The Secret Casella Baby

OF COURSE IT was eventually going to come to this. Luiz could scarcely believe that they had arrived at this crossroads without him having foreseen the eventuality and taken the necessary precautions. He had never had any intention of indulging in a long-term relationship. He didn’t do long-term relationships. But it was all too easy to see now how he had grown lazy after that first, momentous fabrication when he had played fast and loose with the truth of his identity. Without the need to defend himself against a possible gold-digger, he had drifted along and taken what was there for his own enjoyment.

Now her clear blue eyes were anxiously scrutinising his face, waiting for him to say something.

‘Why?’ Restless energy was pouring through him in disturbing waves and he raked his fingers through his dark hair, his mind travelling down all the angles the conversation could take and crashing into dead ends at each one of them.

‘What do you mean why?’ Holly asked, bewildered because as far as she was concerned she had raised a perfectly reasonable point. ‘We’ve been going out for quite a while. I think I deserve to know where this is heading.’ She wished he would stop pacing the room. The giddiness was back, accompanied now by slight feelings of nausea.

‘Why does it have to head anywhere?’ He paused to stand in front of her. ‘What we have is good. No, it’s better than good—it’s damn near perfect. Why ruin it with questions about commitment? Why try and box it in and give it a time limit? Who knows what’s around the corner?’

‘I know that,’ Holly persevered. ‘I know there are no guarantees, I know that no one knows what’s round the corner. But that doesn’t mean that I want to continue living in the moment with no thought of the future! I want to know how this is going to progress and I don’t think I’m being unfair, you know, having this conversation with you. Have I told you that Claire is engaged? Remember Claire—the one with the red hair and the gap between her teeth? You met her at the party…’

‘Yes, I remember her.’ Loud, extrovert, with a boyfriend who had trailed timidly behind her, fetching drinks and nibbles and making no effort to restrain his girlfriend. Thinking about it, she now struck Luiz as just the sort of subversive woman who would goad Holly into any manner of rebellious thoughts. ‘Has she been telling you things? Implying that you can’t be happy because there’s no diamond ring on your finger? I’m surprised and disappointed that you would allow someone to dictate to you how you should or shouldn’t feel!’

‘Claire hasn’t said anything of the sort to me!’ Two bright patches of colour had appeared on her cheeks. One simple question; she had just asked him to clarify where they were going as a couple and he couldn’t even bring himself to answer the question directly. Instead, he was happy to imply that she was so stupid and so impressionable that someone else could tell her how she should be feeling!

‘Because your friend is engaged doesn’t mean that you should be, too.’

‘I’m not talking about getting engaged…’ Although, wasn’t it true that ever since their relationship had started she had only seen a future with Luiz in it? She had never daydreamed about a great diamond rock on her finger. But when she thought about the winter coming, and the one after that and the one after that, she had a vision of Luiz right there by her side, helping out as he always did. In her mind, her future was inexorably wrapped up with his and she knew that she had been guilty of assuming that he felt the same way, even if he didn’t exactly vocalise it.

‘Are you happy with me?’ Luiz demanded.

‘Of course I am!’

‘Then what’s the problem?’ He felt like someone swimming upstream against a very strong current and he didn’t care for the sensation. He liked to be in control. It occurred to him that he had distinctly lacked control when he had allowed this relationship to meander through the weeks and months. He had been instantly attracted to her when she had rescued him after his car crash. He had certainly planned on getting her into bed. He had never played with the possibility that a little time out—a few days of harmless pretence, of letting go of the persona he was compelled to be on a daily basis and all the stresses that came with it—would end up lasting over a year.

The thing to do would be to start thinking clearly and regaining some of that lost control. The obvious solution would be to walk away. He certainly had no intention of encouraging anyone to start thinking in terms of diamond rings, churches and flower girls, however good the sex as between them. No way.

He especially would not be going down that route with a woman who was, frankly, as poor as a church mouse. She might be disingenuous charm itself as long as she believed him to be little more than another one of life’s hard workers who saved up to pay the mortgage and grab an annual holiday somewhere cheap and cheerful. But how different would she have been had she known the extent of his wealth? He had been conned once and he had vowed never to allow that situation to happen again.

Step one in the preventative stakes was to ensure that any lifetime partner—and there certainly wouldn’t be one on the horizon in the foreseeable future—would be able to match his wealth. He would only ever marry a woman who didn’t have anything to gain in the financial stakes by marrying him.

Holly George was just not suitable. She had raised an issue and the only way to deal with it would be to dispose of her. It sounded heartless, but in the end he would be doing her a favour. If the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow was marriage, then she wasn’t going to get the pot of gold from him, and it was kinder to let her go now. When it came to handling the reins of a relationship, any relationship, he was the one in control.

Holly turned away and began walking towards the sitting room. Her heart was beating very fast. She just couldn’t believe that this conversation was taking place. She had been so secure in their relationship. Had love blinded her to the very real possibility that what he felt for her was nothing more than lust? She couldn’t credit that! Lust became eroded over time, lost its urgency… What they had had just got better and better, deeper and deeper, at least as far as she was concerned…

Luiz watched her leave the kitchen and he wanted to throw things, or at the very least haul her back into his arms and make love to her until her questions had been put to rest. He had become accustomed to her smiling, upbeat, eternally optimistic nature. He was used to her glorious, uninhibited chatter. He luxuriated in the company of someone who didn’t feel as though she ought to be impressing him. Now, he felt like a monster responsible for draining all the sunshine and light out of her. He had to remind himself that there was nothing he could do to alter the situation and to offer her anything beyond his remit would be to make matters worse in the long run.

‘So what are you telling me?’ Holly was standing by the bay window, arms folded, every inch of her body radiating tension. ‘Are you telling me that what we have isn’t going anywhere? Is never going to go anywhere? Because if that’s the case then I don’t see any point to us carrying on. I don’t want to be in a relationship where we just drift along until one of us gets bored and decides to call it a day.’

She could hardly breathe. Her chest felt tight. How could he just stand there, looking at her with an inscrutable expression, not saying anything? A treacherous little voice whispered that perhaps she should have left well alone and not said anything, but as soon as the thought flitted through her head Holly knew that she had had to say what was on her mind. She had been feeling strangely emotional over the past few weeks. Holding things in would only exacerbate those heightened emotions.