Renegade

Though Tracy’s sister hadn’t been Riley’s girlfriend for long, she’d been close enough to be able to hazard a guess about his motives. Besides, she must have cared a lot for Riley back then. If this new association provoked a single hurt feeling in her sister, Tracy would turn down the job. If Booker wanted to penalize her for protecting a family member, then so be it. She’d keep plodding along at the job she already had.

Listening intently, Tracy heard Hannah singing along to her audiotape. The timing was good. After punching in the string of numbers that would ring Karen’s posh apartment in San Diego, Tracy listened to the phone ring twice and hoped the time difference would put Alan, her brother-in-law, on his after-work jog.

Karen’s voice came on the line, offering a cool hello.

“Hi, Karen. Is this a good time to talk?”

“It’s a great time.” Her sister’s voice warmed.

“Is Alan out running?”

“No, he’s working late.” Karen chuckled. “I’m lounging on the sofa with a glass of wine and a gossip magazine.”

“Sounds relaxing.”

“Yes.” In one syllable, her sister’s voice cooled again. Tracy knew her sister was still nervous about this marriage. Alan provided well for Karen, but he could be controlling. Although Karen seemed willing to comply with his rigid demands for dinner at a specified time, a spotless house and careful upkeep of their clothing, Tracy wondered if her older sister was truly happy. Picturing the handsome but stern man she’d met only once, Tracy asked the question she worried about often: “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. How’s Mom?”

“Better every day.” Tracy carried the phone to her night table in the opposite corner of the bedroom. “She has a new neighb—”

“Hang on,” her sister interrupted.

Tracy heard the closing of a door, followed by a man’s deep voice. Alan must have arrived home. If Tracy guessed correctly, Karen had stuffed her magazine under the sofa cushion and was rushing to the door for a kiss and her husband’s approval.

Tracy stretched across her bed to wait. Evening light slanted across the foot of the bed, illuminating a scattering of stuffed animals Hannah had left there earlier. Alan probably wouldn’t allow a child to play in his room, but Tracy enjoyed her daughter’s company. She was reminded of the main reason she was a single mom. Finding the right man seemed a formidable task. Too many women settled for good enough and hung on despite a lasting discontent. Others, like her sister, kept starting over.

Tracy had given up her prerogative to make that sort of mistake when she’d adopted a child. Hannah deserved a stable home. Tracy wouldn’t upset the precarious balance of their everyday life until she knew the risk was worth taking. And so, men who were clearly wrong were turned down graciously but immediately. These were the men who were too drunk, too dreary, too married or too anything else. The obvious won’t-works. Every once in a while, Tracy went through a hopeful cycle. An exceptional man would have entered her life and made her care enough to think future thoughts—until something happened to move him down to won’t-work status.