Christmas At Pemberley: And the Bride Wore Prada

‘But I haven’t any water. And I can’t very well take a pill without water.’

‘Ye daft woman,’ he muttered. He stood up and stalked back into the kitchen to fetch a glass from the cupboard. She heard the cupboard door slam shut, followed by the sound of the tap running.

‘Thank you,’ she murmured a moment later as he thrust a half-filled glass of water into her hand.

He grunted. ‘Take the bloody pills.’

Wordlessly she complied.

He stripped off her boot and sock and lowered her swollen foot into the bowl. ‘Is this a habit of yours, Miss Thomas?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Twisting your ankle. Showing up at my door half-frozen. Complicating my bloody life.’

‘Forcing you to be civil? Making you interact with another human being?’ she retorted. ‘I’m sorry that’s so painful for you, Mr MacKenzie.’

For some minutes there was no sound but the crackle of the fire and her laboured breathing. The carriage clock on the mantel chimed softly – one, two, three, four ‒ as Colm leant back against the sofa and began, haltingly, to speak.

‘I was working extra hours at the woollen factory,’ he said, his words low. ‘We needed money for the baby, for a bigger place. My wages didn’t stretch far enough. Alanna had her eye on a cottage for let in Glen Ayr, a cottage with a fireplace and a fenced yard and a couple of old apple trees.

‘‘It’d be perfect for the bairn,’ she told me the minute she saw it. ‘We can put a swing in the tree, and we’ll have room upstairs for a proper nursery.’’

Helen was silent.

‘I’d worked a double shift the night before. I’d got a few hours of sleep when I felt Alanna shake me awake to say that something wasn’t right. She was having pains. I told her it was probably Braxton Hicks and went back to sleep. She shook me again and said no, this was a different pain altogether, and she was scared. So I got up, and we packed her overnight bag, and I helped her into the car, and we left straight away for Kilmarnock.’

He sat back and rested his shoulder against the sofa. ‘Half the way there, I must’ve fallen asleep at the wheel. One minute I was awake, the next...’ His voice trailed away. ‘I was upside-down in the car, suspended by my seat belt. I couldn’t feel anything, and I couldn’t see Alanna. All I saw was blood, and shattered glass.’

‘The scar on your thigh,’ Helen murmured.

He nodded. ‘When I came to again, I was in hospital, and they told me...they told me my wife and my baby were dead.’

Helen reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. Her face was wet with tears. ‘I’m so very sorry.’

‘The police wanted to charge me with involuntary manslaughter,’ Colm went on grimly, ‘because they were convinced I’d been drinking. But when the blood tests showed no trace of alcohol or drugs in my system, and when my boss at the woollen factory confirmed I’d worked a double shift the day before, no charges were filed.’

Colm laid his head against Helen’s legs and closed his eyes. It was only when she felt the dampness on her thigh that she realized he was weeping.

‘Alanna was all I had,’ he rasped. ‘She was mine, Helen. My everything. I never had a proper family growing up, no one to give a shit whether I lived or died. Alanna was my one true friend, my wife, my rock – my home. She was so excited to have our baby. She had so many plans for the cottage, for the nursery. But because of me, because I fell asleep,’ he spat the word out ‘it all came to naught.’

‘You were exhausted,’ she reminded him, her words gentle. ‘You were working extra hours so you could provide for your family. You did it because you loved them.’

Helen stroked his hair, so soft and thick, and murmured meaningless words of comfort – meaningless, because really, what words could mitigate the pain and emptiness of losing someone you loved? – until Colm’s shoulders stopped heaving, until his grief and anger and pain eased.

‘I didn’t go anywhere for days, weeks afterwards,’ he said dully. ‘Just sat in our flat and drank and slept and stared at the walls. Finally, when I couldn’t put it off any longer, I gathered up the baby’s things – the tiny clothes and the shoes and rattles and suchlike. I couldn’t bear to look at it...any of it. I threw it all in a couple of bin bags and left it on the church steps.’

‘I know how much that must’ve hurt.’

He lifted his head and saw the sadness in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, lass,’ he said softly. ‘I dinnae mean to burden you with my troubles. Or to remind ye of your own.’

In answer, she managed a smile. ‘We’re a pair, aren’t we? “Colm and Helen’s Lonely Hearts Club”.’ Her smile faltered. ‘Tell me, Colm ‒ why is life so unfair? Why do some people sail through it without a hitch, and others – like us – suffer such awful tragedies? Why?’

He pulled her down beside him and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ‘I don’t know, lass. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.’ He paused. ‘But I know this ‒ I’m glad you’re here.’

She lifted her head to look at him quizzically. ‘Really? I thought you despised me.’ She gave him a watery smile. ‘“Ye daft Sassenach”,’ she mimicked.

‘You are a daft Sassenach,’ he retorted, ‘sometimes.’ His voice softened. ‘But you have one redeeming quality. Well...two, actually.’

‘Oh? What’s that?’

‘You make a decent pot of tea. And you put up with myself.’

Later, when the fire had died down to embers and it was fully dark outside, Helen’s eyes drifted open. She and Colm had fallen asleep on the floor, sprawled together in each other’s arms. His breathing was regular, his heart beating steadily against her ear. He smelt of wood smoke and, faintly, of damp wool.

‘I love you, Colm MacKenzie,’ she whispered against his chest. ‘You daft Scotsman.’

Chapter 44 (#ulink_f986323f-3d2c-53a6-8f47-669c9f378d7b)

Christmas music played softly in the drawing room the next evening when the doorbell rang.

‘I wonder who that could be, and on Christmas Eve!’ Pen exclaimed as she set aside her glass of sherry and rose from her chair. ‘I’ll just go and see who it is.’

‘Perhaps it’s carollers,’ Gemma offered, and turned to Dominic. ‘Ooh, I’d love that! We should’ve got carollers to sing at our wedding tomorrow.’

‘If you had your way,’ Dominic grumbled, ‘the entire bloody heavenly host would sing at our wedding tomorrow.’

Gemma raised a brow. ‘Do you think they’re available on such short notice?’

‘For God’s sake, let one of the staff get the door, Mum,’ Caitlin said irritably, and took a sip of her drink. ‘That’s what they’re paid for, after all.’

‘Really, Caitlin,’ Wren admonished, ‘must you always be so difficult?’ She eyed the glass in the younger girl’s hand. ‘I do hope that’s not alcohol you’re drinking.’

‘It’s club soda,’ Caitlin snapped, ‘since you’re keeping track. And must you always be so judgmental?’

‘Ladies, please ‒ it’s Christmas eve,’ Tarquin chided. ‘Let’s put aside our differences for one evening. Surely we can all do that?’ He fixed a stern eye on his sister and wife in turn.