Last Christmas

Satisfied that her children were all well, she snuck back to her husband and undressed silently in the darkness. Noel’s snoring had slowed down to more rhythmic breathing. She knew from past experience that he was so deeply asleep he’d need a bomb to wake him up. The feelings of contentment dissipated as she climbed into bed next to him. Noel moved towards her in his sleep, but otherwise didn’t stir. Cat shut her eyes feeling defeated and lost. One day her life would run on an even keel. One day…

Gabriel strode through the frosty fields that clung around the edges of the hills surrounding Hope Christmas, a cold wind whipping through him. One of his sheep had gone missing and he’d been up early looking for her. Pippa, as ever, had stepped into the breach with Stephen but, having found his errant sheep stuck flat on her back in a ditch, her pregnancy making it difficult for her to get up, Gabriel was now in a hurry to get back so he could at least take Stephen to school. Some days he found the weight of responsibility so crushing he didn’t know how much longer he could stagger under it.

‘If you still had a proper job…’ Eve had been wont to cry. She never fully understood what had prompted him to ‘drop everything’, as she put it, and leave his comfortable job as a marketing consultant, which he had loathed, to retrain at agricultural college so he could take over the running of the farm from his father. How to explain that it was in his blood? He’d grown up farming sheep and had only left it behind because his parents feared for the future of their industry and had wanted him to have a job with more security. But Gabriel had never really taken to city life and had always known that one day he’d go back. When his parents announced their retirement it seemed like the perfect time to do so. He’d loved it from the first, but Eve had never settled.

‘If you could be a proper wife…’ had often been on his lips, but he’d never been cruel enough to say it. Eve, his poor little Evie, couldn’t help who or what she was. She’d never been cut out for country living and found the life oppressive. Everyone had warned him he couldn’t change her, but Gabriel had been too stubborn to listen, and now he was paying the price.

Where was she? How was she managing without him? He hadn’t heard from her in weeks and the sense of loss was still so raw that the pain caught him short sometimes, and he’d find himself blinking away sudden tears that came when he least expected them. Shit. He had to be stronger about this. Stephen needed him. Gabriel couldn’t afford to let him down.

Mind you, sometimes his son showed such astonishing strength, Gabriel had to pinch himself to work out who was the child and who was the parent. Stephen seemed to have a knack for knowing just when Gabriel was hurting most, and would sometimes come up and hold his hand, and say, ‘It’s okay, Dad’ in a way that tore at Gabriel’s heart. It was at such moments Gabriel’s sympathies for Eve’s suffering would evaporate and be replaced with cold, harsh fury. How could she have done this to them?

The fury returned briefly as Gabriel strode across the frozen wastes of the land thinking of the life that he’d so badly wanted to share with her. It didn’t seem fair. None of it did.

‘I think you’ll find life isn’t very fair,’ a voice greeted Gabriel, as he approached the stile leading to the lane that ran down the side of his house.

‘What?’ Gabriel jerked himself back to the real world to find himself staring into the welcoming smile of Ralph Nicholas, out walking his dog. Where had he sprung from so suddenly and silently?

‘Jeez. I must be going mad,’ said Gabriel. ‘I’m talking to myself now. Sorry.’

‘No matter,’ said Ralph. ‘I know you have a lot to deal with.’

‘How?’ Gabriel was a little more belligerent than he meant to be. He was uncomfortably aware that his family situation was the talk of the town and hated being the centre of attention. He’d barely ever spoken to Ralph Nicholas, who hardly spent any time in Hope Christmas anymore. How on earth did he know what was going on in Gabriel’s life?

‘There’s not much that happens in this village that I don’t know about,’said Ralph.‘Incidentally,do you think it unfair when a fox gets one of your sheep?’

‘No,’ said Gabriel, ‘because I do everything I can to prevent that. If a fox catches a sheep, it’s usually bad luck.’

‘And if you’ve done everything you can to help your wife,’ said Ralph, ‘don’t you think you should just accept there’s nothing you can do for her? Some people cannot, or will not, be helped. It’s just bad luck.’

Gabriel looked at Ralph in astonishment. How had this relative stranger plumbed the depths of his heart so conclusively? He’d never even talked to Pippa about how he really felt about Eve.

‘I feel I’ve failed her,’ said Gabriel slowly. ‘I wanted to look after her and I couldn’t.’

‘But you can look after your son,’ pointed out Ralph. ‘I’ve always found a new hobby very helpful for a broken heart.’

‘I don’t have time for hobbies,’ said Gabriel.

