Wanted: A Real Family

Her voice broke and Jase realized how much all of it still affected her. He also understood what he saw in Sara’s eyes so often wasn’t just grief for her husband, but guilt for his death. That was a heavy burden to carry.

He wanted to cover her hand with his, yet tonight that didn’t seem right, not while they were talking about her husband. “His death wasn’t your fault. He brought everything on by his dishonesty.”

“I brought everything on by not probing and pushing and opening my eyes to what was happening.”

“Sara, you were a young mother with a new baby. You trusted your husband. That’s not a sin.”

“Maybe not, but it sure was a flaw. If I had demanded to be part of the financial planning as we bought the house, or even after Amy was born, everything would have been different.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. If your husband was a spender then he was a spender, and he might have needed help to curb the habit. Determination sometimes isn’t enough. It’s not much different from a drug addict, knowing she should stop and yet she can’t.”

Sara looked at him curiously when he said that, but he stopped there. He wasn’t about to go on. They were talking about Sara, not about him, and that’s the way he’d like to keep it. He’d been in his twenties before he’d finally come to terms with the fact that he was ashamed of his childhood, ashamed of how he’d ended up at Raintree in the first place. He didn’t tell anyone about that. His father didn’t talk about it, either, with good reason. How could he be proud of Jase—born illegitimate, his father unknown and his mother a drug addict? That wasn’t something Ethan liked to tell his friends. That wasn’t something that he’d ever told his friends.

Jase focused on Sara. “Looking at your situation practically, wasn’t it better after Conrad died?”

“Jase! How could you say such a thing?” She looked horrified at his putting the obvious into words.

“You know exactly what I mean. What happened with the debt?”

“Most things weren’t paid off and we still owed, not just the house that was dropping in value every day, but the furniture and the rugs and the wall paintings. After Conrad died, all the debt was left to me. He’d canceled his life insurance policy because he couldn’t make the payments, so I sold what I could—jewelry, rugs, art. I couldn’t sell the house because it had depreciated so much. All I could do was try to keep up with the mortgage payments. Amy and I had a roof over our heads, but I bought day-old bread, pasta on special and didn’t drive anywhere I didn’t have to. Thank goodness Amy was too young to realize what was going on.”

“But children pick up a lot. She probably understood that you were worried all of the time.”

“Yes, I was.”

“But your husband kept the fire insurance on the house.”

“He had to. It was required by the mortgage company. So the house was heavily insured and that’s why the insurance investigator is asking me tons of questions. It’s why he thinks I burned down my house to dig myself out of a hole.”

When Sara looked up at Jase, he knew she wasn’t going to ask the question out loud, but he could hear it, anyway. Do you think I would do such a thing?

His immediate reaction was, No, I don’t. Sara wasn’t that kind of woman. On the other hand, he’d been wrong about a woman before. Exactly how well did he know Sara? He’d invited her here on gut instinct, but now his gut instinct was also telling him to be cautious.

All he said was, “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

She looked disappointed, maybe even hurt, and he didn’t know what to do about that. But he wasn’t about to become recklessly involved with her. That would be tantamount to marching into war without knowing where the enemy hid … to photographing refugee children without realizing they could all be victims of an attack.

No matter how much he wanted to put the past behind him, it constantly tapped him on the shoulder. Sara’s past would do the same. Her husband had lied to her and put their family in a situation no family should be in. She’d apparently loved him but she’d had to live with doubts while she tried to make her marriage work … while she’d tried to forgive what he’d done. Then he’d left her with a mess.

“Did Kiplinger say what happens next?”

“I wait.”

“Don’t let your thoughts bury you,” Jase advised her. “This could turn out all right in the end. It just might take a while to get settled.”

“If I’m here longer than a month, I’m going to pay you rent.”

“Sara, that’s not necessary.”

“Yes, it is. I don’t want your father to think I’m taking advantage of your hospitality.”

“If you’re here a month, then we’ll talk about it.” Jase rose to his feet, wanting to take her into his arms, yet knowing that wasn’t the prudent thing to do. “Now, you’ve got to get some sleep for work tomorrow.”

“You make this sound as if it’s not serious.”

“I know it’s serious.”

When he gazed into her eyes, he felt a startling sexual arousal that hadn’t plagued him for a very long time. But he willed it under control and he knew the best thing for both of them was for him to leave.

After she rose and walked him to the door, again the same question was in her eyes. Do you believe I would do such a thing?

But he couldn’t answer her now. He couldn’t let his guard down long enough to sort it all out. But he did run his thumb down her cheek, relishing the softness of it. He did say, “We’ll talk again. Soon.”

Then he walked away.

The following evening, Amy held on to Sara’s hand tightly as her mother led her up the flagstone pathway to the vineyard’s office building. She still hadn’t met Raintree’s chief winemaker, Liam Corbett. His comings and goings were at different times than hers. She’d come over to the offices today to see Jase’s assistant. Marissa had watched over Amy on moving day. Since then they had chatted a few times. Sara felt comfortable with her and today she needed some advice from an insider at the vineyard. She could have left already, Sara knew, but her little boy, Jordan, was still at The Mommy Club day care when she’d picked up Amy. Sara was hoping she could catch her if she was working late.

She stooped down to Amy. “This won’t take too long, and I’ll make your favorite supper when we get back—burgers and French fries. But you have to eat a little bit of broccoli, too.”

“Dipped in cheese?”

Sara smiled. “You’ve got it.”

Amy’s Mary Janes tapped on the Mexican tile as they approached the first office in the long hallway. Located beside the winery, this was the hub of Raintree’s business activity. Windows allowed Sara to see Marissa inside the first office. She was waiting at the printer, collecting documents as they spewed out. She was a beautiful woman, a couple of years younger than Sara. Her hair was the deepest brown and curly. Her chocolate-brown eyes were as expressive as her wide mouth, and she didn’t hide what she was thinking. Right now, Sara needed her opinion.

There was a walkway through Marissa’s office that led to a much bigger office beyond. Sara suspected that was where Jase usually sat, at the massive mahogany desk. There were double file cabinets behind it and beautiful paintings of Carmel and Big Sur. His chairs as well as his desk blotter were wine-colored leather. The wood paneling was as fine as the Oriental rug on the floor.

The printer stopped spewing out paper and Sara knocked lightly. Marissa’s face broke into a wide smile. “Sara, it’s so good to see you. You, too, Amy. How do you like your new room?”

Amy stayed close to Sara, then peeked out around her legs. “I like it.”

Marissa laughed. “Well, good.” Her attention went back to Sara. “Are you feeling more at home here?”

“I am, but that’s what I’d like to talk to you about. First, let me ask if I’m tying you up. I don’t want to keep you from picking up your son.”

“I often work late, but now and then, Jase will give me a whole afternoon off. It evens out. He had new orders come in tonight that I had to organize and give to the account manager.”

Sara took a few folded sheets of paper and crayons from her purse. “Do you mind if Amy sits on the floor to draw?”

“She doesn’t have to sit on the floor. Come here, pumpkin. Sit up here at my desk.” She took hold of a pump at the side of the chair and gave it a few squeezes. The chair rose a few inches, making it easier for Amy to draw. “Okay, there?”

Amy nodded.

Marissa motioned Sara toward the file cabinets. “What can I do for you?”

“The cottage is wonderful,” Sara assured her quickly. “Jase has been welcoming. But I don’t want to take advantage of living here. The problem is, there could be a delay with the insurance money on the house.”

“Red tape?”