Arm Candy

Dan heard a mumble in the background. Then, “Glen Viders.”

“Great, send him up.” Dan let go of the buzzer, curious. He’d known Glen for about a year, mostly as someone who kicked his ass regularly at racquetball. He liked Glen, liked his sense of humor and his taste in art. He’d bought a Lichtenstein from his gallery and he’d paid a good price for it. But they’d never really socialized, except for the occasional showing invitation. What could bring him by?

Dan opened the door and invited Glen in.

“This isn’t a bad time, is it?”

“Not at all. I was just going to make some coffee. Would you like some?”

“Sure.”

Dan led the way into the kitchen, where he pulled the beans out of the fridge to begin the process. “So, what’s up?”

“I have a proposition for you.”

Dan stopped short. “Oh?”

Glen laughed. “Not that kind of proposition. This one should be more to your liking.”

Smiling, and a touch relieved, Dan continued with the coffee making. “Intriguing. Do go on.”

Glen leaned against the kitchen door, crossed his arms over his chest and smiled. “I have this friend. Her name is Jessica Howell and she’s got a problem.”

Dan worked on the coffee while Glen filled him in on the situation. His first instinct was to say no and be done with it, but the more he heard about Jessica, the more an idea began to germinate. “So she’s brilliant, huh?”

“Top two percent of her class at Harvard. She’s razor-sharp, and too damn articulate for that foolish job she’s got.”

“Workaholic?”

“Beyond belief. I don’t think she’s been on a date since she moved to New York six years ago.”

“And I’d be with her. In her room for the whole week?”

“Yeah. Well, wait. I’m not sure about the ‘in her room’ part. But you’d have to stick pretty damn close.”

“Hmm.”

“Who knows? Things could go that way, if you play your cards right.”

“And what did you say she looked like?”

Glen smiled. “I didn’t. But now that you ask, she’s a babe. A little thing, but a powerhouse, if you know what I mean. Auburn hair, blue eyes. Really striking. She could have the men lining up, but—”

Dan nodded, pleased, but not all that concerned. Her looks were incidental. Her mind was what interested him. She was willing to pay to have an escort. He didn’t need the money, but he did have something he wanted to bargain for. “Tell you what. Set up a meeting. Whenever it’s convenient for her. We’ll talk.”

“She’ll be thrilled.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

Glen pushed himself off the wall. “What are you plotting?”

“Quid pro quo, Glen. With some very exciting potential.”

Women…

If you praise her, she thinks you’re lying

If you don’t, you’re good for nothing

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, she wants you to talk

If you visit her often, she thinks you’re boring

If you don’t, she thinks you’re cheating

If you’re jealous, she says it’s bad

If you’re not, she thinks you don’t love her

If you stare at other women, she accuses you of flirting

If other men stare at her, she’s flattered

If you want sex, she says you don’t respect her

If you don’t, she thinks you’re gay.

Source: Thomas, Megan “Men are Marvelous Creatures.” http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/˜mct/funny/woandmen.html

2

GLEN STARED AT HIM for a long moment, clearly trying to figure out whether or not he would move forward. “I’ll call her tonight,” Dan finally said with a slow grin.

“Great.”

The coffee aroma filled the kitchen, and Dan got down two mugs. “Can I ask how come you’re not the one who’s stepping up to the plate?”

“Hey, I’d do it in a minute, but I have to be in L.A. Besides, I think this will work out better.”

“Oh?” He got out the cream from the fridge, took it and the mugs to the butcher-block table. He nodded for Glen to take a seat, and made a pass at his pantry. He brought out a couple of boxes of cookies. By then the coffee was ready, so he carried the pot over and poured.

“Jessica and I go back to college, and I’d say I know her pretty well. Inside that ambition is one hell of a good woman. She just has to take off the blinders. See something of the world around her. From what I’ve heard, that seems to be your specialty.”

Dan sat down. “Curious perspective, and I suppose reasonably accurate.”

“Yeah. You two will be…interesting.”