‘Well, maybe it’s not a hobby you need,’ said Ralph. ‘But perhaps you could use the considerable talents you have for protection into something that you can do something about.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Look around you,’ said Ralph, encompassing Gabriel’s fields and the hills they bordered with a sweep of his arm. ‘We take all this for granted. Assume the immutability of it all. But nothing stays the same forever. In case you hadn’t noticed, Hope Christmas is under threat. There are moves afoot to change all this.’

‘What’s that got to do with me?’ said Gabriel. ‘What can I do?’

‘I’d say the post office is as good a place to start as any,’ said Ralph. He whistled loudly and his dog, a grey wolfhound, came lolloping up to them. ‘Best be off then,’ he said.

Gabriel walked on down the lane, shaking his head. He’d heard Ralph Nicholas was eccentric, but not that he was so utterly barking. What did that mad old man know anyway? No one was planning to do anything to Hope Christmas. Why would anyone want to destroy something as beautiful as this? Ralph Nicholas must have got it wrong. And, even if he hadn’t, Gabriel had enough problems right now without worrying about the future of his village.

Gabriel strode on down the lane to Pippa’s house, where Stephen was contentedly munching his Cheerios.

‘Shall I take them in today for you?’ he asked his cousin, who was looking distinctly harassed.

‘Would you?’ she said. ‘Lucy isn’t too well today. It would be a great help.’

‘It’s my pleasure,’ said Gabriel, and it was. He chased Stephen and his cousins down the lane to school, whooping and laughing as he pretended to be a monster chasing after them, and a pale weak winter sun emerged from behind the cold grey clouds. It gave him heart somehow. Maybe his future wasn’t so bleak after all.

Chapter Three (#ulink_f80f1ee6-4339-5d5c-ac82-147e82115ded)

‘Ah, Mrs Tinsall. Thank you for taking the trouble to ring me back.’ The voice of the school secretary boomed down the phone, bristling with disapproval that she was speaking to a mother who actually went out to work. Cat had taken advantage of a break in proceedings during the discussion of the cover design for the June issue of Happy Homes to check on her messages and clocked to her dismay that she’d missed a call from school. It always panicked her when the school rang.

‘No problem,’ said Cat, her heart racing. Why was the school ringing her at 3.45? Mum had offered to go and get the kids for her so that she could go to the meeting, Magda claiming her injured finger prevented her from carrying bags and holding the children’s hands to cross the road. ‘Is dangerous, Cat-er-ine,’ she’d said in the annoying singsong voice she always used when she wanted to get out of something. ‘I do not want to be danger to the children.’

‘I have your children sitting in my office,’ said the secretary, ‘and I was just wondering if someone was planning to come and pick them up any time soon.’

‘What?’ Cat went cold all over. It was her worst nightmare. It would take her at least an hour to get back, even if Bev (who was gesturing to her to wind up the call) let her go.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she was gabbling now. ‘My mother was supposed to come. Oh God. Erm. I’ll try and ring her. See where she is.’

‘I’d appreciate it if you did,’ said the secretary, not noted for her diplomatic skills, ‘I’m not paid to babysit your children.’

Cat put the phone down and said to Bev,‘I’m really sorry, this won’t take a minute, can you excuse me?’

Bev rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t be long.’

Cat went into the corridor and punched in her mum’s number. She was shaking like a leaf. Suppose Mum was ill? Or had had a fall? She was normally fit and healthy, but Cat had to remind herself from time to time that her capable mother was now seventy-three. Something must have happened to prevent her from picking the children up. She never made mistakes like that.

On the third ring, her mother picked up. ‘Hello,’ she said.

‘Mum, are you okay?’

‘Well, of course I am,’ said Mum. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘I was worried about you,’ said Cat, trying to remain calm. ‘You haven’t picked the kids up from school.’

‘What?’said Mum.‘That was today? I thought you wanted me to do it tomorrow.’

‘No, Mum,’ sighed Cat, ‘I rang last night and said today.’

‘You said tomorrow,’ replied Mum tetchily.

‘I did?’ said Cat, convinced that she hadn’t got it wrong.

‘Yes, you definitely said it was tomorrow,’ said Mum. ‘I even wrote it down.’

‘Sorry, my mistake then,’ said Cat, trying to make light of it, but seething inside. She felt guilty about feeling so cross with Mum, who rarely let her down, but panic was making her agitated. ‘Can you get there now? The school are pretty frantic and I’m stuck in a meeting.’

‘I’ll be there in ten minutes,’ her mother promised.