Their Christmas Dream Come True

Though she wasn’t going to think about what she did want from him.

‘Tally. Natalie,’ he corrected himself quickly, ‘paediatrics is a tough option. Especially at this time of year. You’re going to come across cases that remind you. Cases that have parallels. And some days you’ll find it harder to deal with than others.’

Meaning that he did, too? She’d noticed that he hadn’t actually said Ethan’s name aloud. Would the word choke him, too?

Kit laid his hand on her shoulder. Squeezed it, giving the lightest of pressure. ‘Natalie, if you need—’

No. She didn’t need anything from Kit. ‘We have a full list. Let’s move on,’ she cut in quickly. If he offered her a shoulder to cry on now, nearly six years too late, she couldn’t bear it. She shrugged his hand off her shoulder, too—a white coat and her sweater weren’t enough of a barrier between them. Right now she couldn’t cope with feeling the warmth of his touch.

His voice cooled noticeably. ‘Of course, Dr Wilkins.’

Somehow she got through the rest of the afternoon. But the more she saw of Kit working—the way he was able to soothe the most fretful child—the more she realised how good he was with kids. They responded to him, to his strength and calmness, someone who was clearly going to take the pain away and make them feel better.

He didn’t rush through diagnoses either. He’d read a story if it was needed, or start telling a series of truly terrible jokes—jokes she’d had no idea he even knew—and made a game out of examinations. Let children listen to his heartbeat through his stethoscope. Took time to calm the worries of parents. Explained exactly what he was doing in terms the parents would understand, without frightening the child.

And she couldn’t help thinking what a great dad he would have made. How he would have been with his own children, dealing with tantrums and tears without letting them fray his temper. He’d still have kept his fun side, too, flying kites and racing round on a bicycle and playing boisterous games with them.

What a waste. What a bloody, bloody waste.

Or was it? Did Kit have another family now? Another son to replace the one he’d lost? A daughter, perhaps, one who looked like his new wife?

Natalie wasn’t sure what was worse: thinking about the dad he might have been, or thinking about the dad he might be now—to another woman’s children, not hers.

It broke her up inside, though she managed to keep a cool front. Even had coffee with him after their PAU stint, although neither of them spoke much and they kept the topics strictly neutral. Work. Safe areas.

And then she had two blessed days off. Two days when she wasn’t going to think of Kit at all. And by Monday, when she was on duty again, she’d be back in full control of her feelings.

‘What a waste,’ Fran sighed as she filled the kettle in the staffroom. ‘He’s so gorgeous, too.’

‘Waste?’ Natalie asked, frowning. What was Fran on about?

Ruth, the other nurse in the room, sighed dramatically. ‘Tall, dark and handsome. Drop-dead gorgeous, in fact— the sort who makes your knees go wobbly every time he smiles. And he’s a thoroughly nice bloke, too—not one of these who knows how gorgeous he is and expects every female he meets to worship him. He’s lovely. He takes the time to explain things to parents—and to students. He’s not one of these know-it-all doctors who think they’re God and nurses don’t have a brain cell to rub between them. He actually shows respect for the nursing staff. And he’s gay,’ she explained, looking equally disgruntled.

Natalie really wasn’t following the conversation. ‘Who is?’

Fran rolled her eyes. ‘Kit, of course. Our new registrar. He’s been here a week now. And you’ve been working with him in clinics and on ward rounds, so don’t say you haven’t noticed.’

Natalie blinked. ‘That he’s gay?’

‘No, that he’s gorgeous. I mean—tall, dark and handsome doesn’t even begin to describe him. He’s beautiful. And those eyes! Oh-h-h.’ Ruth shook her head. ‘You’re too focused on your work, Natalie. You really need to chill out. Get out more.’

‘Get a life. Yeah, I know,’ Natalie said, forcing a smile to her face. There had been a time when she’d partied with the best of them. Before her marriage had crumbled into dust. Since then, she’d preferred a quiet life.

‘It’s such a waste,’ Fran said again. ‘You know, I can just imagine what it’d be like to be kissed by him. That beautiful mouth, doing all sorts of lovely things…’ She gave a blissful shiver. ‘Ooh.’

