. She’s taking me home.”

“You still have an apartment near the post?”

“No.” She was surprised he had remembered her little one-bedroom place in a pretty gray building along a greenbelt. He’d attended Tim’s birthday party, the only one Tim had been home for through their entire relationship. “I’ve got a town house now, not far from where I work.”

He didn’t say the obvious, that both she and Tim had been saving up to buy a house after they were married. She had invested her savings in a place of her own instead.

“Look, September. I never thought we’d meet again.” He squared those impressive shoulders of his. “I thought about looking you up and seeing how you were. But I was afraid it would be too painful for you. I can see it is.”

“It’s okay.” She wasn’t the only one hurting. She might not have known him well—he’d been one of Tim’s best friends, not hers—but she could see he had walked a hard road, too. “I’ve thought about finding you or Tim’s brother, on and off. I wanted to, but I could never make myself do it.”

“You wanted to see me?”

She nodded. He and Tim had been together at those last moments. Hawk held the answers to the questions that had kept her wondering. But would asking them bring up as much sadness for him as it did for her? “You missed his funeral.”

“Not my idea, but I made it for the wake. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.” His brows knit together and he leaned back against the wall, pensive and dark. “You could have asked me then, but you refused to speak to me.”

“I was hurting too much. I wasn’t ready to hear about what happened over there. I had lost my one true love. I was torn apart. I couldn’t stand to know the details.”

“Don’t blame you there.”

“But I had questions later. After the first shock of loss faded, I thought of all the things I should have asked, things that I needed to know. And you were far away and unreachable.”

“I’m sorry about that.” He felt helpless. He should have looked her up. He should have made sure she was all right.

“There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to know the answers.” Her confession came as softly as a hymn, resonating deep within him.

Ranger School had taught him how to lead, how to fight and how to accomplish his goal the right way, no excuses allowed. He might have led missions in the most dangerous places in the world, but facing the pretty brunette in front of him, he was at a loss. He was well trained and fearless, but right now all his training meant little. He did not know how to ease her grief. She had loved Tim deeply.

“You let me know which side wins out.” It was all he could do for her. “If you want answers, I will give you what I can.”

“Thanks, Hawk, and the flowers are lovely. My favorite.” Although she sat straight and sweetly, the corners of her mouth fought to hold steady. Shadows dimmed the bronze depths of her eyes, which had once sparkled and twinkled with abundant joy.

It was hard seeing the change in her. She looked like a woman who no longer laughed or who no longer knew how to live. Sympathy squeezed his hard heart. “I picked up a few things hanging out with the Granger brothers. Tim was always sending you gardenias. I figured there had to be a reason.”

“A slight one.” She didn’t need to say how much she had appreciated that about her man.

Hawk could see it. He felt drawn to her in a way that was beyond sympathy. The tightness in his chest was much more than a man’s concern over a woman he had rescued. The past connected them like a bridge across a river, taut and undeniable. He’d been a fool to come; it had been the right thing, but foolish. In the end, he couldn’t stay away. “I made a mistake with the flowers. They’ve reminded you of Tim.”

“Yes, but it was thoughtful.” She tried to put a bandage on her pain with a tentative smile, but he wasn’t fooled.

“I didn’t think. I just remembered—”

“I know,” she interrupted, saving him from feeling in the wrong. She was gentle and kind that way. Lovely, not just on the outside but inside, where it truly counted. “I haven’t received flowers in a long time. Now look at all of this. Fall down an old mine shaft and I get all this attention.”

She was trying to steer away from talk of the past and of everything that hurt, too. Relieved, he went with it and put on a grin. Maybe it was best to leave sad things in the shadows. “How did you get down there, anyway?”

“You don’t want to know.” She played with the blanket hem, her long, sensitive fingers working a blue thread. Her sleek brown hair fell around her face like a shield. “I made a mistake.”

“Who hasn’t at one time or another?”

“I should have been more strict with Crystal, but she’s one of my favorite students.”

“Plus, you are a pushover. At least, that’s my best impression of you.”

“I’ve been called worse.” She twirled a loose thread around her fingers, hating the way her hand trembled. She fought to stay numb, keeping the broken pieces safely frozen as if they were nothing, nothing at all. “Crystal’s mare was sidestepping and acting weird.”

“In my opinion, horses always act weird.”

“That’s because they aren’t always predictable. Even the best-trained horse will surprise a good rider.”

“Even you?” He arched one dark brow. “I’ve heard you are quite the horsewoman.”

“Believe me, I know plenty who are better riders than I will ever be. Especially when Crystal refused to get back on the trail. When her horse balked, I should have insisted she dismount immediately. I already had, and I was reaching for her mare’s bridle.”

“You must have trouble with wildlife on that mountainside.”

“Yes, and if a horse sees a predator, there’s no guarantee you can hold them. Crystal is a strong-minded girl, I adore her, but she was testing my patience by not listening. Then the ground gave out. Her mare must have sensed the earth wasn’t steady. She took off, threw Crystal. I hit a back hoof on the way down. We fell a long way. My horse had already taken a few steps off the trail and had calmed down.”

“Both horses wound up back home okay.”

“Yes, and I’m grateful. Comanche is a good boy. He’s the reason you found us.”

“Yes. It’s the reason we knew where to start looking. At first they thought Crystal’s dad might have abducted her. That threw everyone off for a bit.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t considered that. She knew a little of her students’ private lives, but not too much. She was aware the family had been through a bitter divorce. “I can’t imagine how terrified Patty must have been.”

“We were called in around chow time to help with the search.” Hawk pushed away from the wall and grabbed a hard-backed chair by the top. He swung it toward the bed, seating himself on it like a motorcycle.

“I should have realized they would have called over to Fort Lewis for help with search and rescue.”

“Then, what, you would have been better prepared to see me?” Kindness warmed his intense blue gaze. “You couldn’t have known I would be on post at all. Just like I couldn’t have known when I took a look at who we were searching for that they would hand me your picture.”

“No.” She swallowed hard, as if not pleased they had circled back around to the past, which was an impossible river between them.

“It’s going to be all right, September.” He reached out, his warm callused hand settling on her forearm. “We don’t have to talk or think about it. We’ll chalk it up to divine providence and go on from here.”

“Good plan.” She tried to think straight, but the sunlight blazed strangely bright until she could not see. Maybe it had something to do with her concussion. When the sun faded to its usual midmorning glow, Hawk gazed with concern at her, appearing as solid and as unyielding as a granite mountain. She swallowed hard, trying to act normal. “You must be up for deployment soon.”

“I’ll be Stateside for a while, but you know that can change at a drop of a hat.”

“I do. You’ve been a Ranger for a long time. You like the lifestyle.”

“Seven years.” He shook his head, scattering what there was of his short dark hair. “You’re doing well for yourself. I hear you have a reputation at what you do.”

“A good one, I hope.”