Baby It's Cold Outside

‘And once, when I was little – Ez you were tiny so you probably won’t remember – a friend of Gran’s came to stay. The house didn’t make an extra room for her. I don’t know why.’

Louise shook her head.

‘Just when I think I’m getting the hang of this stuff,’ she said, smiling. Then she looked at me, her expression more serious. ‘But what about you?’ she said. ‘What do you think about all this?’

‘Don’t be nice,’ I said, looking up at the ceiling and blinking furiously. ‘Don’t be nice or I will cry.’

Harry patted my leg through the crocheted blanket.

‘Come on fatso,’ she said. ‘Tell us what’s going on in that ugly head of yours.’

It was my turn to shake my head.

‘I have no idea what to think,’ I wailed. ‘This Tansy has arrived and she’s smart and gorgeous. And Jamie’s got a child. And the little boy has some disease that Jamie might pass on. And we’re supposed to be getting married!’

‘Breathe, Esme,’ Harry said. ‘What do you mean the little boy has a disease? Is he ill? Does she want Jamie’s kidneys or something?’

‘That’s what I thought,’ I said. ‘But apparently the kid’s fine now. But it’s some inherited thing that Jamie must carry and she thought he should know.’

‘Gosh, that’s nice of her,’ Louise said. I gave her a death stare and she shut her mouth.

‘It’s not like we haven’t both got a past,’ I said.

‘Well you certainly have,’ Harry pointed out. Quite unhelpfully, I thought, though she had a point. Jamie and I had been teenage sweethearts but we’d split up and lost touch for a decade largely because of my pig-headedness. Then when we finally did meet up again, a few years ago, I’d been involved in an unhappy office romance with a married man. Yes, I know, it’s horrible and I wasn’t proud of that one. We finally got it together, only for me to ruin it all again. Though this time it wasn’t entirely my fault – I’d been under a bad spell and it had made me act – well, let’s just say… completely out of character. But we were back on track now, planning our wedding and our future together. A future that was now in question.

Harry realised she’d gone too far. She gave my leg a reassuring rub.

‘You and Jamie are rock solid, Ez,’ she said. ‘You’ll get through this.’

‘She’s right,’ Louise said. ‘It’ll be fine. Just make sure you and Jamie work together on this and it’ll all work out.’

‘Promise?’ I asked.

Harry winked at me.

‘I promise,’ she said. ‘I promise we’ll help you however we can.’

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

‘That’s them,’ I said, freezing. ‘I’m not going out there until I know she’s gone.’

We sat in silence, listening as the door to the new spare room opened and closed, then opened again. I heard Tansy’s footsteps padding along the hall to the bathroom, water ran and the toilet flushed, then the spare room door opened and closed again, and all was quiet.

I leaned over and kissed first Lou and then Harry.

‘Thanks for listening to me,’ I said. ‘Maybe it will all seem better in the morning.’

‘Maybe,’ said Harry, but she didn’t sound very certain.

I slid off the bed and quietly crept down the hall to my childhood bedroom – the room I was now sharing with Jamie. I opened the door and went in. Jamie was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He looked up when I entered.

‘Oh Esme,’ he said. ‘What are we going to do?’ His voice cracked and my heart melted. I stood in front of him and wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head against my chest and I bent and kissed the top of his blond hair.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ I said. ‘We can work this out if we stick together.’

He looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes.

‘Are we okay?’ he said. ‘Me and you?’

‘Of course we are,’ I said. ‘Of course we are.’

Jamie slumped against me, relieved and exhausted. Like he was a child, I helped him pull off his T-shirt and jeans and tucked him into bed. It could be good practice for being a step-mum I thought to myself ruefully as I stroked his hair just like Tansy had stroked Parker’s. When I was sure he was asleep, I tucked myself under the duvet, stripped off my clothes and wriggled into my pyjamas – years of living in this chilly house had made me an expert in getting dressed without exposing any skin to the cold air. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink, but within seconds my eyelids were heavy. I just hoped everything would be okay tomorrow.

Saturday

Chapter 4 (#ulink_bd9dd712-fb2e-56d2-a26c-47987b4132a0)

When I woke up the next morning the room was filled with a cool, grey light. I slipped quietly out of bed so as not to wake Jamie – who was finally sleeping peacefully after tossing and turning most of the night. Wrapping my dressing gown round me, I went to the window and peeked out. My bedroom was at the front of the house and the road outside was blanketed in a thick layer of snow. Our house sat high up on the hill overlooking the town, so normally I could see down into the glen and if I stuck my head out of the window – and the trees weren’t too lush – I could see the loch glinting below all the houses. Now though, I couldn’t see a thing. It was still snowing, much more gently than it had last night. The window was covered in spiders’ webs made of ice and though the trees opposite were bare, they were groaning under the weight of snow heaped on their branches. I couldn’t see down into town at all because it was kind of misty and just really snowy. I was thrilled and I hugged myself in excitement. When we’d planned our wedding for this time of year, we’d hoped for snow – Claddach was so beautiful in winter.

Thinking of the wedding made me remember everything that had happened yesterday. I wondered if Tansy was still here or if she and Parker had gone to find a hotel closer to Claddach than Edinburgh was (I allowed myself a brief smirk at Tansy’s grasp of Scottish geography, conveniently ignoring the fact that I had a very shaky knowledge of what was where in the States). I decided to go downstairs and find out.

As I got close to the kitchen though I heard laughter and Tansy’s American twang. Apparently she was still here.

She was sitting at the table, her long fingers wrapped around a mug of black coffee. Parker was sitting next to her, munching on a piece of toast, and Harry and Louise were sitting with them – both laughing uproariously at a joke I’d not heard.

‘Oh,’ I said, put out to see my cousin making friends with someone who was, to all intents and purposes, my rival.

‘Morning, Ez,’ Harry said. ‘Guess what? I was at Harvard the same time as Tansy – different departments of course, but we know some of the same people. Isn’t that amazing?’

I bristled.

‘Isn’t it?’ I said. I picked up the kettle and filled it up from the tap.

‘Your home is lovely,’ Tansy said. ‘I was just thanking Harry and Louise for making us so welcome.’

‘Did you sleep okay?’ said Louise to Tansy, but winking at me as she said it. ‘Not many people use that room.’

‘Great,’ said Tansy. ‘We were snug as bugs.’

‘I like bugs,’ said Parker. It was the first time I’d heard him speak.

‘Do you?’ said Lou. ‘What kind of bugs do you like?’

Parker grinned at her, showing perfect teeth and – I had to admit – dimples in each cheek that were pretty damn cute.

‘All of ‘em,’ he said. ‘Do you know bees are found on every continent except Antarctica?’

I blinked at him in surprise. I didn’t know much about small children but I was fairly sure they didn’t all talk like biology textbooks.