The Holy War, Made by King Shaddai Upon Diabolus, for the Regaining of the Metropolis of the World; Or, The Losing and Taking Again of the Town of Mansoul

Then replied the old Recorder, whose name was Mr. Conscience, and said, ‘Sir, you ought not thus to retort upon what my Lord Understanding hath said.  It is evident enough that he hath spoken the truth, and that you are an enemy to Mansoul.  Be convinced, then, of the evil of your saucy and malapert language, and of the grief that you have put the captains to; yea, and of the damages that you have done to Mansoul thereby.  Had you accepted of the conditions, the sound of the trumpet and the alarm of war had now ceased about the town of Mansoul; but that dreadful sound abides, and your want of wisdom in your speech has been the cause of it.’

Then said old Incredulity, ‘Sir, if I live, I will do your errand to Diabolus, and there you shall have an answer to your words.  Meanwhile we will seek the good of the town, and not ask counsel of you.’

Und.—Sir, your prince and you are both foreigners to Mansoul, and not the natives thereof; and who can tell but that, when you have brought us into greater straits, (when you also shall see that yourselves can be safe by no other means than by flight,) you may leave us and shift for yourselves, or set us on fire, and go away in the smoke, or by the light of our burning, and so leave us in our ruins?

Incred.—Sir, you forget that you are under a governor, and that you ought to demean yourself like a subject; and know ye, when my lord the king shall hear of this day’s work, he will give you but little thanks for your labour.

Now while these gentlemen were thus in their chiding words, down come from the walls and gates of the town the Lord Willbewill, Mr. Prejudice, old Ill-Pause, and several of the new-made aldermen and burgesses, and they asked the reason of the hubbub and tumult; and with that every man began to tell his own tale, so that nothing could be heard distinctly.  Then was a silence commanded, and the old fox Incredulity began to speak.  ‘My lord,’ quoth he, ‘here are a couple of peevish gentlemen, that have, as a fruit of their bad dispositions, and, as I fear, through the advice of one Mr. Discontent, tumultuously gathered this company against me this day, and also attempted to run the town into acts of rebellion against our prince.’

Then stood up all the Diabolonians that were present, and affirmed these things to be true.

Now when they that took part with my Lord Understanding and with Mr. Conscience perceived that they were like to come to the worst, for that force and power was on the other side, they came in for their help and relief; so a great company was on both sides.  Then they on Incredulity’s side would have had the two old gentlemen presently away to prison; but they on the other side said they should not.  Then they began to cry up parties again: the Diabolonians cried up old Incredulity, Forget-Good, the new aldermen, and their great one Diabolus; and the other party, they as fast cried up Shaddai, the captains, his laws, their mercifulness, and applauded their conditions and ways.  Thus the bickerment went awhile; at last they passed from words to blows, and now there were knocks on both sides.  The good old gentleman, Mr. Conscience, was knocked down twice by one of the Diabolonians, whose name was Mr. Benumbing; and my Lord Understanding had like to have been slain with an arquebuse, but that he that shot did not take his aim aright.  Nor did the other side wholly escape; for there was one Mr. Rashhead, a Diabolonian, that had his brains beaten out by Mr. Mind, the Lord Willbewill’s servant; and it made me laugh to see how old Mr. Prejudice was kicked and tumbled about in the dirt; for though, a while since, he was made captain of a company of the Diabolonians, to the hurt and damage of the town, yet now they had got him under their feet, and, I’ll assure you, he had, by some of the Lord Understanding’s party, his crown cracked to boot.  Mr. Anything also, he became a brisk man in the broil; but both sides were against him, because he was true to none.  Yet he had, for his malapertness, one of his legs broken, and he that did it wished it had been his neck.  Much more harm was done on both sides, but this must not be forgotten; it was now a wonder to see my Lord Willbewill so indifferent as he was: he did not seem to take one side more than another, only it was perceived that he smiled to see how old Prejudice was tumbled up and down in the dirt.  Also, when Captain Anything came halting up before him, he seemed to take but little notice of him.