Off Limits Marine

THE SOUNDS OF a hot summer night drifted through the bathroom window—the quiet chirp of crickets, the far-off bark of a dog, the sound of the water lapping against the dock. Annie hung her leg over the edge of the tub as she sank into the cool water, closing her eyes and sighing softly. A fickle breeze teased at the lacy curtains, and she drew a deep breath, smelling rain in the air.

She swirled her fingers in the water, stirring up the scent of lavender, meant to soothe her nerves. Annie had tried to forget the fact that she hadn’t seen Gabe in five days. During the week, he stayed on base. But on weekends, he was supposed to take up residence in her boathouse. It was now 11:00 p.m. on a Friday night, and he hadn’t turned up.

With a soft curse, Annie sank beneath the surface of the water. She had no right to be irritated with him. And yet she was. Was it wrong to enjoy his presence? She was surrounded by teenagers without anyone to really talk to. Gabe was interested in her life.

She dragged the washcloth over her arm. To be honest, it wasn’t just the conversation that she missed. It was the physical contact—the occasional touch of his hand that felt like a caress, or the warmth of his lips pressed against hers. She’d grown accustomed to the longing when she’d been married to Erik, but Gabe was different. With him, everything was new, more desperate, more intense.

They’d moved past the boundaries of friendship. The kissing and touching had burned that bridge. And yet she couldn’t call their relationship a romance. There was nothing of the typical trappings found in that kind of relationship—no flowers, no dinners out, no attempts at sweet gestures or flowery sentiments.

Instead, she felt as if she were caught in some no-man’s-land, focused on the physical pleasures of his touch, yet determined not to fall in love with the man. This wasn’t a romance, it was a...a fixation. An obsession. An infatuation.

She’d expected to feel guilty over her new fixation, but that feeling hadn’t set in yet. Annie had been without a man for nearly twenty months. Any woman, widow or not, would be restless. And faced with easing those feelings with a man as sexy and handsome as Gabe, how could she resist?

Maybe it was time to move on, at least in the physical sense. She wasn’t ready to fall in love again, and Annie wasn’t sure that there was a man out there to replace her dead husband. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t move on physically, that she couldn’t enjoy sex with another man. The physical contact would ease her loneliness, and when she was alone again, the memories would do the same.

Gabe was the logical choice. He was geographically available, he was physically attractive and, from all indications, he wanted her. They could indulge in a no-strings affair until she left on her sailing trip. The plan seemed remarkably simple. But how would she go about explaining her needs to Gabe?

After all the years of knowing him, he really didn’t know her at all. How would he react if she dragged him into her bedroom and seduced him? A giggle bubbled out of her throat. Annie wasn’t even sure how she would react. The thought of stripping his clothes off and pushing him back into the sheets sent a shiver skittering down her spine.

She drew a deep breath and waited for the guilt. But again, it didn’t come. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

The last conversation she had with Erik was months ago. After he died, Annie used to speak to him all the time. But those things that used to soothe her had gradually faded in importance. She was thinking about sleeping with another man. “Gabe,” she murmured.

An uneasy sensation washed over her. There it was. Guilt? Or was it indecision? She was lusting after her husband’s best friend. Certainly, there had to be something immoral about that. Annie pushed out of the water and grabbed a towel from a nearby rack, wrapping it around her damp body. She took another towel for her hair, then walked out of the bathroom to her bedroom, leaving footprints on the wood floor.

This didn’t have to be so complicated. They were both adults and they both had desires—desires that they could mutually satisfy. There’d be no doubts or regrets. And she’d get what she’d been so desperately longing for. The touch of a man’s hands on her body. The warmth of his kiss and the overwhelming sensation of feeling him move inside her.

Annie let the towel slide off her body and puddle around her feet, then slipped into a faded cotton robe and tied it at the waist. She walked to her dresser, where an old fan whirred softly, and pulled her damp hair up off her neck to let the air dry her skin. Staring at her reflection in the dresser’s mirror, she brushed the robe off her shoulder, revealing the soft flesh of her breast, the nipple barely covered.

Annie couldn’t help but wonder if she even had the courage to act on her impulses. Seducing a man in her head was far easier than doing it in real life.

“I was wondering if you’d still be up.”

The sound of his voice startled her, and she pressed her hand to her chest, clutching at the front of her robe. “I thought you’d decided to stay on base.” She slowly turned, letting her hand drop to her side. Her robe gaped open provocatively.

