One More Kiss

“So you decided just to let me down and get it over with.”

In this respect she was right, although there had been so much more to the decision. Now he was paying for it. He wondered sometimes if he’d be just better off staying to himself. His dad had always said he was a lone wolf who wasn’t fit for socializing and at times like this Jay believed that. “I think we’ve both gone around this long enough. Tell me more about the woman you are today.”

She took a swallow of her wine and then gave him a half smile. He couldn’t stop staring at her mouth. She’d had some kind of lipstick on earlier, but during the meal it had worn off. And left just the natural color of her lips, which brought an image to his mind of her tight nipples.

Damn. He wanted her.

“I work, I meet friends at the beach, I go to my parents’ house for dinner. I have a normal life.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“Most of the time. What are you trying to ask me?”

“Am I screwing your life up again by coming back?” he asked, being as blunt as he could. “I didn’t think that you would be so—”

She laughed quietly, and this time not with the strained quality she’d had before. “So … what?”

“So real,” he said at last.

“How did you expect me to be?” she asked. Then she leaned her elbows on the table and looked him straight in the eye. “Vegas wasn’t real for either of us.”

“I know that now, but I didn’t at the time,” he admitted. He’d been seduced by the lights of Vegas and that attitude the city had of everything seeming possible. He’d felt the pull of Alysse so strongly he hadn’t thought beyond his time there and having her in his arms. And that had been a mistake because he’d ignored the fact that he wasn’t the kind of guy that women liked having around. His own mother had proven that point a long time ago.

Alysse put both hands on the table and continued looking at him. He knew she couldn’t see his eyes but he wondered what she was searching for in his face. He knew he was very good at not giving up anything, but he still wished that maybe she’d find whatever it was she needed to see.

“Why? Even I knew it was just a fantasy,” she said.

“I didn’t. If I don’t have a weapon in my hand and a target in my sights I don’t know what’s real,” he explained.

She sat back in her chair and he knew he hadn’t given her the answer she’d been wanting. Still, he didn’t have any explanation other than the truth. “Why did you take a chance on me if you knew that Vegas was all lights and make-believe?”

She tucked a strand of her long pretty hair behind her ear and nibbled on her lower lip. “I thought … I thought that after the glitter of Vegas faded away we’d still have the connection. I thought we’d formed a bond so quickly because it was real.”

Fair enough, he thought. Both of them were living their own fantasy and their perceptions had led to … him leaving. Not her actions, she couldn’t have been more perfectly suited to him during that weekend.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked.

“We’re going to date. Real dating. To see if our bond was real,” he said.

Alysse shook her head and pushed back from the table. She paced to the edge of the cabana where she looked out at the shore. Waves gently lapped on the beach.

He stood up and walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand away and he realized for the hundredth time what a monumental task he’d set for himself.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“That I’m not sure I can do this,” she said. “I know that I have said that before but the more time I spend with you, the harder it is to remember that I have moved on.”

Her words cut him, but he knew that they shouldn’t. He was lucky she’d stayed for dinner. He knew each date would be a test to pass, he thought. That was motivation enough. It gave him something to focus on, something concrete that didn’t make him feel so unsure.

“We are going to figure this out. If for no other reason than that we both need to resolve what happened.”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t want to be the man who hurt you and you don’t want to be the woman with the broken heart.”

She pursed her lips as she turned and looked at him.

“It’s the truth.”

“Yes, it is. I just don’t want it to be. But you’re right, I need something that only you can give me, and I’m going to be ruthless about taking it, Jay. I won’t make this easy for you.”

He smiled and felt something tight in his chest relax. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Do you want me?” she asked. “Or do you just want a version of me? This isn’t Vegas. I’m not going to have time to just lie in bed with you and have sex all day.”

He hardened at the thought of that. That was one of his fantasies, but he also wanted more from her than the physical. Their bond had started with light flirting and kisses that he still didn’t quite believe were real. No one had ever tasted as good as Alysse or had fitted into his arms just the way she did.

“Who said anything about sex?” he asked.

She closed the gap between the two of them. He held himself still as she ran her finger down the center of his chest, poking him. “This entire setup is about seduction and we both know it. So give me the truth, Marine.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to handle you without the sex,” he said. “In bed I know what I’m doing and … well, it makes our relationship a lot easier.”

“That’s not a relationship,” she said.

“I know. Believe me, if it was we’d still be together and the last few years would have been much different.”

She smiled at him. “I don’t understand you, Jay.”

He didn’t understand himself. This crossroads had started in the desert sand but it was turning into a crisis inside him. Something that he had to resolve, or he knew he’d end up just as bitter and lonely as his old man had been. Having a chance at happiness with Alysse—he knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t, give that up.

“I don’t either, but we can do something about it,” he said.

“You are very confident about this.”

“It’s the only plan I’ve got. I’m kind of invested in making it work.”

She nodded. “Things are going to be different this time.”

“I get that,” he said.

“Good. I’m not the passive person I used to be.”

He laughed that she said that with a straight face. “You are so far from passive. From the beginning you had me wrapped around your little finger.”

“Did I?” she asked. “It felt the other way around to me.”

In that instant he knew that the bond they’d formed had its grounding in something beyond just sex. He had always known it deep inside because she’d never left his thoughts even when they had half the world between them. But she’d made him very aware that the feelings weren’t one-sided. And that gave him more hope than he probably deserved.