The Age of Misadventure

‘We’ll make sure Adie doesn’t know where we’re going. The plan is to drive north for a bit, to take money from a bank and a cashpoint in Edinburgh, so that we put him off the scent. You text him you’re going to the airport there, Bonnie. He’ll believe you because we’ll leave a trail of evidence. Adie’ll follow you north. We’ll have a rest in Edinburgh for a few hours, then join the M1, find a bed and breakfast or a hotel off the motorway, where we can sleep properly and recharge our batteries.’

‘Edinburgh? I thought we were going to Brighton?’ Jade’s eyes blaze.

‘We are going to Brighton. Via Edinburgh.’

‘That’s mad, Mum. This whole thing is ridiculous.’

I hope my daughter doesn’t wake Nanny, who’s snoring.

‘It’s just a few hours, Jade. Bonnie can’t risk Adie following us.’

‘Then what?’ Jade’s voice is sulky: she’s tired and, just as she did when she was a child, she becomes moody.

‘Then we’ll go on to Brighton. You can meet up with Luis and we’ll lose ourselves somewhere, find a place to stay for a bit until we can sort all this mess out with Adie.’

Jade tuts loudly. ‘You’re not staying with Luis and me. Couldn’t you just drop me off and go somewhere else? East Anglia? Or Cornwall. That’s a long way away.’

I decide to say nothing. She must already feel that I’m trying to be a gooseberry. And it’s true: it’s a case of two birds with one stone. Bonnie’ll be safe from Adie and I’ll check my daughter isn’t moving in with a rampant Lothario. She turns a shoulder away from me, sulking.

It’s half past five, but the traffic’s starting to build. I turn onto the motorway and glance at other cars, to see if Adie’s following us. Several heavy lorries lumber past. I blink to keep alert. The sky is tinged with pink and the light gradually lifts the darkness away.

Nanny and Bonnie nod off on each other’s shoulder and Jade keeps me awake by talking non-stop about Luis and his footballing history.

After an hour and a half we’re on the outskirts of Leeds, and I know the age and background of every member of Luis’ family, his team and all the details and permutations of the offside rule. She plies me with coffee from the flask and I drive into a dappled crimson dawn. The wheels thrum on the tarmac and the dancing red brake lamps swirl in front of me, blurring away into the distance. I yawn. Jade puts rock music on the radio and the powerful sounds of The Disturbed fizz through my brain and my focus improves. My limbs feel heavy and my ankle on the accelerator aches with stiffness.

It’s well past past eleven o’clock as we drive through the Old Town part of Edinburgh. It’s a beautiful city and I wish I was awake enough to enjoy it. I concentrate on the shuffling traffic. Jade’s in a bad mood; she’s turned away from me and she’s texting with a passion. I pull up outside an ATM, lean over to the back seat and shake Bonnie awake.

‘We’re here.’

She sighs and opens one eye. ‘Brighton?’

‘Edinburgh. Bonnie, have you got your bank card, the one from your joint account with Adie?’

She looks puzzled. ‘Yes …’

‘Right. The maximum you can take out is £300. When the bank opens, you can take another £500 over the counter.’

‘I thought you had money from the till, Georgie?’ She’s still half asleep.

‘I do. It’ll keep us going for a while. But if Adie traces the transaction, which he will, and he thinks we’re heading north, then we’ll send him the wrong way if he decides to follow us. And the £800 will be useful when we’re in Brighton.’

‘So why aren’t we going further into Scotland then?’ Bonnie frowns. ‘I’ve never been to the north of Scotland. It’s supposed to be really nice there.’

‘It’s not a holiday. We’re going to Brighton. I’ve arranged to be with Luis. I’m moving in with him. I’m not going to the north of bloody Scotland.’

Jade folds her arms and I instantly worry that I’ll lose her. We’ve been so close and I wonder what Luis must be like, to be able to lure her away, and if it’s only a glamour thing, a passing fancy. I clamp my lips together to stay silent.

‘I need breakfast. I’m hungry.’ Nan’s awake, her voice sharp and insistent.

‘Okay,’ I sigh.

I feel like a frazzled mum, trying to cope with a badly behaved group of youngsters. But this crazy situation was my idea and I focus sharply on the purpose of it, keeping my mind on the prize. I’ll be with Jade, making sure my daughter isn’t throwing her life away on some frivolous relationship, and, in the same smart move, my sister’ll be miles away from her devious, cheating husband.

I wave my hands, all smiles. ‘I’ll find us a café after Bonnie’s been to the ATM, then we’ll come back when the bank’s open. Are you all fine with that?’

By half past twelve, Nan’s finished a hearty breakfast and everyone else has pushed away food they’ve hardly touched. Jade’s in a foul mood.

We drive ten miles out of Edinburgh and I find a quiet car park and pull in. Nanny’s slurping the dregs of a chocolate milkshake through a straw. Bonnie immediately takes out her mirror and checks her make-up. Jade turns an angry face to me.

‘What are we doing?’

‘I need to sleep, Jade. I’m really tired.’

She blows air through her mouth. ‘Oh, for God’s sake. Why don’t I drive for a bit?’

‘I’m not keen on you driving, Jade. It’s a long journey and you’re not used to this car. I’d rather drive.’ The excuse sounds weak in my mouth. ‘I’ll just sleep for a few hours. I’ll be fine.’

I keep my thoughts to myself. I wish we could go north, have a fun time in Scotland, the four of us. It’d be lovely to have a break together. I consider suggesting it, but she’s already impatient to go south. Once Jade’s in Brighton, in Luis’ flat, I won’t see so much of her.

She breathes out a loud sigh and goes back to her phone. I snuggle down in the seat and close my eyes. The radio rattles and I think about switching it off. The midday news comes on and I listen, half expecting a story about Adie. It’s the usual politics and sport.

As I start to drift off, I hear Bonnie saying, ‘I wonder what Adie’s doing now.’

Nan says, ‘Good riddance.’

There’s a pause, then Bonnie sniffs. ‘Demi’ll be in Thailand. I’d like to go to Thailand.’

Jade huffs. ‘I’d like to go to Brighton.’

There’s a sniff at the back. Bonnie’s tearful. ‘Do you think I’ll ever see Adie again?’

Nanny’s voice is firm. ‘He needs sorting out, that Adrian Carrick. No man should cheat on his wife. Wilf and I were married for fifty years and some. He never looked at another woman.’ She giggles. ‘Except once.’

Bonnie cheers up. ‘What happened, Nan?’

Nan’s laughing; I can sense her rocking backwards and forwards and I know her eyes hold an evil expression.

‘We were in The Bluebell with your mam and dad. It was New Year’s Eve and I’d had a couple of port and lemons. This drunken woman kept waving mistletoe in Wilfie’s face, pursing her big red lips, trying to get him to kiss her. I was livid.’

Jade’s suddenly interested. ‘What did you do?’

‘I followed her to the toilets, got her by the scruff of her neck and told her to keep her hands off my Wilf or I’d poke her eyes out.’

Bonnie laughs. Her voice is too high.

‘Then I got Wilf home and I asked him if he fancied her. He’d been on the whisky and he said he thought she had nice legs, so without thinking, I slapped him in the face with a smelly dishcloth.’

Jade’s mouth must be hanging wide open. ‘Nanny …!’