Release

She was a doctor, not a soldier. If she could have completely disassociated herself from the whole matter, she would have. All she wanted was to do her job. To keep the clinic going and lose herself in work. She didn’t want to babysit Seth, she didn’t want to have to hide, she didn’t want to live in this house or have a trauma room in her basement.

Nothing had been right since that one day. Since she’d stood witness to the slaughter of an entire town. Of course she dreamed of it night after night. That day, she’d walked into hell.

Her bathroom floor was cold on her bare feet, but one of the great things about this old house was the water pressure. She turned on the shower, hung her robe and nightshirt on the hook on the back of the door and eased herself under the spray. She thought of nothing but the heat and comfort for several long minutes, then got down to the business of washing.

The more she thought about bringing Seth to work in the clinic, the more she liked the idea. It would get him out of the house, give him a practical way to get used to his prosthetic. And it would be a safe place. The kind of people who came to the clinic weren’t likely to connect Seth, especially the way he looked now, to the Wanted posters. She’d encouraged him to do more than grow his hair, but he couldn’t stand the mustache or beard. Maybe they could dye his hair, although it would be a shame to change those coppery highlights. Harper smiled, thinking of Seth’s reaction if she should dare say such a thing. He wasn’t exactly open to his feminine side, was he?

She finished washing her hair, then spread some shave gel on her right leg. She was pasty white, which she’d never been, even as a kid, but she didn’t spend much time outdoors anymore. The hiking she loved was a thing of the past, work keeping her a virtual prisoner. It was probably foolish to ignore other aspects of her life, and if it wasn’t quite so chilly out, she’d drive herself up to Angeles National Forest and get lost in the trees. Unfortunately this January was exceptionally cold and wet, and she wanted to hike for pleasure, not punishment.

After finishing her left leg, she rinsed off all the soap, shampoo and gel, wishing she didn’t have to go down to the basement at all. Wishing she didn’t know that Seth was still so angry. Wishing…

Wishing she had a man in her home who wanted her. Wanted to be there. She was lonely. Not because she had no real friends. That was nothing new. She didn’t trust a lot of people, not in that intimate way she saw all around her. That had never been her style. But she wasn’t one to deny herself when it came to men. She liked them, had always liked them. Not for keeps, of course, but for a month or two. If the chemistry was there, why not?

The chemistry hadn’t even been alive in her since that day in Serbia. She didn’t even want to think about how long she’d been without. She’d considered Seth, naturally, but he was so…so pissed. At her. Some women might get off on that whole macho anger thing, but not her. Not yet. But if something didn’t change, she wasn’t guaranteeing a thing.

She grabbed the towel off the rack, and fifteen minutes later she was in jeans and a sweater, her sneakers tied, her hair as neat as it ever got. No makeup, not for work.

Downstairs, the coffeepot had done its job, and she filled two mugs. Black for Seth and light for her. Then she headed down to the basement of doom.

Seth was up and dressed, which he always was, and he was on the floor doing one-armed push-ups. Admirable in any other patient, but Seth took it too far. He wouldn’t stop until he reached one hundred. And then he’d collapse, sometimes on his stump, and he would be shaky and weak for too long. All her talk of moderation went in one ear and out the other. Stubborn ass.

She put his coffee down and waited, watching the muscles in his back, the way his butt clenched. From this angle, he was perfect. You had to know him to see that he was one push-up away from a nervous breakdown.

He did the whole collapse thing and, of course, got up too soon. She ignored his red face and rapid breathing completely as she peeled the sock off his stump.

Seth stared over her shoulder, as always. He never complained about how she touched him, but he didn’t participate either. It was as if she were working on someone else’s body, and that had to stop. Now.

“So how would you like a job?”

He turned sharply. “What?”

“A job. Work. The end of you moping all day.”

“What kind of a job?”

“Don’t get excited. You don’t get to kill anyone. We could use another aide at the clinic.”

“Aide?”

She used her hands to feel his stump. The blood flow was good, the scar was healing beautifully. But there was no callous from his prosthetic, which meant he wasn’t wearing it enough. “Yeah, stocking the exam rooms, cleaning up, filing. That kind of thing.”

He didn’t say anything, but the vein in his jaw spoke volumes.

“It’s not glamorous, but it’ll be good for you. You’ll get better at using the hand. It won’t replace physical therapy, but it’ll accelerate your progress.”

“So I can do what?”

“I don’t know. Get a life maybe?”

He snorted, which was something she’d grown disturbingly used to. She held his arm to the side so she could examine a bruise that was starting to yellow. “Is this still bothering you?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“I’ll call Noah.”

“For that?”

“Making sure the prosthetic fits perfectly is his job. You won’t wear it if it’s uncomfortable.”

“It’s always uncomfortable.”

“You’ll get used to it if you wear it enough. It’s not easy, but you’ve faced harder things, I’m sure. Don’t you want to be able to pick things up? To hold a cup of coffee? Your dick?”

The look he gave her was priceless. She’d only said it to shock him. For a grown man, a man who’d been to war, he sure shocked easily. She probably shouldn’t take so much pleasure in making him blush. But he looked good that way, and…oh, God, she needed to get out more. “Let me see you put it on,” she said, dropping his arm and replacing it with her coffee, which she picked up easily with her left hand, just to be obnoxious.

He noticed, but he didn’t say anything. He just went about putting on the sock, which he did with his right hand and his teeth, then he got the prosthetic out of the top drawer of the small dresser in the corner of the room.

She wondered if it was uncomfortable for him to sleep here every night. It wasn’t so much a cozy basement as a trauma room, complete with portable X-ray, surgical tools, every kind of medicine she could think might be needed and a handy defibrillator. She’d tried to plan for every kind of emergency—and good thing she had or Seth could have died from that gunshot wound.

When Nate had proposed the idea of setting her up like this, she’d been shocked, knowing it would be outrageously expensive. But he’d come up with the money and she’d stocked the basement to the gills. She hadn’t had to use it until three months ago. Now it had become Seth’s home. She’d offered him the spare bedroom, but he’d turned her down. All he did upstairs was shower and make himself ham-and-cheese sandwiches. She’d never met a more stubborn man. She just wished he’d use that trait to get acclimated to his new life.

He grunted as he struggled with the hand. It wasn’t a difficult task, but it was terribly awkward. His left shoulder kept moving, an unconscious response he wouldn’t lose for a long time, if ever. There were a million and one things the nondominant hand is used for, and the brain didn’t take to this kind of change easily. Finally he was set up, and while the manufacturers tried damn hard to make the fake hands look real, they didn’t. They were substitutes, ungainly ones, but in time Seth would find his way.

He looked at her with a surprising lack of satisfaction. “Okay, it’s on.”

“Open and close,” she said, leaning against the long cabinet.

He went through his paces inelegantly, which was to be expected.

“How many hours did you wear it yesterday?”

Seth shrugged. “About five.”

“I want you to wear it for a minimum of eight. Which works out well, since that’s the minimum you’ll be at work.”

“I’m not going to be an aide, Harper, so forget it.”

“No? What, are you planning to sell your body to earn your keep?”

“If I’m that much of a bother, I’ll leave.”

“And go where?”

“I can hook up with Nate.”

“No, you can’t. You’ll just be in his way. He doesn’t have time to babysit you.”

He flushed again, this time with pure anger, but she didn’t care. The man needed a reality check. He had to get on with it, just as they all had to get on with it, whether he liked it or not.