Blessed Vows

“You were alone?”

“We didn’t want to be split up, and no one could take on the four of us.” Well, the spear remained lodged in her heart and the past was just going to keep hurting if she kept talking about it. She turned her attention—and the conversation—to the freezer. “You wouldn’t want to reach down with those long arms of yours and dig around for a roast, would you?”

“A roast. Why, ma’am, I’d do nearly anything for a good roast. We don’t get those much in the deserts where I’ve been spending my time.” He leaned down as if to thrust his arm deep into the frosty mists, but stopped in mid-plunge. “I can’t believe this. You have my absolute favorite fish sticks. I mean, these are the best.”

“I love those, too. They’re the best with the tartar we make at the diner. I’ve got a jar—”

“Forget the roast. Let’s whip up a cookie sheet of these, bake up some Tater Tots and I’ll be happy as a— Oh boy, you’ve got real apple pie in here.”

“Homemade. If you want—”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He loaded up with the pie and the fish sticks before closing the lid. “You really don’t mind?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been on my feet all day. Tell you what, how long are you staying in town tomorrow?”

“Uh… Don’t know. We’re on a standby flight back to LA. I’ve got the last of the estate stuff to settle, it’s a long process.” The look on his face, one of grief, one of bewilderment kept her from turning off the light.

Estate stuff? Rachel’s stomach twisted. Before she could ask, Jake reached up and snapped off the light, leaving them in shadows. “Sally’s mom died—my sister. Hit by a bus on the way to work one morning.”

No. That poor little girl. Rachel’s heart wrung in sympathy. She knew just what that felt like for a child to lose a mother. “And her father?”

“Nonexistent. Ran off long ago and never wanted to be responsible. No one can even find him now. That’s why I have her.” He took off abruptly, speaking over his shoulder, sounding normal but his movements looked jerky and tense in the half-light drifting down the staircase. “That’s why she’s with me. If I hadn’t taken her when I arrived home, then she would have had to stay in foster care while I came here. And she asked me not to leave her. So I didn’t.”

“I’m glad you brought her.” Well, that was about the saddest thing she’d heard in a long time. “How long was she alone while you were in the desert?”

“Nearly seven weeks. That’s a long time.”

“Too long.” Rachel’s quiet agreement said everything.

I wish I could have gotten to her sooner. There was no getting around that fact. Or the logistical problems of hunting him down in the middle of a covert deployment and getting him back to the States again.

Jake felt the weight of impossible guilt, dragging him downward. He’d done all he could, but it didn’t change the fact that Sally had been left alone to grieve in a stranger’s home, under a stranger’s care, and she wasn’t the same little girl he remembered. It was as if something essentially her had died too, of sorrow. How was he going to fix it for her? He didn’t have a single answer.

Maybe the Lord would give him one, since he was all out of ideas. All out of everything.

“I’ll do what I can to make sure she has some fun,” Rachel said.

So much understanding lit her voice, and it struck Jake like a bullet to the heart. He hadn’t registered his worries about bringing Sally—about everything. He didn’t want to go there. He would handle it, things would work out. He was Special Forces trained to assess, adapt and overcome. He’d succeeded at every training exercise, every task and every mission. But a child was not a mission.

He headed up the stairs, box in hand, not sure if he could look Rachel in the eye. “I figured that since Ben had a nephew about Sally’s age, she might not be too out of place.”

“Oh, of course not. I happen to be in charge of the kids’ activities. You know, receptions are so boring for the little people. All that sitting still and vows and kisses and then the manners at the sit-down meal. So we’re going to have our own party outside. I’ll take good care of Sally for you. I’m sure you and Ben will want to hang out for a while at the reception.”

Jake nearly missed the last step up. “I hadn’t thought about pawning her off on anyone. That wasn’t what I meant—”

“I know. But I was simply informing you of our plans. If you want her to be with the other kids, we’re going to have a lot of fun.” Rachel shut the door and followed him to the counter where he’d dropped off the fish box. “We’ll have games and races and our own cake. We’re having hot dogs and burgers. It’s going to be such a blast, I can’t wait.”

Ben was right. His sister Rachel was the nicest person ever. And she didn’t seem to know it, didn’t seem aware that she was as incredibly beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. Her loveliness shone outward like sunlight through clouds, and it dazzled.

