The Climate of Courage

“I’m glad,” she said. “It makes me feel better for him.”

“What do you mean?” said Silver.

“Nothing,” Sarah smiled, her grey eyes looking a little tired. “It’s been all a little confusing these past few days, married to Public Hero Number One.”

“It can’t have been much of a reunion for the two of you,” said Silver. “I mean, no privacy. So little time to yourselves.

“It’s been like spending our honeymoon on Central Station,” Sarah said. “I’m afraid to take my clothes off for fear the doorbell will ring again.”

“That wouldn’t worry Greg, would it?” said Jack. “He’d welcome them all, naked or not.”

Sarah nodded. “He was interviewed the other day by the Herald in his underpants. He was never what you’d call self-conscious. I must have had a too modest upbringing, like to be fully dressed in front of strangers. Anyhow, we’re escaping for a couple of days. We’re going up to Katoomba to-night.”

Greg had now begun to speak. Just as I thought, Jack said to himself. Bing Crosby, Clark Gable, Richard the Lion-Heart, all rolled into one. You’d think he’d been doing it all his life. Listen to the microphone technique, better than I could ever use it and I’ve had years of practice. Look at the charm flowing out like syrup out of a barrel. And just the right touch of modesty to season the devil-may-care attitude. I like the bastard and I admire him, but in a moment I’m going to be sick right in the middle of Mrs. Bendixter’s bond rally.

“I’m going downstairs for a breath of air,” he said. “I don’t want any bonds to-day, thank you.”

“I’ll come with you,” said Silver. “We can go and have dinner now.”

“What about helping your mother?”

“She won’t need me. It was just in case the hero was unmarried. Sometimes I’m expected to find him a girl, or in the last resort go out with him myself. But Greg’s all fixed.” She smiled at Sarah. “Have a nice second honeymoon, Sarah. No photographers or visitors.”

“Take your clothes off and leave them off,” said Jack.

Sarah smiled at them. “I’ll do my best. And thank you. I’ll say good night to Greg for you.”

They left Greg and his bated-breath audience and went down in the lift and out into Elizabeth Street. The air was pleasantly cool and the crowds in the streets had thinned out. A breeze came across the park, brushing the leaves like a restless child, and the moon struggled to free itself from a net of clouds.

“Sarah looked rather tired,” said Silver, “as if she’s been under something of a strain.”

“Living with Greg under any circumstances would be a strain on a woman.”

“Sometimes you sound as if you don’t like him.”

“I do like him.” He had come to cherish the friendship of several of the men in the last two years, particularly Greg and Vern Radcliffe. He had been self-sufficient before the war, having no close men friends and needing none. But of late, knowing these men in arms with him, exchanging confidences with them, having them sometimes depend on him, he had become aware of a feeling of selflessness that had given him more pleasure than he could remember in his dealings with men before. At one time he had laughed at the Australian religion of mateship, the spirit of fraternalism that was evident in so many movements in the country’s history. If he hadn’t yet succumbed to it completely, he had at least stopped laughing. He had recognised it as one of the few things of constant value in a world of changing values. “I have a great affection for the irresponsible bastard. But that’s his trouble, he’s too irresponsible.”

“You sounded like a good responsible type to-night, when you were going to sock that officer.” She stopped walking and stared at him, then she moved on again. “I believe you would have, too. You’re a queer mixture. Jack. Sometimes you sound too cynical to care about anything. And other times——” She made a hopeless gesture with her hand. “Remind me to think twice if ever you ask me to marry you.”

“I’ve never asked anyone yet,” he said.

“Oh, pardon me for being so forward!” She had regained her poise, was cool and slightly mocking again. “I’m so used to being asked, I just take it for granted.”

He grinned, losing his dark mood. “Let’s have dinner, before I take to beating you. I’m a patient man——”

“Like hell, you’re patient,” she said, and put her arm in his and smiled up at him: the dimples took all the cool mockery out of her face and made her young and lovely. He pressed her arm tightly against his body, feeling it like a soft link in a chain she was winding about him, and they walked up through the cool electric night, on the verge of love in the city that was just experiencing its first epidemic of lust.

