The Top Gun's Return

“He’s okay. He’s…pretty good, considering,” her mother said, too carefully. Sammi June wanted to yell at her.

“Well, what does he look like?” She felt like she was suffocating. Even after she realized she was holding her breath, she couldn’t seem to let it go. “I mean, you know. Does he look…” Like my dad? Like the dad I remember? Like, of course he doesn’t, stupid. Duh, he’s been in a prison camp for eight years. Finally she settled for, “Has he changed a lot?” And then, eyes closed, she waited, pleading silently. Don’t lie to me, Momma. I’ll never forgive you if you lie to me. Don’t treat me like a child.

After what seemed like forever, she heard her mother take another careful breath. “Well, he’s…thin.”

“He always was,” said Sammi June, struggling to breathe.

“No—” there was a little rush of laughter “—really thin.”

“You mean like…concentration-camp thin?”

“Oh—Lord. Well…” Her mother was laughing still, but in a way that made Sammi June wonder if she was crying at the same time. She felt a sob pushing against her own throat, but was determined to keep it there. “No, not that bad. Just…way too thin, is all. And his hair’s got a lot of gray in it, especially at the temples. It looks kind of good, actually. You know—”

“Distinguished,” said Sammi June, and cleared her throat. “Does he have any—you know…scars? I mean, did they—” But she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

“I don’t know,” her mother said quietly. “He…doesn’t like to talk about…what happened to him. He has a knee injury—he’ll probably have to have surgery for that, eventually. Right now he’s using a cane, but he says that’s just temporary. Honey, we have to give him time, that’s all. We have to be patient.”

“I know…that’s okay, I was just wondering. So—what happens now? Are you gonna see him tomorrow?”

“In the evening, yes, I think so.” There was another little laugh. “Tomorrow I’m going shopping, actually. I have to buy him something to wear. He hasn’t got any civilian clothes at all.”

“No way.” Sammi June pushed herself upright. “Okay, this is cool. This is your big chance, Mom. Europe’s way ahead of us. Promise you’ll get him some really stylin’ stuff, okay?”

Her mom laughed. “I’m gonna try. Listen, you better go on and get something to eat, now, okay? I just wanted to let you know what’s going on. Everything’s okay. We’ll call you tomorrow when he’s here, I promise.”

“Sure, that’s fine.” Sammi June hugged herself and the phone and wished she could stop shivering. “Uh, Momma? Is there…do you think there’s any chance he might still call tonight?”

There was a little pause before her mother said gently, “I don’t know, honey, he was pretty tired when he left. Late as it is here, I think you should just go on and get yourself something to eat. We’ll call tomorrow, for sure. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Sure.”

“Okay then. Bye-bye, honey. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Momma. Bye.”

For a long time after she pressed the disconnect button, Sammi June sat on the bed, holding the phone cradled to her chest and rocking herself. She no longer felt the least little bit like eating.

And in her room in the guest house in Landstuhl, Germany, Jessie set the phone back on its cradle and picked up the Teddy bear. After gazing at it for a moment, she wrapped her arms around it and cradled it against her heart.

Does he have any scars?

She didn’t know how to tell Sammi June that the worst of her daddy’s scars were most likely deep down inside him, where nobody could see them.

At eleven o’clock next morning, Lieutenant Commander Rees arrived in a European model Ford to take Jessie shopping. He took her to a larger town near the air base where, he said, most of the families of base personnel did their shopping. Before turning her loose in the shops, however, he took her to lunch at a small bistro that served mostly Italian food, including pizza. Normally Jessie was very fond of pizza, but it was going to be a while before she stopped associating the smell of Italian food with the heartstopping terror of that phone call from her mother, telling her that her husband had come back from the dead after eight years.

She ordered a small antipasto and a diet soda, and since the weather was unusually sunny and warm for April, they chose one of the small tables outdoors on the sidewalk.

Lieutenant Commander Rees didn’t mess around. He stabbed a fork into his baked ziti, then asked Jessie straight-out how things were going with her and Tristan.

Jessie, being a true Southern woman, was all set to smile brightly and assure him that everything was Fine, just fine, but for some reason, didn’t. Maybe it was something to do with the lieutenant commander’s air of authority and self-assurance, which all military officers seemed to have, in her experience, and the fact that Jessie had barely known her own father growing up and was wanting to confide in somebody strong and wise, but all at once she found herself blurting out the truth.

“I don’t know,” she said. Her throat closed and she stared bleakly at her salad. “I don’t know how it’s going.” She took a breath and belatedly fought for control. “I’m a nurse, I feel like I ought to have a better handle on this than I do. Hey, I’m used to taking care of tiny little babies. What do I know about how to deal with…with—”

“I’m not gonna lie to you,” the lieutenant commander said in his brisk military way, matter-of-factly munching a bite of ziti. “Lieutenant Bauer’s got a rough road ahead of him, and so do you. It’s not gonna be easy.” Jessie nodded miserably, and after a moment he wiped his mouth with his napkin and went on. “The fact is, some POWs have an easier time adjusting than others. And sometimes their marriages don’t survive the strain. Now, Mrs. Bauer, your husband is a man with a good, strong character to begin with—if he wasn’t, he’d never have survived what he did as long as he did. If I were a betting man I’d have to put my money on him to make it back all the way. But that doesn’t mean it’s gonna be a cakewalk. He’s gonna need you to be strong. And, he’s gonna have to reach down inside himself and find some strength maybe he doesn’t know he has.”