Heaven Knows

It made no sense, but the feeling remained.

“Here’s Grammy,” Hailey announced from the front of the store. “See ya later, Dad!”

“Don’t forget your bag.” John watched to make sure she grabbed the pink backpack from the counter, damp from the towel and swimsuit inside from her stay at Stephanie’s. “And wait up. I’ve got something for your grandmother.”

The bell above the door jangled and the screen door slammed. Hailey hadn’t heard him. Through the front-window display, he could plainly see his mom circling around the front of her car, dressed perfectly as always, and greeting Hailey with a big hug.

His pulse skipped a beat—then he noticed the passenger seat was empty. Mom hadn’t brought Alexandra back with her. Disappointment washed through him like a cold ocean wave, leaving him troubled.

Had he been looking forward that much to seeing Alexandra again?

Then maybe it was for the best that she wasn’t here. He had no right to feel any caring—however remote—for any woman. Not after how he’d failed.

Through the screen door, he heard his mother talking, and his daughter answering. He could hear a hay truck downshift as it eased through town. It all sounded far away at the memory of his failure long ago now, but yet, in an instant, it seemed like only moments ago. When his world had changed. And a pretty young woman had lost her life.

The container felt heavy in his hand. Praying for the memories to leave him, he pushed blindly through the door, stumbling and dazed. He’d do anything to have the chance to go back and change the past. Anything.

Mom’s merry voice brought warmth to the afternoon suddenly turned cold. “Hailey, that bag of yours is as wet as your swimsuit. We’d better put it in my trunk because I just cleaned my car. Is that everything?”

“Yep.” Hailey took tight hold of Bev’s hand, as she always did, and climbed into the back seat.

A typical Saturday afternoon, like a dozen others so far this spring. Mom’s cheer, Hailey’s charm and his life in this small town—the same as ever. The weight of his guilt made his step heavy and slow.

“John, are you all right? You’re as quiet as could be, and that’s not like you.” Mom peered at him carefully. “You don’t seem flushed.”

“I’m fine. Just wondering if you found Alexandra,” he hedged.

Why was his pulse racing when he mentioned the woman’s name? It was guilt—plain and simple. As if he could help enough people, that would atone for the one person he couldn’t have helped.

“Heavens to Betsy, John, I’m so glad you called me. I found poor Alexandra walking along that road all by herself. That just isn’t safe, not at all.” A deep look of sorrow passed over Mom’s gentle face. She’d always been tenderhearted, caring about everybody.

“I insisted on giving her a ride, and you were right, she was stubborn at first, but that shows sense. A young woman can’t accept rides from strangers these days. So I stayed with her until her car started. But do you know she doesn’t have a soul in the world who cares about her? No family at all. No one to worry over her arriving safe and sound. It’s a shame, it is, a nice girl like that.”

“That’s why I called you.” John’s throat tightened until he could hardly speak. “Thanks for helping her out.”

“She bought us ice cream,” Hailey volunteered from the back seat. “And she had a dog when she was little. Just thought I otta mention it.”

“We heard you, Miss One Track Mind.” Bev tried to hide a chuckle. “We’ll pray Alexandra has smooth roads ahead of her. You were a good man to help her out, John.”

“The least I could do, seeing as she came into my store.”

“You don’t fool me with your modesty act. You’re one of the finest men I know, and I’m proud to call you my son.”

Not true, but it made some of the pain in his chest ease. “I come from good stock,” he told her because he knew it would make her smile, and he turned to his sprite of a daughter playing with the seat belt buckle. “You stay out of trouble, you hear?”

“I’ll try.” Hailey grinned like the angel she was.

Such sweetness. Love for her filled his heart as he set the bin of rose food in the trunk with Hailey’s backpack. She was a good girl, and he was grateful to his mom for the time she spent with Hailey, making up for a mother’s absence.

His guilt felt as dark as the storm clouds overhead.

“Bye, Daddy!”

John watched his mother’s car pull away from the curb. Hailey’s purple-painted fingernails flashed as she waved.

The Lord had forgiven him long ago, or so Pastor Bill assured him time and time again, but that hadn’t erased the guilt. John would never forgive himself for his wife’s death.

Ever.

Because he’d stopped by Mrs. Fletcher’s house, John was late arriving at his Mom’s. The kitchen was a flurry of activity. The oven timer buzzed loud and shrill, and the potatoes boiling too hard on the stove spit sizzling water onto the burner.

“Good, you showed up just in time.” Mom poured water from the green beans at the sink. “Give your dad a shout, would you? He’s out tinkering with that tractor and I can’t get him away from it.”

“Daddy!” Hailey looked up from coloring at the table. Crayons flew as she tore across the room, winding her arms around his knees. “Grammy’s making my favorite potatoes.”

“Good. Those are my favorite, too.”

The phone shrilled again just as Mom was reaching deep into the oven to rescue the delicious-smelling roast. Halfway to the door to find his dad, John lifted the receiver from the wall-mounted phone. “Howdy.”

“Is this Bev’s home?”

Wait. He knew that voice—soft, pretty and gentle. “It surely is. This wouldn’t happen to be Alexandra?”

“Hi, John.”

“How’s the car running? Mom told me you were quite the mechanic.”

“I managed to make it to Bozeman just fine. I promised Bev I’d call when I arrived safely. So she wouldn’t worry.”

“That’s my mom. I knew she’d look after you.”

“I should hold that against you, sending me someone I couldn’t say no to. Thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome. Here’s Mom now. Before I surrender the phone—” he held the receiver high so his mother couldn’t reach it “—I meant to say something earlier, and since this is probably my last chance, here goes. I noticed you taking a second glance at the Help Wanted sign I had posted. You wouldn’t happen to be interested in a job, would you?”

“I’m surprised you noticed. I hardly glanced at it.”

“So you aren’t interested.”

“I didn’t say that.”

On the other side of the line, Alexandra could hear Bev telling John something.

John chuckled. “Is that so? Mom said you were looking for a job. For the right opportunity.”

“How do I know working in your store is the right opportunity? I have absolutely no hardware experience whatsoever.”

“You don’t need experience. I’m not looking for help in the store.”