Julia Williams 3 Book Bundle

‘Let’s just say that I am not Richard’s favourite person, right now,’ said Kezzie, ‘and I think he’d be very unlikely to help.’

‘Shame,’ said Joel, who still couldn’t quite see what the problem was. ‘We’ll have to find another way. Do you fancy a lift home?’

‘That would be great,’ said Kezzie. ‘Thanks.’

Lauren was working behind the bar at the Labourer’s Legs, and so, for the first time, was Troy. She’d been very nervous to start with, spilling drinks, and pouring duff pints, but as the evening wore on, she grew more relaxed in Troy’s presence. To her surprise, he didn’t try anything on and was gently solicitous with her all evening. He cracked jokes, helped her change the barrel, fended off the more leery of the pub goers, and in short made her session behind the bar far more interesting and fun than normal. He even noticed how much Sally took her for granted.

‘You should stand up to them,’ he said. ‘You’re too dedicated. They take advantage of your good nature.’

‘Yeah, well I need the job,’ said Lauren drily, and he had the grace to look embarrassed.

When they got rid of the last customer at 11.20, Troy persuaded her to sit down with a drink while he cleared up. As Lauren often didn’t get away beyond midnight, she let herself be persuaded. It felt relaxing to be sitting in a pub with Troy again. She was reminded of the early days in their relationship, when Troy seemed like the most exciting thing that had ever happened to her. She remembered the thrill of his presence, and the way just a touch of his hand used to send chills up her spine. Troy would come round and take her dancing at midnight, or get her out of bed to drive to the seaside, just for the day.

Those days had been heady and giddy with love and desire. She had never met anyone like Troy, and no one had ever made her feel the way he did. She was dizzy with love, and nothing else had mattered except being with him. The years of responsibility with the twins had changed her, she realized with a jolt. It was a long time since she’d done anything just for her. And she missed the freedom she had had. Despite her reservations about being with Troy, she felt easy in his company, and allowed him to buy her another spritzer, though she insisted that she had to be home for midnight.

‘I’ve got to get up in the morning, don’t forget,’ she said, taking a sip of her drink.

‘I could stay over and look after Sam for you,’ said Troy.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ said Lauren. ‘You don’t get back in that easy.’

‘It’s worth a try,’ said Troy with a grin, and Lauren looked away, feeling uncomfortable. It was all very well sitting here having a drink with him, but she didn’t want to encourage him.

‘Stop flirting with me,’ she said.

‘I’m not flirting,’ he said. ‘Why, do you want me to?’

‘No!’ said Lauren. ‘I’m happy as I am.’

‘Are you? Really?’ Troy leant over and touched her hand.

A tingle went up her spine. Dammit. She couldn’t believe he could still have that effect on her. She snatched her hand away.

‘I’m fine. More than fine. Blissfully happy in fact.’

‘Ah well, if you say so,’ said Troy in disbelieving tones.

‘I do say so,’ said Lauren. ‘And even if I weren’t, it wouldn’t mean I’d be coming back to you.’

‘Shame,’ said Troy.

‘Cut it out,’ said Lauren. ‘I’m pleased you’re back, for the girls’ sake. I’m grateful for your help tonight, but you and me – it’s just not going to happen. So get used to it.’

‘If you say so,’ Troy said again.

‘I do,’ said Lauren firmly. ‘And now I’m going home. Be seeing you.’

She got up, annoyed that she’d been so rattled by him. Because he was right. Tonight, being with Troy had reminded her of why she had fallen for him in the first place. Feelings she thought long dead were resurfacing. She couldn’t afford them to, and nor was she going to let them. Getting back with Troy was a foolish pipe dream and she would never let it happen.

Kezzie hesitated as Joel drew up outside her cottage.

‘Have you got time – would you like to come in for coffee?’

Joel looked at his watch.

‘I promise no dope this time,’ she said.

‘Oh go on, just a quick one,’ he said. ‘I’ve got Claire’s mum sitting tonight, so I don’t want to be late for her.’

‘Do you see a lot of Claire’s parents?’ said Kezzie, as she opened the front door and led him into the kitchen.

‘Not as much as I’d like,’ said Joel, taking his coat off, and slinging it over a chair. ‘They’ve been great. They live about an hour away, and they come over when they can. My mum’s got Parkinson’s, so unfortunately she can’t help me as much as she’d like; it’s been brilliant having the back-up.’

Kezzie turned on the kettle, and grabbed two cups from the cupboard. ‘You don’t take sugar do you?’

Joel shook his head.

‘It must be really hard for them,’ Kezzie continued. ‘I mean, I’m not saying it’s been easy for you, but losing a child – that must be terrible.’

‘I know,’ said Joel. ‘So it makes me really happy to see how much pleasure Marion gets when she’s with Sam. He’s kept us all going really.’

He looked so sad when he said this that Kezzie instinctively leant over and touched his arm.

‘It will get better, eventually,’ she said, knowing she was mouthing platitudes.

‘Will it?’ Joel looked bleak. ‘There are days when I think I’ll never get over losing Claire. And then I think I deserve that.’

‘What makes you say that?’ Kezzie was shocked.

Joel leant against the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

‘The truth is, Kezzie, and I’ve never told anyone this – not even Lauren – I’m a fraud. Everyone feels sorry for me, the poor widower, bringing up his son alone. But I don’t really deserve their pity.’

Kezzie gave Joel his coffee, and sat down next to him, putting a consoling arm round his shoulder.

‘Don’t be daft,’ she said, ‘of course you do. You’re coping really well with a rotten situation.’

‘I deserve it,’ said Joel.

‘No one deserves something like this to happen to them,’ said Kezzie firmly, squeezing his arm.

‘No?’ said Joel. ‘I was a lousy husband to Claire, and a useless dad to Sam. There isn’t a day goes by when I wish I’d done things differently.’

‘What did you do that was so bad?’

‘I wasn’t there for Claire when she needed me,’ said Joel. ‘I can see that now. But at the time I thought Claire wasn’t interested. She was so wrapped up in the baby it was as if I didn’t exist. It’s pathetic for a grown man to admit, but I was jealous.’ He laughed hollowly. ‘How crap is that. Being jealous of a baby?’

‘Isn’t that quite common?’ said Kezzie. ‘I know Richard said the same when his daughter was born, but he got over it and you would have. You didn’t know Claire was going to die.’