The Broken Man

Phil’s heart went out to the boy. He knew the situation could never work, and besides, it wasn’t right – not for him and not for Adam. And yet he was made to ponder what alternative there might be.

‘Listen to me, son …’ Sidling closer to Adam, he spoke in a whisper. ‘It seems they think I’m your granddad, but you and I know that is not the case.’

‘We don’t need to tell them, though, do we, Phil? You can still pretend to be my granddad … until Mum comes home.’ His voice shook with emotion. ‘Please, Phil … please!’

Phil felt torn. ‘I’m sorry, son,’ he said, being sensible, ‘I don’t know as I can move into your father’s house. It would be wrong of me, and what if your father comes back? Like as not he’ll have me arrested, and who could blame him?’

‘All right! I’ll come to your house and stay with you.’

‘Aw, son … I don’t know.’ Phil was growing more unsettled by the minute. ‘It’s a bad situation. I don’t want to think on it right now, not until we see how it goes with your mother.’

‘This is all Father’s fault, isn’t it?’

‘I don’t know, son. I’m not altogether party to the facts.’ Wisely, Phil was reluctant to commit himself to such far-reaching accusations.

‘It’s true, Phil!’ Adam spelled it out: ‘He’s always hitting her, and she never tells anyone. And now he’s hurt her so bad, he’s got frightened and run away. He should be locked up for ever!’

Phil didn’t really know what to believe, except what he had seen for himself today. And, talking about his father’s brutal treatment of his mother, Adam seemed genuinely afraid.

Phil now voiced his own concerns. ‘There’s a possibility that you could be wrong about what happened. Maybe they had an argument and there really was a terrible accident, and if that’s the case, your father will be worried sick when he gets home. I know one thing for sure, though, he will not be best pleased to see me and my dog taking up residence in his house. After all, I’m not even a relative. I’m just the driver of the school bus who’s got himself caught up in a shocking accident—’

‘It wasn’t an accident! He did it, I know he did!’

‘Sssh!’ Phil instructed Adam, slightly unnerved. ‘Like I say, just now, it’s best not to talk about it too much. Let’s just wait and see how things go. We’ll have a better picture of the situation once the doctor tells us what’s happening. Until then, however difficult it is, we have to be patient.’ He looked the boy in the eye. ‘Agreed?’

With a reluctant nod of the head, Adam had little choice but to agree. ‘When Mum comes home, everything will be all right, though, won’t it, Phil?’

‘Let’s hope so, eh?’ Phil was well aware of the seriousness of this situation.

‘Adam?’ Phil asked.

‘Yes, Phil?’ Adam looked up.

‘I have an idea to pass the time.’ The child’s small, anxious face made Phil immensely sad. ‘Do you know what I was just thinking?’

‘No.’

‘Well, I was thinking how you and me could say a little prayer for your mum. What d’you think?’

‘Oh, yes, please, Phil, I’d like that.’ The tears brimmed over. ‘Do you think it might help Mum to get better? I so much want her to come home. She will, won’t she, Phil?’ Throwing his arms round Phil’s neck, he hugged him so hard that Phil found it difficult to breathe.

Phil held him at arm’s length. ‘Listen to me, Adam. Even if we say a prayer it doesn’t mean that everything will come right. It doesn’t always work like that. All I’m saying is, at certain bad times in my own life, I’ve always found a deal of comfort in saying a little prayer; hoping that somebody up there in the Heavens might be listening, and that somehow they would try and help. The thing is, sometimes, however much they might want to help, they just can’t do it, and we will never know the reason for that. D’you understand what I’m saying?’

‘If you said a prayer, why did they not help you?’

Phil took a deep breath. ‘Well, it seems they weren’t able to give what I really asked for, but they did help me … a little.’

‘In what way?’

Phil was beginning to wish he had never started this, because the painful memories were flooding back. ‘Well, you see, when my dear wife was very ill, I prayed for the Lord to make her better …’ Composing himself, he went on in subdued tones: ‘Sadly, my prayers were not answered, because that was not to be. Thankfully, though, they did stop her pain and I was grateful for that. Maybe she had to leave me, because she had important work to do in Heaven. Maybe someone up there needed her far more than I did.’ Though he could not imagine how that might be, because for almost thirty years she was his world. His reason for living.

And now he had to stop tormenting himself, or the boy would see him cry and that would never do.

Adam’s angry voice penetrated his thoughts: ‘So, you said a prayer and asked for her to get better, then she died and you were sad. I think that was cruel.’

Phil nodded. ‘It was cruel for me, yes, because I miss her every waking moment. But in a way, it was not too cruel for her, because you see, she was no longer in pain. Maybe she would never have got better, and that was why the Good Lord stopped her suffering. Yes, you’re right in one way, because she was taken away from me, and I miss her. But I have so many wonderful memories to keep me warm.’

‘You loved her very much, didn’t you, Phil?’

Phil simply nodded.

‘Did you love her as much as I love my mum?’

‘Oh, yes. I’m sure I did. Y’see, we were together for a very long time.’

‘So, did she say a prayer as well?’

‘Well, I don’t know for sure, because if she did send up a prayer, she never told me. Maybe her pain was so bad, she prayed for it to be gone, and in their wisdom, and because it was her that was in pain and not me, they decided to grant her wish instead of mine. That’s fair enough … don’t you think?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Me neither, son, but we have to believe it was the only way.’

His life was not the same since losing his one and only love, and as long as he lived, it would never be the same again. Like it or not, he had to accept the situation.

He returned to his question: ‘So, knowing that you can’t always have your wish granted, do you still want us to say a little prayer for your mum?’

The boy smiled through his tears. ‘Yes, but I only know the one that Mum used to say before I went to sleep.’

‘Right, then!’ Phil was glad to have diverted the boy’s attention. ‘Only you’ll need to tell me what it is.’

Adam remembered it well. ‘When I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep …’

‘Ah, yes, that’s a good prayer. I like that. We’ll say it together … quietly.’

As they shared the prayer, they had no idea that someone else was listening. Someone who had also heard every word of their conversation.

An auxilary nurse had stopped to stack the linen cupboard next to the visitors’ room where Phil and Adam were quietly talking. The dividing wall was thin and she had innocently overheard every word of their intimate conversation.

Some of what she had overheard was shocking, especially regarding the father. Then the fact that the boy had no relatives, except a brutal father who had left the mother battered … seemingly to within an inch of her life. Unbelievably, after the event, he had callously abandoned his son to whatever fate awaited him; knowing he had no one to turn to.

Having been made aware of this important information, which she suspected may not have been made available to the duty nurse, she was unsure of what to do. Eventually, torn between compassion and her sworn responsibility, she concluded that there was really no choice at all. She softly closed the wide cupboard doors and made her way down the corridor at a smart pace. In view of Mrs Carter’s life-threatening injuries, she realised there was not a moment to lose.

As the auxilary nurse arrived at the door of the main office, the matron entered the room where Phil and Adam were impatiently waiting for news.

‘How is she?’ Phil enquired.

‘She’s out of surgery,’ the matron said. ‘Mr Hendon is a very reputable surgeon. I can assure you no one could have done better. He will answer all your questions, I’m sure, but for the moment he’s been called away to advise on another emergency. He needs to speak with you, and of course he’s aware you will have questions, so I’m sure he won’t be too long.’