Josephine Cox 3-Book Collection 1: Midnight, Blood Brothers, Songbird

‘No, it isn’t!’ Her quiet anger was fuelled by a pressing desire to get on with their lives. ‘You’re right. What’s happening is not fair – on either of us.’ It was time to say what she felt.

His silence made her feel guilty, but she continued: ‘It’s been going on for too long, and I’m afraid.’

‘Afraid?’ Jack thought it an odd thing for her to say. ‘Of what, exactly?’

‘The nightmares . . . the way they affect you. I’m afraid for you, Jack.’

She was also afraid for herself. Angry too. Why would he never listen to her?!

Jack remained quiet. He was used to her sudden bursts of anger, but this time he believed she was right to speak her mind.

‘You need help,’ she insisted, ‘Surely you can see that?’

Shrugging her off, Jack replied, ‘It was just a bad dream and now it’s gone – maybe for ever.’

Molly grew impatient. ‘You must see what’s happening to us! The nightmares . . . the lack of sleep, and the fear of where it’s all leading. We can’t go on like this – it’s eating into our lives. You have to see someone!’

Impatient, Jack moved away. ‘I’ve heard it all before, Molly. I don’t need to hear it again!’

‘Oh, but you do.’ Clambering up, she stood before him, deliberately blocking his way. ‘I see what it does to you, Jack, and this time it was worse than ever, because this time I was beginning to think I would not be able to bring you back. I was frightened, Jack. I was really frightened!’

‘You needn’t have been.’

Her voice shaking, Molly gave him a warning, ‘I can’t put up with this, Jack. Can’t you see? This thing is taking over! You can’t sleep and when you do, you go to a place where there is no rest, no peace, and sometimes lately when I talk to you, you’re not even listening. You’re back there somewhere . . . lost in a place I can’t go.’

‘Oh, now you really are talking rubbish!’

But Jack knew she was right. Sometimes in the evening, when he sat down after a hard day at work, he felt himself drifting into the darkness. Up until now, he had not realised Molly was aware of it.

‘Jack?’

‘Yes?

In a stern voice Molly told him what was on her mind. ‘These nightmares . . . the lack of proper sleep – it’s only a matter of time before it affects your work, and mine too.’

Jack was adamant. ‘That won’t happen!’

‘But it could!’ Molly was relentless. ‘I mean, it’s definitely beginning to affect our relationship.’

In that moment, a sobering thought came to her. ‘Oh my God! Maybe it’s not the nightmares or lack of sleep that’s taking you from me!’

‘What d’you mean?’ Jack was shaken. ‘Nothing is taking me from you!’

‘Don’t fob me off, Jack! Every time I raise the question of marriage, you’re full of excuses. You need to save more money first, or you want to wait until I’m absolutely sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, I can tell you now, I’m beginning to think you want rid of me but you don’t have the guts to tell me, so then you worry, and the worry plays on your mind and you have these bad dreams. That’s the truth of it, isn’t it?’

‘No!’ He was genuinely shocked. ‘No, it isn’t, and I can’t believe you’re even thinking that.’

‘So what am I supposed to think? Tell me, Jack. I mean, we don’t talk at any great length, do we? We don’t even go out any more. We don’t have friends back – and we haven’t made love in weeks! Can you blame me for thinking you don’t want me any more?’

Wrapping his capable hands about her small shoulders, he drew her closer, ‘I love you as much as ever. You’re a very special part of my life, and always will be.’ He kissed her full and longingly on the mouth. ‘You and me, we belong together,’ he whispered. ‘I knew it from the start.’

‘Do you really mean that?’

‘You know I do, Molly, and like I say . . . I’m really sorry for putting you through all that – the nightmares and lack of sleep. Making you think I didn’t want you any more.’

Gently moving away from him, she sat on the edge of the bed. ‘It’s not just the nightmares,’ she mumbled. ‘It’s the fact that you won’t do anything about them.’

‘There’s no need. They’ll probably go away in time.’ Deliberately ignoring his protest, Molly went on, ‘The trouble is, you can’t see what I can see.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means that when you’re inside the nightmare, you make these weird little sounds, like you can’t breathe, and you lash out violently, as though fending off some kind of attack – as if there’s something that means to harm you. What is it, Jack? What fills you with such terror?’

Jack looked away. ‘I don’t know.’

‘So, do you want to know?’ Molly’s anger bubbled to the surface. ‘Do you want answers?’

He shrugged. ‘I just want to be rid of the nightmares.’

‘What if they’re not nightmares?’

‘What d’you mean?’

Molly searched for the right words. ‘I’m not sure, but maybe you should get a medical. Maybe it’s something to do with the brain?’

‘No medical.’

Agitated, he got up and went to stand beside her. ‘Listen to me. I know you’re worried for me, and I’m sure the lack of sleep is beginning to affect you too. So I was thinking, maybe the answer is for us to sleep in separate rooms, at least for now?’

‘I don’t want to sleep in separate rooms,’ Molly snapped angrily, ‘unless I was right just now, and you really do want to be rid of me. What’s the plan, Jack? Get me out of your bed then the next move is out the door. Is that it?’

Jack grew agitated. ‘Look, all I’m saying is, we’re both getting ratty, and it’s my fault.’

‘So get checked out.’

‘OK then, yes – I will.’

‘When?’

He gave a shrug, ‘When I find the time.’

‘In other words, never.’

When Molly began to push him further, he backed off. ‘I’d best get ready for work. I don’t want to be late again.’

‘I’m not letting this drop,’ she warned him. ‘I mean it!’

‘I can see that.’