The Lost Wolf's Destiny

Feeling foolish, now he regretted asking. Almost. “What you were. A Shape-shifter. When was the first time you changed into a wolf? How old were you?”

As distractions went, it worked. Head cocked, she stared at him, the expression in her vivid green eyes making it clear she was trying to decide if he was messing with her or telling the truth.

“I really want to know,” he added, his voice a bit huskier than he’d have preferred, but sincere all the same.

“I was ten,” she said. “Most of us are ten or eleven when we shift for the first time. Once in a while it happens to someone much younger, but that’s the general age.”

“I see.” Truthfully, he hadn’t known.

“You had no one to guide you at all, did you?” she finally asked. “Because your mother died and you were all alone, except for that crazy man who raised you.”

He doubted his careless shrug fooled her. “I had no idea. The first few times I had the urge to shift, I panicked. I was eleven and I didn’t know what was wrong with me.” He and Lilly had shared that sense of fear. But of course, he didn’t mention that to Blythe.

“Did you go to your father?’

He winced, this time unable to hide it. “No. I couldn’t. Even though I was still relatively normal, I couldn’t fail to notice how rigid the lines were for him. I think I instinctively knew he would recoil from me in disgust and horror.”

The sympathy on her beautiful face completely pissed him off. He didn’t want her pity, or anyone else’s, for that matter. That was part of the reason he’d avoided his own kind all these years. He was what he was and damned if he’d make apologies for it.

With difficulty, he managed to rein in his emotions. None of this was her fault. In truth, he didn’t understand the way she made him feel, the things she made him want. Desire was both the least and the greatest of these.

What he was about to tell her was private—he’d never shared it with another human being, with the exception of the one person he’d let Jacob destroy.

But Jacob had her daughter. If anyone deserved to know, it was Blythe. He’d have to be careful in how he told it, because Lilly had been with him then. Lilly had always been with him. He and his twin had been exceptionally close.

“I was out in the desert near Sanctuary,” he began, hoping like hell he didn’t slip up. He had to tell the story as if he’d been alone. “I liked to go on long hikes in those days. It was a way for me to think. The urge to change had been coming more and more frequently, which terrified me. But so far I’d been successful in fighting it off. Not this time.”

He took a long pull on his coffee, considering his next words.

To her credit, she simply waited, her eyes vivid-green as she watched him through her long lashes. She was quiet, rather than peppering him with questions. This, he appreciated.

After a moment, he continued. “This time, when the urge to change hit me, the need was like never before. Fierce and compelling. I fell to my knees and tried to fight, but something else took over my body and I couldn’t. Before I knew what happened, my clothes were torn and tattered and I shape-shifted into a wolf.”

“You should have had someone there to help guide you,” she said softly. “It’s always like that, the first time.”

He shrugged, careful to keep his face expressionless. His memories of that day were still vivid, though they mostly consisted of watching what had happened to his sister as she went through her first change. They’d been frightened and exhilarated, amazed and shocked.

When they’d changed back, they’d each managed to do so far enough away from the other that they were able to hide their nakedness until they got dressed.

It was all new and strange and a continuous learning process. But they’d had each other and so they’d learned to cope.

“It was a long time ago. But I was in an animal frenzy after that. As wolf, I ran and hunted, when I was human again, I got dressed in my shredded and tattered clothes and returned home. I vowed that one time would be it and I’d never let it happen again.”

“And of course it did,” she said, her expression soft and understanding.

He nearly told her then, nearly revealed the truth of the horror that had happened to his twin so many years ago. But at the last moment, he reined himself in. They were strangers, after all. He would do his best to help her and her daughter, after which he doubted he’d ever see her again. He wasn’t the kind of guy women depended on.

Still, he had to tell her part of the truth, just so she really understood what kind of monster she was up against.

“I went as long as I could before changing again. Each time, I came away convinced something was wrong with me.” He shrugged, to show her it no longer mattered. “I started being more diligent about attending Jacob’s services. I tried to be kinder, more studious. In short, I thought if I somehow atoned for whatever sin made me this way, I could be normal again.”

He didn’t tell her this had been Lilly’s idea. She’d been convinced that their shape-shifting abilities were some form of punishment, doled out from an angry God. Jacob’s God. Lucas had gone along with her, because when she was happy, he was, too.

Lost in his memories, he became aware Blythe was speaking. “You only wanted to be normal. When in fact, all along, you were perfectly ordinary, at least for our kind.”

He said the first thing that came to mind. “You sound sad.”

“Of course I do.” Frowning, she shook her head. “Jacob had to have known this would happen. When he married your mother, she would have told him. We’re always allowed to tell our mates. He should have taken steps to ensure you were educated in the ways of the Pack.”

“I’m not sure he knew.” Aware of the bitter twist to his mouth, he looked away, unable to bear the pity he was sure to see in her eyes. “Or if he once had known, he made himself forget. That would be the only explanation for how he reacted once he learned the truth about us.”

“Us?”

Damn. Swallowing hard, he gestured at nothing. “You know what I mean. Our kind. Us.”

After a moment, she nodded, seeming to accept this explanation. He’d slipped. He needed to be careful.

Because in addition to what had happened to his sister, there was more, much more, that he didn’t tell her. How he’d tried to run away, to stay wolf forever. He’d thought that would make his life easier. And it might have, though he never got a chance to find out. No matter how hard he’d tried to stay in his wolf form, eventually he’d always changed back to man.

She shifted restlessly. “If you don’t mind telling me, how exactly did your fath—I mean Jacob—find out what you were? I assume you didn’t tell him.”

“He became curious and I was careless. He followed me one day. He was careful to stay hidden so I didn’t see him. He watched while I changed.” He shook his head, the images as fresh as though they had occurred yesterday. He’d stick to the details whenever possible...more or less. “Full of self-righteous rage, he ran at me when I was still wolf.”

Narrowing her eyes, she continued to watch him. “He’s lucky you didn’t attack him.”

“Maybe.”

Because of Lucas’s paralyzing fear, Jacob had caught them both. After ordering his twin children to be led away in chains, he’d locked them in one of the unfinished basement rooms, eerily reminiscent to Lucas’s young mind of a dungeon. “Jacob screamed, called me a worthless dog, demon-spawn and evil.”

“What did he do after that?” she asked.

He took a deep breath, well aware that what he was about to say would barely skirt the edges of what had happened. It wasn’t even the worst of it. “He beat me to within an inch of my life.”

“While you were still wolf?”

He nodded. “While I was still a wolf.”

“And of course you changed back.” It wasn’t a question. She knew, as he had not, that all Shifters changed back to their original form when they were hurt or wounded. He was aware of that now, of course.

“I changed back. My father was convinced a demon had possessed me. He was determined to rid me of it, no matter what the cost. Even if it killed me.”

She made a sound. He could see in her face that she was tempted to offer comfort. Appalled, he made a gesture, warding her off.

“I’m fine,” he said. “That’s all in the past anyway. The only reason I’m even telling you all this is so you can understand what he wants to do to Hailey.”

Her eyes widened. Glancing at her watch, she cursed. “He’s had all day.”

Sensing her panic, he acted instinctively, reaching out and gently squeezing her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m relatively sure he’s still studying her to make sure she is what he thinks.”