He had to turn away, blinking hard, affected and he didn’t know why. He was used to keeping his feelings under lock and key. Why his emotions were staging a breakout, he didn’t know, but he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Rachel clicked on the oven and there was a clatter as she dug a cookie sheet out of the bottom cabinets. Her “Oops!” was good-natured as she put away the other racks and cookie sheets that had tumbled out with the first one.

She had a patience about her, an inner harmony that he admired. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that she was probably great with kids. “I’m sure Sally would like to hang out with you tomorrow. Thanks.”

“Not a problem.” She rose, a petite willow of a woman who moved like poetry, like grace, like all that was good in the world.

It was nice, it was normal. He wasn’t used to nice and normal, he’d been away from a normal life for so long, he didn’t feel as if he quite fit anymore. It was heartening to see, it gave a man pause, to watch a woman in a kitchen preparing supper and to know all was safe here, all was right in this tiny piece of the world.

Maybe he could lay down his responsibilities, the constant on-guard duty he carried, and rest for a short while. He hadn’t realized how tired he was, but it washed over him like a warm rain.

“Jake, I’ll whip you up some homemade fries,” she said as she hauled real potatoes out of the pantry. “It’ll only take a second. Sally is welcome to have her soda in the living room. Why don’t I take that in to her before I start getting busy in here?”

His throat closed entirely. Unable to know what emotions were whirling around free inside him, and just as unable to speak, he held up his hand, stopping her with what he hoped wasn’t too harsh a gesture and grabbed Sally’s cup and his soda can.

He walked out of the kitchen and didn’t look back, but he swore he left a part of himself standing there, awed by the woman and her kindness.

Chapter Four

It always made Rachel happy to be in the kitchen. With the hum of the TV drifting in through the dining room, she popped the tray of fish sticks and Tater Tots into the oven and plunked the small hill of hand-cut potatoes into the deep-fryer. Cooking was comforting, maybe because she associated it with her mom and dad.

Few things in a day made her happier than having someone to cook for, even temporarily. The fatigue that had built on her in layers throughout the day began to fade. As she set the timer, a new burst of energy lifted her up. The fryer’s oil sizzled and snapped and the sound was a friendly accompaniment while she dug through the shelving inside the refrigerator’s door and picked out the appropriate condiments.

After loading up a tray with napkins and flatware, she set out for the living room. The rise and fall of voices from the television grew louder, drawing her closer. On the couch in front of the colorful screen and washed in the glowing light, the big man and little girl sat side by side, intent on the old family movie.

Wow. It was awesome Sally had an uncle like Jake who would take her in without question. Otherwise, she’d hate to think of what the child might face. She’d been exposed to that fear as a kid. But probably Sally had it worse losing her home and having to move across the country to the house where Jake was stationed. While Sally battled her grief over her mom, at least she had Jake to love and protect her, to keep her safe from this world that often did not think of children.

Rachel set the tray in the center of the coffee table, leaning just right so she wouldn’t block their view of the tube.

Jake stirred from his TV watching. “I ought to get off my duff and help you.”

“There’s nothing left to do.”

Heaven save me from this man. It would be nothing at all to simply fall fast and hard in love with him. Well, not real love, that was something that deepened forever between a man and woman, but the initial tumble, that wouldn’t take too much if she kept seeing more of his good heart.

Nope, she needed to handle things from here by herself. It was a matter of self-preservation. “You stay right there with Sally. She needs your company. I’ll be back with supper.”

“You eat in here?”

“Why not? It’s Friday. It’s the tradition in this house.”

As she turned her back on the cheerful movie flashing across the screen, it was the past and its cherished memories that came with her. This was why she loved living in this house so much. The four of them together as kids, crowded onto the two couches that used to be in this room, pushing and shoving and laughing in good humor so that it was hard to listen to the movie.

Dad would be manning the grill outside if it was summer, and he’d pop his head through the slider door and shout at them to stop hitting one another. As she set up the TV trays, Mom would be laughing, reminding him that he was the one who wanted four kids, remember?

As often as not, one of them would jump off the couches to help her. Soon their favorite meal of cheese-burgers and Tater Tots would be served up on the trays, they’d all be eating and watching the TV. All through the show, Dad would make funny comments meant to make them all howl with laughter.

Yeah, she thought as she whipped the fries from the hot grease, this was the reason she hadn’t settled down yet. Because she hadn’t settled. How could she want anything less than the family life she’d had growing up? One day, the good Lord willing, she would know that brand of happiness again.