Tall, Dark And Irresistible

“Oh, I don’t know. That big tub you’re describing holds a certain appeal, I must say. I could add an enclosed shower stall for when I wanted a quick in and out, and use the tub for really relaxing, unwinding from a long day.”

“That works,” Carolyn said, nodding, “but let’s change the subject. I think it’s rather nuts to be discussing styles of bathtubs, don’t you?”

Not really, Ryan thought, because all kinds of decisions had to be made when designing a house. Discussing that garden tub, however, wasn’t a terrific idea at the moment because the mental picture it was creating was kicking his libido into overdrive.

“There’s the restaurant just up ahead,” he said, extremely glad to see the familiar building. “We’re shifting gears from bathtubs to delicious food.”

And none too soon, Carolyn thought, willing her racing heart to return to a normal tempo.

The restaurant was one of Ventura’s finest and most popular. Carolyn and Ryan were shown to a small table in one of the many charming alcoves, affording them enviable privacy.

They ordered from large menus edged in satin binding, Carolyn’s menu had no prices printed on the parchment where the selections had been done in calligraphy. Ryan chose, tasted and approved a fine wine.

They chatted about the clever additions of the alcoves in the restaurant, moved on to the subject of the weather, then the winning record of a local basketball team made up of firefighters, police officers and members of the city counsel.

Crisp salads were placed in front of them, followed by Carolyn’s order of baked salmon with dill sauce, and Ryan’s choice of an enormous steak.

“Oh, this is all so delicious,” Carolyn said. “I have a feeling I’m going to eat every bite.”

“You’re not alone in that. This steak is great.” He paused. “So, tell me about Carolyn St. John, Ms. Carolyn St. John. How did you settle on a career involving international adoptions?”

“Is this going to lead to another argument on the subject?” she said, smiling, while telling the nagging voice in her mind to hush.

Ryan raised his right hand. “No, ma’am. I solemnly swear it is not. I’m attempting to get to know you better, and since your career is a very important part of who you are, it’s a reasonable question. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said, laughing. “Well, I grew up in Arizona and my parents still live in Phoenix. When I was a senior in high school there was a career day held and I spent quite a bit of time talking to a representative from an adoption agency. Something just clicked, and I knew that was what I wanted to do, be a part of.”

Ryan nodded.

“I went to Arizona State University and lived at home to save money. I have a bachelor degree in social work and another in human services. When I was close to graduating, I got on the Internet to see what jobs were available, found the agency here in Ventura, and as they say, the rest is history.”

“Interesting. You have two degrees?”

“It made sense at the time.” Carolyn laughed. “Looking back I wonder how I did that, because it seemed I was always studying and never getting enough sleep.”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“No,” Carolyn said, redirecting her attention to her plate. “I’m an only child.”

Because special needs children require a great deal of time, energy and money to raise, she thought. Due to that her parents didn’t have the big family they’d originally planned on, but continually assured her that she was so precious to them it didn’t matter one iota.

“Did you have a happy childhood?”

“My goodness, I feel as though I’m being interviewed for a magazine article or something,” Carolyn said, forcing a smile to her lips. “What about you? Do you have siblings?”

“An older sister.” Ryan studied Carolyn for a moment as he caught the fact that she had avoided answering his question about her childhood. “It’s a cool story. My father was a police officer and met my mom when she was newly divorced and very pregnant. He ended up delivering my sister himself before the ambulance crew got there. He considered Patty to be his daughter even before she was born.”

“Oh, that is so sweet, so romantic. And then later they adopted you?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, nodding. “My dad had mumps way back when and wasn’t able to have kids. So…after a ton of paperwork and months of waiting, they flew to Korea and got me when I was six months old. End of story.”

“But it really isn’t, is it?” Carolyn said softly, looking directly at him. “You had a difficult time adjusting.”

Ryan lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Off and on. I think it was a bit rougher for me because I was half-Korean and half-American. But enough of this, unless you want me to rattle off a bunch of Korean for you. I took a class in the language before I made a trip to Korea about a year or so ago. I learned enough to get by over there, but I guess Korean spoken with an American accent sounds pretty weird, because I set off a bunch of people in fits of laughter at times when I was attempting to communicate with them.”

“Did you enjoy your visit there?”

“No,” Ryan said. “Are you going to have room for dessert? They have a Black Forest cake here that is sensational.”

In other words, Carolyn mused, anything that touched on Ryan’s heritage was closed.

The conversation shifted again as they finished their meal with Ryan explaining that the Sharpe family was considered to be official members of the large MacAllister clan.

“My dad and Ryan MacAllister were partners on the Ventura police force for many years before they retired. They named their sons after each other.” Ryan laughed. “Which is why my name is Ryan in case you’re not following all this. I have a bunch of cousins, aunts, uncles, a set of grandparents, the whole nine yards, who aren’t really related to me but—” He shrugged.

“But they love you and you love them,” Carolyn said, smiling.

“Yes,” Ryan said seriously. “Yes, I love them all, very much. Believe me, Carolyn, I know how lucky, how blessed I am to have been adopted by Hannah and Ted Sharpe. I not only have wonderful parents and a super sister, but I’m part of the MacAllister family, too.”

Ryan pushed his plate to one side and folded his arms on the top of the table.

“I’ve upset and—and hurt a lot of fantastic people,” he went on, “by my inability to find an inner peace. Last year my grandfather, Robert MacAllister, gave me a special gift, a…well, that’s another story.

“What I’m trying to say here is that my problems are mine, are within me, are certainly not caused by any lack of love showered on me by my family the entire time I was growing up.

“I’m working hard, very, very hard, at getting a grip on the whole thing. It’s coming. Slowly, but it’s coming…the peace, little by little.” He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What I did, said, in your office, though, was a red alert to me that I have a ways to go yet. I really am terribly sorry about what happened that day. Seeing all those pictures of the adopted kids just triggered a lot of memories and… Ah, hell, there’s no excuse for my behavior and I sincerely hope you’ve forgiven me.”

“Of course I have,” Carolyn said, reaching across the table to cover his hand with one of hers as the nagging voice stilled. “I understand so much better now why— Oh, Ryan, I hope so much that you find your peace, move past your feelings. I understand about being different and…” Her voice trailed off.

Ryan frowned as he laid his other hand on top of Carolyn’s where it rested on his.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Oh, well,” she said, attempting to pull her hand free. Ryan tightened his hold, keeping her hand firmly in place between his. “I…my career. Yes. I help create families that are a mixture of cultures. I’m confident at the time a child is placed with the new parents that all is well in that arena, but sometimes there are doubts, a problem or two with the extended family…

“You know, grandparents who might have difficulty accepting this foreign child as their grandchild. I work with those people as much as possible so that the child will know he or she, is totally loved and that…um…being different really isn’t important, doesn’t matter, and—” She cleared her throat. “I’m going to be sinfully indulgent and have some Black Forest cake.”

Ryan stared intently at Carolyn, then released her hand when she tugged on it again.

Something isn’t right here, he thought. Carolyn had been scrambling for an explanation about what she had said about knowing what it was like to be different. She’d started talking too fast, had been nearly babbling with her dissertation about unaccepting grandparents or whatever. The color had drained from her face, too, and she hadn’t looked directly at him while delivering her sermonette in a voice that was trembling slightly.

Ah, Carolyn, Ryan thought, what’s going on here? What wasn’t she telling him? What secrets did she have that she didn’t trust him with? Yet.

Carolyn leaned back in her chair and produced a small smile.

“Enough heavy discussions,” she said. “Are you going to have some cake with me?”

“Sure,” Ryan said, signaling to the waiter. “Would you like coffee with it?”