When they had finished dinner she looked at her watch. “It’s still only twenty-past eight, a young night. What would you like to do now?”

“Go to bed with you,” he said, and somehow succeeded in making the words not so brutal and vulgar and selfish.

“With anyone else, that could have spoiled a lovely evening.” She reached across the table and put her hand on his: in the pressure of her fingers he could feel her desire answering his. “But I’m not going to any cheap hotel room. I’m not like my sister. I have a distaste for the sordid.”

“I have the loan of a flat at Manly.” He signalled for the waiter and tipped that surprised worthy as liberally as any American who had come into the place: everyone benefited from love, even waiters. “We’ll go down to the Quay and catch a ferry.”

He kissed her as they rode on the outside of the ferry, with the cool breeze stirring her hair like wisps of spun silver, and with a quartet at the rear of the ferry serenading the moon with the Maori Farewell. Behind them the city was dark in its brown-out, and as they crept out past the defence boom he had a sudden shivering feeling of unreality. His arm tightened about her.

“It’s hard to believe,” he said. “In Alex and Haifa and Beirut, yes. But not here.”

“I get scared stiff at times,” she said. “What if we should lose the war?”

The ferry was rolling now, meeting the swell coming in through the Heads. They were on the lee side of the boat, looking back up the moonlit harbour. Other ferries, dark as their own, crept like cats from shore to shore. Against the far stars the Bridge was like some great night-beast in mid-leap. Only an occasional shaded car light showed, peering furtively, then quickly disappearing. Then ahead of them they saw the dancing tops of the pine trees that identified Manly.

“Don’t let’s talk about losing,” he said. “There are more important things to think about to-night.”

“Spoken like a true man,” she said, and kissed him lightly.

Chapter Four (#ulink_7d7d9ce9-9e46-55c7-a36e-a96e9683c07e)

THIS TRIP to Katoomba looked as if it was going to be a waste of time. Greg lay on his back staring up at the ceiling and tried to remember what he’d imagined his homecoming would be like. Not the public homecoming, the photographers and the reporters and everyone congratulating him. That had been just as he’d expected it and there had been no disappointment there. But though he’d enjoyed it all, that wasn’t what he had come home for. He had come home to be with Sarah again, to revive the past and all he had remembered in the lonely nights overseas but the past hadn’t caught up with him and sometimes, like now, he felt as lonely as he had ever felt in the Middle East.

He lay beside her now and said, “What’s the matter, hon?”

“How do you mean?”

“You know how I mean. Have I got repulsive or something while I’ve been away?”

“No.”

“You used to like it once. What’s got into you?”

It was bright moonlight outside. A swathe of it, slanting through the window lay across the bed. Sarah too was lying on her back staring at the ceiling, unmoving as if asleep, and he had the feeling she was hardly listening to him. The side of her face towards him was in deep shadow and all he could see was the silhouette of her profile. She had a good face, especially in profile: there was character in the nose and chin, a hint that she could be depended upon.

“I’ve been wondering how to tell you,” she said at last. “Greg, I don’t love you any more.”

He heard her say the words quite distinctly and he knew what they meant: it wasn’t as if she had gabbled something in a foreign language. But he was so totally unprepared for what she had said, she might just as well have not spoken at all. He just lay looking at her, listening with the back of his mind to a woman laughing somewhere in the hotel.

Sarah turned her head on her pillow. “I suppose that’s a shock to you?”

He sat up, leaning on one elbow. “Don’t joke like that, Sarah!”

“I’m not joking, Greg.” Her voice was calm but definite: she had always known what she wanted to say. “I’m not in love with you any more.”

He reached up quickly and switched on the bed lamp. “When did this happen, for God’s sake? It’s bloody sudden. You didn’t say anything in your letters——”

“I didn’t think I should tell you while you were away. Somehow it wouldn’t have been fair.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when I first got back?”