Santiago's Love-Child

But there was no point. This was Gordon, who had once said comfortingly, ‘Of course you’re not frigid, you’re just not a very physical person. Don’t worry about it; not everyone is.’

The fact was Gordon thought she was a white-cotton girl. Santiago had made her feel and act like naughty black lace.

Rachel made a scornful sound in her throat. ‘Sure it wasn’t a shock—you expected your husband to leave you for his bit on the side when you were pregnant.’

Lily pushed her brown hair, which, without its normal monthly trim, had got long and uncontrollable, behind her ears. Maybe it is time to set the record straight?

‘It’s true.’ A light flush appeared along the smooth contours of her pale cheeks as she experienced an emotion close to relief as she admitted, ‘I really wasn’t surprised. Our marriage had been dead and buried for a long time before Olivia came along.’

Rachel’s jaw dropped, but almost immediately she began to shake her head. ‘I don’t believe it. You two were the couple everyone I know wanted to be.’

Lily looked away. That had been the irony, of course; they had appeared the perfect couple in public. ‘It’s true,’ she said.

‘Nobody’s that good at pretending,’ Rachel rebutted. ‘I don’t how many times I told people that you two proved marriage could work. I mean, you were practically childhood sweethearts.’

Lily ran her tongue over her lips…When did I last wear lipstick? When did I last wear make-up…? Rachel was right—it was time she entered the human race again. ‘In public, yes.’

There was silence before Rachel sank weakly into the nearest chair. ‘So you and Gordon weren’t happy? Seriously…?’

‘I wasn’t unhappy.’

Rachel folded her long legs underneath her and sighed. ‘I don’t mind telling you, you’ve really thrown me, Lily.’ Lily lifted her head. ‘I never had the slightest hint that things were that bad…or bad at all, for that matter. Why didn’t you ever say anything?’

Lily’s wide mouth twisted into a bitter smile. ‘You make your bed and lie in it—that’s what Gran would have said.’

‘I’m not your gran, and I know you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but she really was one cold—’

‘Leave it, Rachel,’ Lily begged.

Rachel acceded with a shrug. ‘If you were unhappy, why did you stay, Lily?’

‘I thought we might sort things…’ Lily stopped and shook her head. ‘It’s a question I’ve asked myself a million times. The truth is I don’t know why I stayed. Maybe I was lazy, or simply scared of change? Maybe I didn’t want to admit I had made a mistake? Perhaps,’ she speculated dully, ‘a bit of all three.’

‘But I never heard you exchange a cross word.’ A still-sceptical Rachel gave a mystified frown.

‘There were cross words,’ Lily admitted, recalling the constant sniping and recriminations. ‘But we were past that. The fact is, I think we were both too apathetic to argue by the end.’

‘That’s so sad.’

Lily, whose own throat closed over with emotion, could only silently echo the sentiment. ‘I suppose we were a classic case of two people who grew apart, not together.’

A stunned Rachel exhaled a gusty sigh and shook her head, visibly struggling to come to terms with these calmly voiced revelations.

‘I knew straight off that Olivia wasn’t like the others.’

It wasn’t until the designer bag Rachel had been reaching into to switch off her phone dropped from her nerveless fingers, the contents spilling unheeded over the floor, that Lily realised that she had voiced her thought out loud.

‘“The others…!” Gordon had affairs?’

Lily met her friend’s dazed eyes and admitted awkwardly, ‘Two that I know of. There might have been more,’ she added in an abstracted voice. Almost certainly were.

Rachel released a hoarse laugh. ‘I don’t believe any of this!’ She shook her head as if to focus her thoughts. ‘And you knew…?’

Lily nodded.

‘Did you care?’

The flash of her blue eyes lent animation to Lily’s pale face. ‘Of course I damned well cared!’ It had been deeply humiliating, but Gordon had always been filled with remorse afterwards…They mean nothing to me, Lily.

Rachel grimaced. ‘Sorry. I still can’t believe that you never said a word.’ Rachel shook her head in disbelief. ‘I’m your best friend.’

Lily’s hands lifted in a fluttery, helpless gesture. ‘It felt disloyal to talk about it and Gordon begged me not to tell anyone. Can you imagine what Gran would have said if she’d found out, and after she had loaned him the money for that car…?’ She stopped and angled a questioning glance at her best friend. ‘I suppose this sounds big-time weird to you?’

Rachel didn’t deny it. ‘And then some!’

‘And you think I’m totally pathetic?’

‘Well, it’s not as if there were children and—’ She broke off, a stricken look of horror written on her fair-skinned face. She leapt out of the chair and perched herself on the arm of the chair the other girl occupied. ‘Oh, Lily, I’m so, so sorry.’

Lily shook her head and smiled reassuringly. ‘No, you’re right, there weren’t.’

‘But you couldn’t have completely given up the marriage; you tried for a baby?’

Lily fixed her cornflower-blue eyes on her friend’s face and shook her head. ‘No, we didn’t.’

‘So it was an accident.’ Something that Rachel couldn’t identify flickered at the back of Lily’s eyes. ‘I’m not saying you weren’t pleased,’ she amended hastily. Nobody who had seen Lily in those early months could have failed to see she was delighted at the prospect of becoming a mother.

‘It’s the happiest I’ve ever been,’ Lily admitted.

‘Well, I don’t care what you say, I think he’s a total bastard to leave you when you were pregnant.’

‘I hadn’t slept with Gordon for almost a year before I got pregnant.’

CHAPTER FIVE

THE silence that followed this barely audible announcement stretched until, finally unable to bear it, Lily begged, ‘Say something.’

‘You and Gordon…you mean Gordon wasn’t the father!’

‘Obviously not.’ Lily, her eyes closed, passed a hand across her face. She was unable to meet her friend’s eyes. ‘Nothing you can say could make me feel more wretchedly ashamed than I already do,’ she choked.

‘What I’m going to say…Oh, Lily, you don’t really think I’d pass judgement, do you?’

Lily heard the hurt in her friend’s voice and her head came up. ‘I wouldn’t blame you if you did,’ she said miserably. She began to rise, but had not managed to get to her feet before Rachel grabbed her by the shoulders.

‘You can’t drop a bombshell like that and walk away, Lily,’ she protested, still looking totally gobsmacked. ‘I want to know everything.’

‘There’s nothing to know.’