Natalie didn’t need to imagine. She knew exactly what it was like to be kissed by him. How Kit’s lips could elicit a response from hers. How his mouth could move from teasing to passion within a second, as heat flared between them. How his mouth had taken her to paradise and back.

She gritted her teeth, trying to push the memories back where they belonged—in the past. She and Kit were over. Over. Remembering stuff like this was pointless.

‘I’ve got a friend who worked in his last hospital,’ Fran continued. ‘The nurses were falling over themselves to ask him out. He’d go on most of the staff nights out—he was always a good sport—but he never actually dated anyone. Turned down every single offer.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘Gina from the emergency department asked him out for a drink the other night. He turned her down—and considering Gina only has to click her fingers and men come running, panting…’

Kit didn’t date? But…Natalie damped down the little flicker of hope. No. Absolutely not. She didn’t want to start thinking about the reasons why Kit didn’t date. Or her own reaction to the news that maybe, just maybe, Kit was still single, too.

If she told them she knew he wasn’t gay, she’d have to explain. Which she didn’t want to do. But she didn’t want them getting the wrong idea about Kit either. ‘Maybe he’s just concentrating on his career.’

‘The way you do, you mean? No, I’m pretty sure it’s not that.’ Fran shook her head mournfully. ‘And it’s not because he’s an adoring husband because he’s not married, either.’

Ruth nodded. ‘I reckon he’s just not interested in women. I mean, he notices things like shoes.’

‘She’s right, you know,’ Fran said with a sigh. ‘Only gay men notice things like shoes, don’t they? Straight men don’t think about what you’re wearing, they think about how to get it off you.’

Natalie couldn’t help smiling, but inside she ached. Of course Kit noticed shoes: once upon a time, Natalie had been a major shoe fiend and hadn’t been able to pass a shoe shop without drooling over high heels in outrageous colours. Kit had bought them for her, even when they hadn’t really been able to afford it.

And the day she’d discovered she was pregnant, she’d bought a tiny pair of white satin pram shoes. Had wrapped them up and given them to him. And when he’d worked it out, he’d picked her up and spun her round and—

‘Hello? Earth to Natalie?’ Fran said, waving one hand in front of her face and proffering a mug of coffee with the other.

She took the coffee with a rueful smile. ‘Thanks, Fran. Sorry. I was miles away.’

‘Natalie’s definitely not your average woman,’ Ruth informed Fran with a grin. ‘She actually glazes over at the mention of shoes.’

Ah, but she understands chocolate,’ Fran said. ‘She’s one of us.’

Natalie didn’t mind the teasing. At least it got them off the subject of Kit.

But as if they’d read her mind, Fran asked, ‘He’s lovely, though—don’t you think?’

Uh-oh. This was going in a direction she really, really didn’t want to go in. Especially as she’d already learned that Fran and Ruth didn’t take no for an answer. They kept asking. If she said she didn’t think Kit was lovely, they’d want to know why. And she’d end up admitting that she used to be married to him. And why they’d split up. And Natalie really didn’t want her past dragged up and discussed on the hospital grapevine. ‘Handsome is as handsome does,’ she said with a shrug.

Kit had been about to walk into the staffroom and grab a coffee when he heard the subject of the conversation.

The nurses on the ward thought he was gay?

Some joke. He’d never been remotely attracted to another man, and he still appreciated pretty women. He just didn’t do relationships any more. There was no point, not since he’d lost the love of his life.

The woman who’d just walked back into his life—but had made it very clear that she didn’t want to resume where they’d left off. They were barely even friends now. Such a waste, when he remembered what they’d once been to each other.

Handsome is as handsome does.

The scorn that had gone into that remark. OK, so Natalie had good reason to feel that way. He’d let her down in the worst possible way, at the worst possible time. And he hadn’t tried hard enough to save the remnants of their marriage, because he’d been focusing on keeping himself together. Burying himself in work, keeping himself so busy that he hadn’t had time to hurt. Hadn’t gone under. And he hadn’t paid enough attention to what was happening to her.

But, oh, that comment rankled. Natalie thought he was shallow?

Maybe, just maybe, he shouldbe shallow. Accept all the offers thrown at him. Have wild sex with a different woman every night.

Except that wasn’t who he was. Wasn’t what he wanted.

As for what he did want…He was just beginning to work out what that was. And it simply wasn’t an option.