It was a bold move, but well calculated. If a glimpse of her barely covered naked breast wasn’t enough to lure him closer, then a full-blown seduction was nothing but a fantasy.

He observed her for a long moment, his gaze drifting down her body, then back up to her face. A tiny smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

She didn’t know how to answer a question like that. Annie had never considered herself a beauty. In truth, she’d always thought she was rather ordinary. “Am I?”

“From the first time I saw you, that day on the dock, I’ve thought it.”

She smiled. “Love at first sight?”

Gabe nodded. “Yeah. Absolutely. Love at first sight.”

It was a simple declaration of his affection, but his words hit her like a slap to the face. Was Gabe Pennington still in love with her? None of this would work if there were actual emotions involved. She wanted a man for her bed, not for her heart.

Annie reached for the front of her robe, drawing it closed, then tightening the tie at the waist. “And you’re still in love with me?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No! No, not at all.” Gabe paused, then gave her a sheepish smile. “Well, maybe a little bit.”

The atmosphere, so charged just a few moments ago, had shifted. “I...I should really get to bed. The kids are sailing in a regatta tomorrow, and they leave really early in the morning.”

“Mind if I tag along?”

Annie was surprised by the offer. Spending an entire day with race-crazed teenagers wasn’t for everyone. But she had to admit that she could use the help. Trying to keep an eye on sixteen rambunctious kids usually proved too much for the counselors. “Are you sure? These kids can leave you exhausted.”

“No, it’ll be fun. And I get to spend the day with you.”

“All right,” Annie said. “I guess it’s a date. We leave at 6:00 a.m.”

“All right, I’ll see you then.” He turned away from the door, then stopped short. “I brought you something. I left it down on the kitchen table.”

“What did you bring me?”

“Nothing special. Just some of those almond croissants you like from that coffee shop in Annapolis you mentioned.”

Annie frowned and shook her head. “When did I...”

“Last weekend. You were talking about buying doughnuts for breakfast and just mentioned the place. I remember stopping there with you and Erik back in the day. I was close by, so I decided to see if it was still there.”

Annie laughed softly. “How is it you’re still single? You’d think some woman would’ve snatched you up by now.”

“You’d think,” he agreed.

“You could possibly be the perfect boyfriend.”

He gave her a shrug. “Now, if only someone were looking for the perfect boyfriend. Most women are looking for imperfection. I guess that’s my problem.” With that, he turned and walked back downstairs, his footsteps retreating through the house. Annie heard the kitchen screen door slam behind him, and she flopped back on the bed.

Closing her eyes, she let her memories wind back to that day on the dock. She remembered noticing him, his steady blue gaze, his shy smile. What had made her gravitate to Erik instead? How would life have been different if she’d taken Gabe’s hand that day?

She’d still have a husband. Or had fate made that decision? Was everything a matter of fate? Erik hadn’t been a perfect husband. There had been times when she’d doubted his fidelity and when she’d questioned the depth of his love for her.

So much of who he was was wound around his career as a pilot. He lived his life fueled by adrenaline, and when he was home with her, he was like a caged animal, restless and edgy. They’d often fight, but then he’d switch gears and turn on the charm and she’d fall for him all over again.

Groaning, Annie covered her eyes with her hands. Why was she suddenly questioning her marriage? Ever since Gabe had kissed her, she’d begun to see things differently. She’d begun to see herself differently.

Annie rolled off the bed and slowly walked to the dresser. She had tucked the envelope beneath a stack of her grandmother’s embroidered handkerchiefs. From what she understood, every soldier wrote a letter meant to be delivered in the event of his death. Annie had received the envelope and read it once, then promptly tucked it away, unable to read through her tears. After that, there never seemed to be a right time to look at it again—until now.

The envelope was right where she’d left it, slightly crumpled and stained with tears. She sat back down on the bed and ran her fingertips over the writing that was once so familiar. These last few weeks, she’d been so consumed with thoughts of Gabe, she suddenly felt the need to be close to Erik again.

Annie walked to the overstuffed easy chair and sat, tucking her feet beneath her. Sliding her finger beneath the flap of the envelope, she held her breath, not certain she was ready to face the emotions within.

They’d fought the last time they were together. She’d finally told him that she was fed up with living her life alone and asked him to leave the Marines once his tour was up.

Erik had tried his best to appease her, but she had been intractable. She wanted him to make a choice, yet he refused. So they’d parted in anger. He’d called a day later to smooth things over, but Annie still wasn’t ready to let go of her resentment. And then it was over and she was left with no choice but to live with those feelings.