Hell, it made for a much happier life. The past was all about mistakes and regrets, lost opportunities and broken promises. And the future? Well, that was about goals and dreams and aspirations. All those things just out of a guy’s reach.
It was, and always would be about the present for Mac. He knew all too well that life could change in a split second. Dreams could be shattered and the future turned upside down. His mind flashed an image of that night, of the empty motel room and the police cars outside. So many questions and never any answers.
So he lived for pleasure and adventure, excitement and spontaneity. He never knew what the new day would bring, but Mac was always determined to make the best of it.
“Any idea how to work this computer?” Mac asked, turning to J.J.
“Yeah,” the mechanic said. “What’s the problem?”
“I have to enter these time slips and fuel receipts to generate an invoice and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.”
J.J. grabbed the stack of notes. “It would take me longer to explain than it would to do the invoices,” he said. “I can take care of it.”
“Are you sure?”
“No problem,” J.J. said.
“Can you keep an eye on the front desk? I have something I need to do.”
“I have to leave in an hour. We have some final work on the set before the show tonight. You still planning on coming?”
“Yeah, absolutely,” Mac said. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” J.J. joked. “I’m not that good.”
Mac chuckled and clapped J.J. on the back. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
Mac walked out into the hangar and pulled open the passenger door of his plane. It was the closest thing he had to a home. Mac crawled through to the tail, rummaging around until he found what he was looking for. He took the small tin box out and sat down on a crate, pulling off the lid in the light of day.
The rusty tin held all that was left of his old life—his only clues to his past. He picked up the larger of the two wedding bands and stared down at it, then slipped it on his finger. Marriage had never been a part of his future. Until he had a past, he couldn’t have a future. But how did one go about finding ghosts? The police had tried and failed.
Did he even want to find them? Wouldn’t it simply be easier to know nothing? And why did it make a difference now?
Mac closed his eyes. Emma. For some reason, she made him think about the future, made him question his past.
But why? He’d met her only a few days ago. There had to be a reason for this unreasonable attraction. Some quality that had captured his attention. It wasn’t her virginity. Had he been aware of that, he would have run in the opposite direction. Charlie was right—there were too many expectations.
And yet, the news hadn’t changed his interest in her. Emma was smart and beautiful and vulnerable and strong. She was the kind of woman who needed a partner to help her navigate the world, yet would never admit she couldn’t do everything alone. But was he that man?
Mac slipped the wedding ring off his finger and held it up to the light. His gaze focused on the inside of the ring. “For Benjamin, with love,” he read.
Who the hell was Benjamin and what was Mac doing with his wedding ring?
Mac tossed the ring back into the box. Probing the past was too dangerous. He’d been right before. It was better to live in the present.
* * *
“I’M READY,” EMMA SAID, holding the phone to her ear. “I’ve been going over it in my head all day long and I’m ready.”
“This is a dinner date,” Trish said, her voice crackling over the connection. “Not the D-Day Invasion.”
“I realize that. But I have to have a plan, don’t you think? We’ll have dinner, we’ll discuss the book, have a little wine and then, sometime around dessert, I’ll make my proposition.”
“I thought you guys were going to see Oklahoma.”
“I hope that’s just his backup plan, in case the date is a real disaster.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t plan too much. Just let it happen,” Trish said. “You know, organically.”
“And here I was thinking I’d just force the issue up front and forget about the date entirely.” Emma stood in front of the mirror and studied her reflection critically. “Why is this so complicated?”
“It isn’t. Thousands of couples go out on first dates. And hundreds of them go home afterward and have wild monkey sex without suffering even the tiniest twinge of guilt. You bought condoms, didn’t you?”
“Four different kinds,” Emma said. “I had to drive all the way into Petaluma to get them. You should have seen the look I got from the clerk. I think she assumed I was going to an orgy.” Emma groaned. “I have to go. I hear his car. Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need luck,” Trish said. “Just be yourself and see where it goes. No pressure, no expectations.”
Emma switched off her phone, then checked her appearance once more. She looked nice. She’d taken extra time with her hair and put on a tiny bit of mascara and lipstick. The outfit she wore wasn’t blatantly sexy, but it hugged her body in all the right places.
A knock sounded from the front door and Emma jumped, pressing her hand to her heart. Her pulse began to race as she approached the door, and for a moment, she felt light-headed and dizzy. She drew a few deep breaths, then pasted a smile on her face. Emma reached for the door handle and swung it open. Mac stood outside, another bouquet of flowers clutched in his hand.
“Hi, there,” he said with a wide grin. “You look great.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. “So do you.”
Emma’s hand trembled as she reached for the flowers. His hand brushed against hers. The touch was enough to send a shock wave coursing through her body and when he grabbed hold of her fingers, her pulse leaped.
For a long moment they stood frozen, neither one of them ready to move. But then, Emma groaned softly and threw herself into his arms. They stumbled inside the house, her lips searching for his before settling in to a deeply passionate kiss.
This wasn’t the way things were supposed to begin. But as his tongue tasted the warm depths of her mouth, she forgot all about her plans and decided to surrender herself to fate.
His hands spanned her waist as Mac pressed her against the wall, his hips meeting hers. The control had suddenly shifted. Emma had never been kissed like this, with such single-minded desire and such overwhelming passion. It was as if he’d lost the capacity to think and was operating only on sexual instinct.
Her heart pounded out a quick rhythm. She tried to catch her breath and when she couldn’t, she stepped back, gasping, her face flushed with warmth. “Sorry,” she said in a shaky tone.
Mac pressed his forehead against hers. “Is everything all right?”
Emma shook her head. She felt as if she was about to pass out. “No, it’s not. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Kiss me?”
“All of it,” she said, throwing her arms into the air. She walked across the room, putting a safe distance between them. “I thought it would be easy. But it’s always just looming on the horizon, this huge, black cloud that at any moment is going to surround me and smother me with guilt and shame and—”
“What are you talking about?” Mac asked.
Emma began laughing and suddenly she couldn’t stop. Why was this so difficult? Women lost their virginities every day. And yet the longer she held on to hers, the more it seemed to define her.
“Are you all right?”