Fractured Memory

His insistent litany became distant in her ears as she gathered up the pages. The details of her life laid out like a scrapbook for a killer. Her schedule. Where she went grocery-shopping. Where she volunteered. A picture of her grandfather and his assisted living center. Had her papa been put into danger because of her? Her throat tightened—her turtleneck like a gloved hand around her throat. As much as she loathed wearing it, the collar hid what she could not confront.

“Who is this person?” Her voice broke from clenched vocal cords.

Eli sighed. “At this point, there doesn’t seem to be an obvious candidate. Dr. Heller, who murdered several people and nearly killed you, is on death row. This is a copy. The original is in evidence. We’re examining it to see if it will give us clues as to who this person might be.”

“Where did it come from?”

“It was given anonymously to a local parole officer who then delivered it to the FBI. Can you look at these pictures of the other victims? We never found a strong tie between them and you other than a health-care background. Do you know any of these women?”

Julia glanced at the photos. Some did seem vaguely familiar, but none that she knew by name. She straightened the pages and handed them back to Eli. “I’m afraid I can’t help you. I don’t know if you’re aware, but I suffered a brain injury as a result of the hanging. I have post-traumatic amnesia. Any memories from the time of my attack until I went into rehab are gone. The next months are fuzzy and...” She brushed the tears from her eyes. Why did something she couldn’t remember traumatize her so deeply?

Eli covered her hand with his. Familiar again, unnerving yet protective at the same time. How could one touch be all those things?

She cleared her throat and continued. “I was sick for a long time. I’ve just gotten things back to normal. If there is such a thing after what I lived through.”

“Julia, what’s important right now is to get you somewhere safe. When we do that, hopefully we’ll have time to figure this out.”

Hopefully? His words didn’t instill confidence. The threat was serious and even he didn’t conclusively sound as though he could keep her safe. Was he depending on her remembering something she couldn’t?

“What are you asking me to do?”

“I’m asking you to come with me. We’re placing you in protective custody until we find the person who wants to kill you.”

TWO (#ulink_f70e8844-bb3e-5f35-adb0-88c1e41b35b4)

Julia pulled two suitcases from underneath her bed and laid them open on top of her hope chest. In that chest were many things she treasured from people close to her who had died. Her mother’s journal. Her father’s old baseball glove. Patchwork quilts her grandmother had sewn for great-grandchildren she would never know. Eli slid the Bible toward him and placed his index finger on the highlighted text.

“‘Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee. Yea, I will help thee. Yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’ Isaiah 41:10.”

Julia stilled and watched him smooth his hand over the crinkled pages. It unnerved her to hear his voice read something so intimate. Was he reading the notes she scribbled in the margin? Her most closely held thoughts? Those pages were worn with overuse. How often had she read this verse to herself to change her heart?

To help her believe that God could provide peace from the fear and worry that plagued her.

How could she get the Bible back without seeming to be trying to hide something from him?

“Do you believe in God?” she asked, holding out her hand.

He closed the Bible gently and held it out for her. “I do, but I have to admit I’m a little jealous.”

She pulled the book from his hand. “Of me? Why?”

“You seem...intimate...with those words.”

Ben, who had been leaning against her door frame, walked to the center of her bedroom. “Julia, you can’t bring anything that could potentially disclose your location. No cell phone. Nothing electronic. No computer. E-reader. We can’t take any chances.”

Julia put the Bible at the bottom of her suitcase. “How many days do you think I’ll be gone? I need to notify the hospital. I need to tell my grandfather something so he won’t worry.”

Ben neared her. “You can’t say anything that might give a hint that you’re being put in protective custody. Tell your grandfather you’re leaving on vacation and won’t be available by phone for a few days.”

“But I call him every evening.”

“You can’t,” Ben insisted. “Not for a while. I know it seems harsh, but it’s as much for your safety as it is for his.”

Eli eased Ben away from her with a nudge to his shoulder.

“Julia, I don’t want you to worry about your grandfather,” Eli reassured her. “I’ll personally ensure his safety. The marshals’ office will have someone keep eyes on him, as well.”

“Is there any other close family we should be concerned about?” Ben asked.

Julia turned away and walked to her closet. She couldn’t bear saying it. That she was alone in the world. Her parents were dead. No siblings.

“Ben, let me worry about Julia’s extended family. Like you said, this is my area of expertise.”

Had Eli said that to protect her from having to talk about her lack of a family? Did he know all about her past?

“Also, we’ll need a cover story for the hospital,” Ben said. “Perhaps you could tell them your grandfather has had a medical emergency and you need to go on a leave of absence. You don’t know when you’ll be back.”

With several items of clothing in her hands, she turned back to face them. “You have no idea how long I’ll be gone?”

Eli was the one who met her gaze. “We’ll try and resolve this matter as soon as we can, but we can’t give you a time frame. I’m sorry.”

“Can I have a few minutes alone?”

Eli motioned Ben out of the room. “Let’s give her some space.”

“I need to make some calls,” Julia said.

Eli nodded and closed the door behind him.

Julia neared the window that looked out over her backyard. She didn’t want this to be her life—to be forced to run when she finally found some measure of peace and purpose again. But hadn’t that been what she was doing psychologically by not attempting to fill in the pieces of those missing months? This was just the physical expression of what she’d done mentally for a long time. She had struggled to let the past be the past. Now it pursued her, and she wasn’t prepared to handle what could happen. And what piece of the puzzle did Eli hold? How did he fit?

She picked up the phone. “Papa?”

“Dear Julia. It’s early for you to be calling.”

Her grandfather’s voice calmed her nerves. “Papa, I don’t want you to worry, but I won’t be able to call for a while.”

“Why? What’s happened?”

“It’s not something I can talk about right now. Please, just know I’ll be in good hands.”

“Is everything all right? I don’t like how vague you’re being. It’s not like you to hide something from me.”

The tears fell freely. How her heart ached to not be able to disclose what was happening to the one man who’d given her everything. “It’s been a rough few days.”

“How so?”

“A child I took care of died. We couldn’t save him.”