Josephine Cox 3-Book Collection 1: Midnight, Blood Brothers, Songbird

In that crippling moment, he thought of everything he had suffered since his woman had gone. First, the raw shock of it all. Such pain. Such grief. And then the unending loneliness.

The trauma of losing her would never leave him. Grief and pain he had learned to live with. But the loneliness was the worst punishment of all.

Chapter Four (#ulink_f28c04a4-eea1-5175-b86b-d94886ab8948)

‘YOU’RE LUCKY THE specialist had a cancellation and could fit you in so quickly.’

‘Don’t be afraid to say it, Molly,’ Jack reminded her. ‘He’s a psychiatrist!’

‘Look, Jack! Don’t let’s go through all this again. Just go and see him. For my sake, if not for yours. Neither of us have had a good night’s sleep in ages!’

‘No need to get agitated, Moll. I haven’t said I won’t go and see him!’ Jack wondered what he might be letting himself in for, and he was not looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist. I think you’re over-reacting. I know I’ve kept you awake, but like I said, I’ll move into the spare room. It’s not a problem for me.’

Molly would not hear of it, ‘You’re wrong! It is a problem – for both of us!’ Snatching up the breakfast-plate, she slid it onto the sink-top. ‘I’ve told you before: sleeping in separate bedrooms would be the beginning of the end of our relationship.’

‘Huh! That’s not saying much for our relationship then, is it?’

‘We’re already drifting apart, Jack. I can’t help but wonder how long it will be before I’m out of your life altogether.’

‘That won’t happen. Not if I have anything to do with it.’

‘Look, Jack. I know it isn’t easy for you, but you must go and see him, even if it’s only to talk.’ She paused, recalling all the things he had told her, about the childhood drawings, and the dark images. ‘I don’t see what you see, when you’re dreaming,’ she conceded quietly, ‘but I’ve seen how the nightmares affect you. You have to talk with someone who might be able to help you. This is your chance, Jack,’ she coaxed. ‘What have you got to lose by keeping the appointment?’

When Jack gave no answer, Molly grew angry. ‘For pity’s sake, Jack! What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Then tell me!’

She placed her hands over his in a gesture of reassurance. ‘I’m frightened of losing you, Jack. I’m frightened that if you don’t get professional help, there might be no way back.’

Jack gave a harsh little laugh, ‘That’s a bit dramatic –no way back!’ He knew what she meant, but wouldn’t admit to it.

In truth, there were times when he thought the same. Lately, he found it increasingly difficult to cope.

‘JACK!’

Molly’s raised voice startled him.

‘Will you keep the appointment, or not?’

Collecting his plate and cup, Jack got out of the chair to place them in the sink. ‘Look,’ he explained, ‘if I seem reluctant to go, it’s just that I went through a lot of this stuff when I was a kid.’

He remembered it as if it was yesterday: the long hours in a stuffy room; the questions he found hard to answer; the fruitless tests and meaningless suggestions, and later the snide remarks from the other kids at school.

Afterwards, for a time the nightmares went away, but they soon came back, stronger than ever.

He had promised never to put himself in the hands of strangers again, so he learned to live with his fears. He became clever at putting on a front for his parents and teachers. When the dreams took him, and he woke with the darkness and the images still clinging to him, he would walk the floor of his bedroom until he was able to relax into a kind of shallow sleep. They never knew. And he never told them.

Consequently, the sessions with the child psychologist eventually stopped altogether. But not the dreams and not the darkness, because they were still there, in that other place. The place where his mind took him.

Over the ensuing years, he had hidden his secret well. Until Molly came into his life and began to sleep with him.

‘You win, Sweetheart.’ Walking over to the sink, he put his arms around her. ‘As soon as I get to the office, I’ll talk to the boss and arrange an extra-long lunchtime.’

‘Good! And I’ll do the same.’

‘Why would you do that?’ he asked defensively. ‘To check up on me? To make sure I get there, is that it?’ He did not want her too involved.

Molly protested, ‘No! It’s just so you won’t have to go on your own, that’s all.’

‘But that’s just it,’ Jack told her. ‘I want to go on my own.’

‘No! That’s not right. You need me there.’

‘Molly, listen to me. I prefer to be on my own.’ Sometimes, she was like a dog with a bone. ‘I don’t want to worry about you being there – if I freak out, or anything. You see, once the therapist starts digging into my brain, who knows how I might react? Like I said, I’ve been there before, so I know what I’m talking about.’

‘All the more reason for me to be there for you.’

‘No, Molly – the subject is closed. I appreciate the offer, but I’m going on my own, and that’s an end to it.’

‘All right, I’ll stay away – but if you want me, give me a call or text me, and I’ll be straight over.’

‘I can tell you now, I won’t be calling you. Like I say, I know what’s coming, and I’m probably better equipped to deal with it now I’m older.’

A short time later, they left the house. Within the hour, Jack had dropped her off at the estate agents in Woburn, before travelling on to the Bletchley showroom, where he clinched a deal with a longstanding customer.

‘You’ve made the right choice, Mr Gallagher.’ With the papers signed and the monies paid, Jack led the client outside, where the shiny new Lexus was parked and waiting.

‘I doubt there’ll be any problems.’ Handing over the car-keys, he then shook the buyer by the hand. ‘If you think of anything you’ve forgotten to ask, just give us a shout.’

The customer was a weasel of a man, but while he looked somewhat lost in such a big car, he appeared more than capable as he skilfully manoeuvred it out of a tight spot, before driving off at some speed.

Jack rubbed his hands. ‘Another satisfied customer,’ he thought, feeling very pleased with himself. ‘Another sizeable commission.’ But when he remembered his appointment in a couple of hours’ time, his sense of achievement fell away.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Jan the receptionist had noticed how he seemed on top of the world when he walked by her with the customer, and now he looked as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. ‘Lost one of your boy-toys, have you?’ she quipped. ‘Don’t be sad. There’s another delivery in today.’

‘That’s right.’ Jack gave her a cheeky wink. ‘One out, another in. Keeps the wheels turning, so they say.’

‘Oh, I see.’ She tutted. ‘So does that apply to women too – one out, another in?’

‘I never said that.’ He was used to her teasing.

As he hurried back to the office, she called after him, ‘At least when you sell a car, you can look forward to a commission! Not me, though. I smile and make the tea. I answer the phone, run about and take a lot of stick from you lot. But I get no commission.’

Jack leaned out of the office door, ‘Ah, but you get the unending gratitude of the team, and a big smile from yours truly. What else do you want?’

‘Do you really need me to tell you?’