Always in My Heart

Do you think we made a baby? Callie had asked, stroking his face, smiling as if the idea pleased her.

Nigel stiffened his jaw now, pushing the memory of that happier time from his mind. Clearly, he and Callie had created a baby one of the times that the condom had broken.

Kwame. His son.

“So you got pregnant and you didn’t tell me,” Nigel said, stating the obvious.

“I know I should have.”

“Yet you didn’t.”

“Yes,” Callie said, sounding ashamed.

It didn’t make sense that she was here. Why tell him about this now?

“So what happened to bring you here now? You had some sudden epiphany that you should finally clue me in?”

“Something like that.”

He supposed what he really wanted to know was if Callie had ever planned to tell him. “Was that your plan all along?” he asked. “To not tell me about this?”

“No, that wasn’t my plan,” Callie explained. “I never thought I would have your baby and not tell you about it.”

“Then how could you? After what we meant to each—” The words died in Nigel’s throat. Obviously, he hadn’t meant as much to Callie as he’d thought.

“I just…I felt that if we weren’t working as a couple, then why burden you with a child?”

Nigel gaped at her, then steeled his jaw in anger. “Are you serious?”

Callie looked somewhat hurt by the question, but for goodness’ sake, he was the one with the reason to be upset. For ten years, she had kept him in the dark. Starting with her pregnancy and then the birth of their son.

“I know it’s not easy to understand,” Callie said. “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I know that would be unrealistic. I’m just asking…I’m here because I know it was time for me to do the right thing.”

“Because of what happened to you?” Nigel asked, gesturing to her injured arm. “That bandage and sling have something to do with you wanting to do the right thing? Did you get hurt in some…some crazy protest?” He would bet money on it. Callie, the fireball of passion he had known and loved, ready to speak out against injustice at every turn.

Callie looked away, pausing briefly before answering. “No, no protest. I’m not the same person I was years ago. But yes, getting hurt made me see the light. I realized that if I died, Kwame deserved to be with his father.”

“So if not for your accident, you wouldn’t be here.”

“And Auntie Jean’s death as well,” Callie said softly. “A death in the family put things into perspective.”

Nigel gritted his teeth. He wanted to hear Callie say that after all these years, nagging guilt was why she was finally here at his place. He didn’t want to hear that he was the fallback plan. That if something tragic happened to her, he would then be good enough for his son.

“A lot of holes with that plan, I can tell you,” Nigel muttered.

“I know it wasn’t the best pl—”

“For example, let’s just say something happened to you and suddenly Kwame was transferred to my care without knowing who I was. How damaging do you think that would be? Don’t you think it would’ve been better for me to forge a relationship with him ahead of time, not in case of emergency?” Nigel knew that he sounded angry, but damn it, he had a right to be.

Callie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “That’s why I’m here now. What happened to me was a huge wake-up call, and thankfully the worst didn’t happen. Thankfully, you can now forge that relationship with your son. I’m here, Nigel, ready to do the right thing. But if you don’t want to be a part of your son’s life—”

“Don’t you dare say that to me,” Nigel said. “You’re the one who took my son away from me. You took away my choice to be a father.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“I know. You were hoping I would give you an excuse.” When she met his eyes with a questioning expression, he continued. “Give you an excuse to run again.”

Callie said nothing, and Nigel nodded. “I know you too well, don’t I?”

“I’m here because I want you to get to know your son.”

“How generous of you.” Nigel turned, began to pace. He needed to move. He needed to do something to help calm his frayed nerves.

He heard the soft breath that escaped Callie’s lips, and hated himself for even feeling a measure of empathy for her. He knew how hard it was for her to be here, admitting the truth. But the bottom line was, she was the one who had lied to him.

Ten years ago, if she had made a soft little sound like that, he would have curled her into his arms and held her until everything was all right.

But there would be no holding her now.

“I’m sorry,” Callie said.

Nigel faced her again. “Yeah, well, that apology is ten years too late.”

He began to pace again, and silence fell between them, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing.

When he faced her again, he saw that her eyes were filled with tears. And damn it, there was that empathy again. Empathy that she didn’t deserve.

Pausing, Nigel drew in a deep breath, one he hoped would help calm his ire. “Look, you can’t show up nine years after our son was born and expect me to jump up and down at your news.”

“I didn’t say that,” Callie said softly. She wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “You think this is only hard for you? Being here is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In many ways, it would have been easier to keep you in the dark. But I know how wrong I was, and that’s why I’m here now, realizing that you’ll likely hate me forever for what I did. Yes, it took a life-altering event for me to realize exactly what’s important in life. And I know that now. My son has a father. It’s time he get to know him. What I need to know is if you’re willing to get to know Kwame.”

“Of course,” Nigel quipped. “I have a son. I won’t turn my back on him.”

Callie nodded. “I know you’re angry. I also know that I have to deal with whatever reaction you have to this, because this is completely my fault. But I’m figuring you probably need a day or two to let this all sink in, and then maybe we can set up a time for you to meet Kwame—”

“Today. I want to meet him today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nigel said. Then he groaned. “Damn it, I completely forgot that I have court this morning. Then I have to work this evening. Today isn’t the best day.”

“We can set up another time,” Callie said softly.

“I’ve missed nine years of his life. I need to meet my son as soon as possible.”

Callie nodded. “Good. Because I’m not sure when I’m heading back to Florida, but it’s fair to say that time is of the essence. And I’d like for Kwame to spend as much time getting to know you before we leave.”

“When’s his birthday?” Nigel asked.